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Ways to help the angry child of divorce be thankful at Thanksgiving
Many times the child of divorce doesn’t comprehend the idea of being grateful. As a matter of fact, many children of divorce get angry over the holidays. Being thankful is not on their minds at all. Even if you are teaching about being thankful, they may not understand the concept because of the anger they are experiencing. For the child of divorce, many Read more…
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How Do You Help the Single Dads in Your Church?
When many people think “single parent” they automatically think of the single mom. While single moms do make up the majority of single parents, single dad households are on the rise. According to research published in 2013 and released by the Pew Research Social & Demographic Trends in the article “The Rise of Single Fathers” minor children living in a home headed by Read more…
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Understanding visitation arrangements
I attend a lot of children and family ministry conferences. I’m also part of several KidMin Facebook pages so I get a lot of questions about children of divorce. Here are three questions children’s pastors asked about visitation issues. I understand the ‘every other weekend’ visitation schedule. I understand a child visiting the other parent on holidays and during the summer. But we Read more…
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Why children like “life in the shadows”
Too Small To Ignore, by Dr. Wess Stafford (Waterbrook Press) pg. 63 How will you create a close-knit group for a child of divorce? Will these kids feel accepted and part of the group family? Many children of divorce feel abandoned by one of their parents and sometime by both parents. Children of divorce need the church. They need to know God will never Read more…
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No R.E.S.P.E.C.T. for anyone or anything. What do you do?
“I am fed up with some of these kids. They have no respect for me or for anything!” I have often heard people that work with misbehaving kids talk about the lack of respect some of these kids have. They say it like they are ready to throw in the towel and walk away. My suggestion is to take the word “respect” Read more…
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5 Ways You Can Help Single Parents Survive the Upcoming Holidays
From Halloween through Christmas can seem like an entire season for single parents. For people parenting alone or co-parenting these two months have a tendency to loom very large over them. Stress is high – finances are low. Parties are often – a full night of sleep is desired. Shopping and rushing around is endured – calm quiet activities are rare. What can Read more…
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Be an encourager for the little people this holiday season
When I was growing up, we went to my grandmother’s for holiday events. I remember when our entire family, including all the cousins, came together at Christmas, there were always two eating areas. One was in the kitchen at the kitchen table, and that’s where all the kids or, as my grandfather would say, “the little people” would eat. At the nice dining-room Read more…
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Got grouchy kids this week?
What are the two most difficult days out of the entire year for the child of divorce? Want to try and guess what they are? Christmas? Thanksgiving? Valentines Day? Halloween? Birthday? Did you pick any of the above? These are all good guesses and for many children some of these days are difficult. But the two days that cause havoc with the Read more…
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Are You Flying Over Mission Fields to Get to the Mission Fields?
The mission field in the U.S. is screaming! There is such a huge need for Jesus in our communities. The mission fields your church might be flying over are the apartment complexes and the low-income housing down the street from your church. Don’t get me wrong. I highly support foreign missions. I think we should be going out into all the world Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do you have so much compassion for troubled and disruptive kids?
I It is really very simple—children do to others what has been done to them. Or they are hurting, little children, and their behavior is their voice screaming for help. In DC4K, or DivorceCare for Kids, we see children calming down and bringing their behavior under control when They learn they have a voice. They put a name to their feelings. Someone Read more…
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Do children experience “stages” of divorce?
For years, people who work with children of divorce have wondered what the stages of grief are for these kids. One children’s minister asked me, “How can I help a child of divorce when I don’t know what the stages of grief are? Explain them to me, please.” Many have held onto the stages of grief developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Basically, those stages Read more…
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10 ways to pray for the child of divorce and their families
It is important to pray for the child of divorce. Children’s ministers can be a major player in a child’s life by being an intercessory prayer partner. Many times, though, we don’t know how or what to pray for when interceding for the child of divorce. Here are ten ways to pray for children in your ministry whose parents are divorcing: Pray for Read more…
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Why 35% of the children in your community aren’t connected with your ministry—and how you can reach them in 2018
Think of them as you would an “unreached people group”—except they live right in your own community, not in some faraway country. Today, according to the Annie E. Casey Kids Count Data Center, 35% of all children live in single-parent homes. Many of them are not involved in church and don’t know Jesus. Bottom line: their parents often don’t feel welcome in church Read more…
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10 things you must know when ministering to the child of divorce
One must be aware of many things when ministering to children in divorced homes. However, ten important things are a must. Here are what I have found to be the ten most important items to know. Children need: Caring adults who understand that children from single-parent homes may constantly fear for their safety Adults who will not leave the children at the foot Read more…
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Are you flying over mission fields?
When I was a young child and had just come to know Jesus Christ as my Savior, I thought the Lord might send me to a foreign mission field. I had grandiose ideas about going to South Africa and helping all the children come to know Christ. If not Africa, then maybe the Lord would send me to another foreign mission field Read more…
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DivorceCare for Kids: how it meets a HUGE need at local churches
DivorceCare for Kids (DC4K) is a comprehensive, church-based program that equips local churches to help children of divorce. It’s designed to work in parallel with the adult DivorceCare program (although DC4K can also run as a stand-alone program). DC4K created this blog to help church leaders and volunteers understand the issues faced by kids caught in the crossfire of a family breakup. I Read more…
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Question of the week: Why don’t kids of divorce come to Sunday services consistently?
For weeks, I’ve been posting questions of the week. These are questions that have been asked by children’s leaders and ministers. If you have a specific question about children of divorce you’d like answered, email it to me at ljacobs@dc4k.org, and I’ll answer it. This week’s question: Why don’t divorced kids come to Sunday school consistently? When children visit the other parent Read more…
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Single parents, summer, tweens, and teens: Why your church should help and how it can
Many of us adults envy little children who don’t have to go to school or work every day during the summer. We wish we could have the summer off like the kids out of school. Maybe you imagine kids playing in a pool all day long or going to the beach. For many children in single-parent homes, however, summer proves to be Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do single parents identify life events as ‘before’ or ‘after’ divorce?
Many of the single parents you interact with are divorced. In their minds, and in their interactions with you, they draw a clear line defining life “before my divorce” and “after my divorce.” Is this healthy? Does labeling life “before the divorce” and “after the divorce” keep single parents from moving forward? Does it mean they are still struggling with their divorce and Read more…
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Question of the week: What should I say when a child asks where his father who disappeared at birth is?
When a child who’s never known or doesn’t remember his father asks, “Where is my dad?,” keep in mind that a lot of issues may prompt this question. The child might not be looking for different information than you think he is. Or the child might be asking more than where his dad physically is today. I recommend first talking to the single Read more…
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10 Reasons why children of divorce don’t want to attend your church
“What will people at church think of me?” “I don’t want to be singled out.” These statements are only two of the many reasons children of divorce might not feel comfortable in your church. New environments are just hard for some kids to accept, but children of divorce have more reasons they don’t want to be in your church. In my work, I’ve Read more…
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Question of the week: What should I say when a kid says something about court, custody or divorcing parents?
Recently a children’s leader said she has a boy that is disruptive and doesn’t pay attention. In one of the smaller groups last Sunday she overheard him say something about “court”. She said, I don’t know if I should say something to him or ask him any questions. I don’t know anything about his family. Someone drops him off and they don’t check Read more…
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Why does the child of divorce wonder, “Where Will I Sleep Tonight?”
Why do children of divorce wonder, Where will I sleep tonight? These children face many stressful issues, and sometimes wondering where they will lay their head is a big worry. To adults, this might sound a little ridiculous. We all know where we will sleep tonight. Children of divorce, though, do actually worry about this question. Even with a schedule and consistency in Read more…
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Question of the week: What do I do if an abusive parent shows up to kidnap his or her child? What if they are armed?
Today, I describe extreme situations that might affect your children’s ministry. I hope you never have to deal with these situations, but in today’s environment, you need to be prepared. “What do I do if an abusive parent shows up to kidnap his or her child? What if the parent is armed?” I was asked this question at a recent children’s pastors’ event. Read more…
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10 ways to help kids of divorce when they explode emotionally at church
In our last post “When kids of divorce explode emotionally, how do you help the parent?” we discussed how to help the single parent whose child explodes at home. But what do you do when an emotional explosion happens at church? You can’t send the child to his room. You must handle the explosion at the moment it happens. Many ways we deal Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I respond to a child who was dis-invited to an event by one of her parents?
How would you respond to this message? Dis-invited from a zoo trip My granddaughter’s father decided to not invite her (rather, to dis-invite her) to a zoo trip with his girlfriend and her two children, saying that his girlfriend wanted to spend the day with just her girls and him. My granddaughter shrugged it off, saying, “Well, I’ll probably get rejected by a Read more…
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God showed up and ministered to me through a little kid!
I have ministered to thousands of children in my lifetime and learned that all kids influence those in ministry in some way. Sometimes, it’s a kid who you wonder if you can ever reach. Or it’s a child whose behavior can be called challenging, at best. Many times, I’ve walked out of church wondering why on earth I’m still in ministry to Read more…
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Draw your family + a child of divorce = paper ripped to shreds
A kindergarten child was asked to draw a picture of his family. The child started the picture and then ripped it to shreds. The picture above is what was left of the child’s original drawing. An assistant in the room thought the child was being disrespectful and out of control. She was ready to punish the child. When ministering to the children of divorce Read more…
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Question of the week: I have a divorcing mom asking me to talk to the dad about their child’s behavior. Should I intervene?
As a children’s minister, you need to decide if you are going to minister to the child or to the adults. If your goal is to minister to the child, then I would explain to the mom that your primary concern is for her child. Tell her you: Will walk closely beside the child Are in prayer for the child Will be happy Read more…
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Question of the week: How long does it take a child to recover from the divorce of their parents?
The answer to this question can get complicated. Many divorcing parents think their children will get over the divorce fairly quickly. But what parents need to realize is while the adult life might go on and they will find a new partner, the children will never find another parent. The two parents will always be their parents. Most research shows that for adults Read more…
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How to help children maintain dignity
This past weekend found me taking care of a couple kids whose single mom had to work. I really don’t mind these cute little girls spending the day with me at my house. I’ve kind of adopted these elementary age girls as my grandchildren. These girls have had a pretty rough time in their short lives. They were away from their mom for Read more…
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Did you know fear in the child of divorce can cause behavior issues?
Experts tell us that when children feel fear, they aren’t able to learn and absorb information normally. When a child feels unsafe, the “learning brain” begins to power down. Learning becomes difficult if not impossible. Clearly, a child suffering through the divorce of her parents does not feel safe. I’d like to explain how she processes the information you are trying to teach Read more…
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The power of words: how they can help or hurt the child of divorce
Words can be powerful when they are used in the right context. Usage of kind words can motivate children. Unkind and cruel words can hurt children. I’ve seen well-intended words devastate the child of divorce. Let me explain how they might hear things that are said in front of them or things you might say to them. Think of the child of divorce who Read more…
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How can chaos in a child’s environment lead to behavior problems in kids of divorce?
“When my mom told me they were getting a divorce, I got confused. I didn’t understand what divorce was. I just knew my dad was moving out. I didn’t understand he was moving out – moving out. I thought he was visiting a friend for a few weeks. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me and my sister. I was Read more…
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Does divorce create behavior problems in children?
The answer to this question might depend on the person you ask. If you ask a parent who is barely surviving, that answer is going to be “no” simply because they can’t see the behavior problems standing in front of them. These parents are in a fog because it is just the best they can do at the moment. When the third Read more…
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ATT: Children’s and family ministers– stop ministering! Seriously.
My daughter on duty in Afghanistan. Right about now I figure most of you are pretty stressed. From fall festivals through Christmas celebrations life can get pretty hectic for those in church ministries. You have the heart to minister. All year long the Lord has given you opportunities to further His kingdom through ministries to children and families. Now it is time Read more…
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Gifts we give to the Christ child
Those of us who work with children most likely have heard all about the gifts they want for Christmas this year. Most kids dream about the presents they will unwrap Christmas morning. And let’s face it—many of us adults have a few things in our minds we’d like for Christmas, too. We know that Christmas is gift-giving time. It started with the Read more…
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How do I help the child of divorce who is all about “gimme, gimme, gimme” at Christmas?
We’ve talked a lot on this site about the hurting child of divorce and the various ways of ministering to these children. If you have been ministering very long to the child of divorce you know that while they indeed are hurting deeply, some of these children have figured out how to play the two parents against each other to get what they Read more…
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How do I help single parents reduce stress for kids who have to switch homes during the holidays?
In your ministry, it’s likely that you’ve observed single parents and kids who develop a lot of anxiety about the process of shuttling the children between homes. This stress will be amplified during the holiday season. The switching hour, the time the kids switch between homes, can become less stressful if single parents work at making it normal. I’d like to give Read more…
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What Can I Do to Support the Military Single Parent Family?
On Veteran’s Day and various holidays supporting the military, it is a good time to talk about celebrating the military single parents and their children in your congregations. This can be single parents who are currently serving or have served in our military. If you have children of a deployed single parent in your group, send a Facebook message, text or an email Read more…
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Are children of divorce resilient?
Back in the seventies when the divorce rate skyrocketed everyone was saying, “Children are resilient.” Many parents banked on their kids being resilient. Now all these years later we are finding that many of those so-called “resilient kids” were not so resilient after all. Many of the kids of divorce from that era are now adults and they are struggling in their Read more…
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Sleep deprivation can cause behavior problems in kids of divorce
Few people realize that many children of divorce are not getting enough sleep. When you think about it, it does make sense. Children naturally do better in an environment that feels safe, has a schedule along with consistent routines. Dad or mom moves out of the home and nothing is consistent any longer. Many children no longer feel safe and so sleep Read more…
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Is it better for parents to divorce when children are young or wait until the kids are older?
There are no good or right times for parents to divorce. Research shows and my experience has been that the younger the child is the more times they will process the divorce. In other words if their parents divorce when they are preschool or younger upon entering the public school arena they may question why other kids live with two parents but Read more…
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A single parent TV reality show at your church?
What if a divorced single parent family suddenly showed up at your church and un be known to you, they were involved in a T.V. reality show? When you found out, how would you handle things any differently than when you didn’t know? Stop and think about that for a few minutes. What attitude would you betray when you didn’t know? Most Read more…
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Keeping siblings of divorce together at church events. Part 2
In part 1 of “Keeping siblings together at church events” we talked about how attached children of divorce get to their siblings when traveling between homes. In this post we learn that many times when a child experiences the divorce of their parents, it affects their schoolwork. It is not unusual for a child to lose an entire school year due to the Read more…
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Keeping siblings of divorce together at church events, Part I
God’s design for children is for them to depend and rely upon their parent. For instance when they wake in the middle of the night and they are scared they run to their parents. Their parents are the trustworthy adults who lead their family. When a divorce happens children can no longer turn to the parents as a unit. When it’s time Read more…
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Overwhelmed & Frazzled Single Parents
Ministering to the children means knowing something about their single parent and understanding the family situation. Situations are not always what they appear to be. A couple of years ago a leader of a DivorceCare group contacted me. She had a lady from another church in her group and she had received a call from this participant’s pastor. While the pastor was appreciative Read more…
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School year helpful tip #5: School anxiety & the older child of divorce
While younger children may revert back to separation anxiety that equates to a toddler separating from their parent, older children of divorce may have issues also. The older child of divorce worries and wonders about many issues concerning the divorce. The thoughts whirling around in their heads and the stress they are under can interfere with the start of school and throughout the Read more…
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Helpful Tip #5 for starting the school year: When school causes separation anxiety for the younger child of divorce
Recently a friend of mine had a child start kindergarten. This past summer this family moved from one state to another. While everything seemed to be going great the first day of school brought tears, screams and an all out tantrum of “don’t leave me.” This mom was caught off guard and did not know what to do to help her child. Children Read more…
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Helpful tip #3 for starting the school year: The importance of schedules.
All children need schedules and familiar routines but children of divorce especially need someone to advocate the importance of schedules and routines for them. Some children of divorce have several different schedules to follow. Imagine trying to remember what schedule you have to follow and thinking, “Am I at dad’s or mom’s?” Or “Do we take a shower before bed or when Read more…
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Helpful tip #2 for starting the school year: Why rituals are important for the child of divorce
When parents divorce, children are more likely to lose their connections with those around them. Many of us in know that children are born to connect. We have observed and watched as children become disconnected. Many problems facing young people today are due in large part to our failure to meet the children’s most basic human need for connectedness. Divorce brings many changes Read more…
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Helpful tip for starting a new school year: Kids of divorce and clutter
Many children of divorce live hectic and frenzied lives. This is partly due to the fact that they live in two separate homes have two different sets of rules experience different schedules have different rituals have different people in the home The stress factor is another reason their minds are filled with chaos. Too much stress can confuse us as adults so imagine Read more…
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How to help the child of divorce who has been gone all summer
Summer is almost over in many places. You probably have a lot of kids getting excited about the new school year. You are going to see kids wearing some of their new clothes to church. You might see some of them experimenting with a new backpack or notebook. You’ll hear talk of who gets what teacher and how excited they are or Read more…
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“We don’t have any kids in our church from divorced families. Why would we need DivorceCare for Kids?”
You might be surprised to find children of divorce in your church. It might mean one has to look differently for children of divorce and in places you might not have considered. For example, ever thought about children in two-parent families being from a divorce? If you have any blended or step family situations then more than likely you have children of Read more…
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How many churches have been equipped with the DC4K, (DivorceCare for Kids) materials?
My first answer to the question above is not nearly enough! DC4K was released twelve years ago and to date a little 3,700 churches have been equipped with the DC4K materials. That is almost one church a day that has been equipped with a DC4K kit. Many churches will run several 13-week sessions in a year. We know thousands of children are having Read more…
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How to reach out to the single parents in your church – even when you don’t have the time
You are already REALLY busy with your children’s ministry responsibilities (not to mention your life outside church). How you could possibly contribute to lives of the single parents in your church when you may be feeling overwhelmed yourself? It’s not as hard as you think. You don’t have to do it alone. Pray about what God wants from you. Maybe He wants Read more…
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Question of the week: What were the top 3 reasons you created DivorceCare for Kids?
People often ask me why I created DC4K or DivorceCare for Kids. There are many reasons; hundreds of them, and they all have a name. They are boys and girls that I have known and worked with down through the years. The top 3 reasons I created DC4K, DivorceCare for Kids are: Reason #1 Approximately one million children a year see the Read more…
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Got missing kids this summer? How to stay in touch with them and the single parent
Many children’s ministers and church volunteers will notice there are some children that seem to drop out over the summer months. Perhaps these are children who miss periodically but this summer you haven’t seen them for four or five weeks. These might very well be the children of divorce. Many divorced parents take advantage of summer months to have their children come Read more…
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10 Tips for Vacation Planning for Children of Divorce
Our guest blogger today is Dr. Linda Mintle. Linda is also one of the experts on our DivorceCare series. The tips Linda shares are great tips for children’s ministers to pass forward to the single parents. Thank you Linda for sharing with us today. 10 Tips for Vacation Planning for Children of Divorce By Dr. Linda Mintle Summer and holidays can be a Read more…
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Vacation Bible School vs. the children of divorce– is there a solution?
This week our church has had Vacation Bible School, or as it is known in church circles “VBS.” Rooms throughout the church are decorated from top to bottom. Teachers have been trained. Supplies, snacks and treats are ready to go. Music videos have been practiced, and the gospel has been adequately presented. Every day kids come in with big smiles on their Read more…
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When military parents divorce — how are the children affected?
Have you ever given any thought to military families? How about the kids in the divorced military family? I can hear many of you saying, We don’t have a military base close to us. Or I think the base near us handles those issues. No military base in your area? While you might not have a military base close to your church, you Read more…
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Why do some single parents seem to be frazzled?
Ever wonder why that kid who only comes every other week has a parent that never seems to know what is going on? They appear frazzled all the time. It is because there is just too much happening in his or her personal life. They are frazzled single parents. Single parents are strong people. They have to be in order to survive. However, Read more…
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Why weren’t many single moms in your church on Mother’s Day?
Allow me to ask you some of questions. Did you see any single mothers in your church on Mother’s Day? Did you take a few minutes to look around for a single mom sitting alone in your midst? Do you know why the single moms were not in church on such a special day? For many single moms Mother’s Day is the worst Read more…
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The choices you make today affects a child tomorrow: Ministering to the child of divorce
The choices you make today in ministering to children of divorce can affect them for the rest of their lives. If the child of divorce finds….. Attention from church leaders, it might very well prevent that teen girl from getting pregnant. Value at church, it might prevent that teen boy from committing suicide. Someone who cares for them at church, it might prevent Read more…
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Think divorce doesn’t hurts kids? Think again.
Don’t think divorce hurts kids? Think again. Of all the ways a divorce negatively impacts a child’s life, the impact on their religious life may be the most detrimental of all. Church attendance and participation in church activities can be particularly cumbersome and tricky. Research shows most single parents drop out of church shortly after the divorce. While a child may want to Read more…
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Dreams – the staple of childhood
Dreams are made to be chased relentlessly (Philip Gillespie) You may remember being a child and being outside running through the tall grass or climbing a tree and your mind being filled with all kinds of ideas and dreams. Think about the feeling of freedom your dreams brought to you. I remember just sitting on the porch of our old farmhouse. I would Read more…
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Positive steps that make a HUGE difference to a child of divorce
Afraid of making a mistake with the child of divorce? Many children’s leaders have shared that they tend to hold back or shy away from children of divorce simply because they are afraid of making things worse for the child. Next time you face such fears, think to yourself, “How much worse can anything be than to watch the two people in Read more…
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Children of Divorce Deserve Better Treatment in Our Churches
How does a church, which focuses on traditional family ministry, minister to the child of divorce? This seems to be the question many churches are wrestling with as they try to define exactly what family ministry looks like. Divorcing families have indeed changed the landscape of what families look like within the church. Several years ago Amy Ziettlow and Elizabeth Marquardt, with the Read more…
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The lost generation? Saving today’s kids from the long-term effects of divorce
It is important for anyone living with or working with the child of divorce to understand the long-term legacies of divorce on children. As a single parent, grandparent, mentor or church leader, you can help an individual child to better cope and potentially even lessen the impact of a particular long-term legacy. Your input today may help lessen the severity of the Read more…
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Children Ignored By ….
A spiritual war rages over each and every child. It is above us and beyond us and engages the full fury of the hosts of both heaven and hell. Children may be ignored by government, church and mission – but not by Satan or God Almighty.” Dr. Wess Stafford in “Too Small to Ignore” Will children of divorce in your community turn toward Read more…
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Planting shadows: generational consequences of divorce
Chinese proverb One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade. American proverb One generation gets a divorce; another gets to live in the shadows of confusion, loss of a marriage model, loss of trust in relationships, haphazard church involvement and the experience of living in fractured families.
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What Happens to The Child of Divorce During the “Switching Hour”?
Many have coined the time when children go from one home to another the “switching hour”. Evon Flesberg was the first expert to write about the switching hour in her book, “The Switching Hour, Kids of Divorce Say Good-Bye Again”[1]. I’ve watched children for years deal with this issue of switching back and forth between homes. Evon brings up an interesting point when Read more…
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What adult children of divorce want church leaders to know
After interviewing adult children of divorce I’ve learned they really want support and understanding in their church today. Even though many may have dropped out of church as a child, they know they want a relationship with Christ. Many of them want to serve in the church or in the least attend on a regular basis. Here are just a few of the Read more…
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A preschool child questions, “Where did he go?”
The teacher looked on as four-year old Elsa clung to her mom and screamed, “Don’t weave me mommy. Please don’t weave me.” The teacher was confused because little Elsa had always loved coming to her Sunday school class. Mom seemed at a loss as to how to comfort Elsa and get her into the class. The teacher gradually moved into the scene and Read more…
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Heart Handshakes?
All kids need hugs! However, when a divorce happens in a family many times the kids lost in the shuffle moving between homes. Or the because of the stress in the lives of the parents, the children’s needs get put on hold. You might say kids lose their hugs. The heart felt moments between parent and child become few and far between and Read more…
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Effects of Divorce on Teens and How Mobile Devices Can Complicate Healing
Divorce for teenagers is difficult at best. Now in the world of smart phones and other mobile devices divorce seems to be more open. These devices allow teens to express themselves with clarity never experienced before. It’s easy to fire off an angry text to a dad who has caused the divorce due to his infidelity. It’s easy to curse via a text Read more…
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Tweens and the Effects of Divorce on Their Lives
Defining the age group considered to be tweens depends upon the community you live in and the way your public school handles 5th and 6th grade children. Keep in mind that many children will regress emotionally and intellectually. To be a child on the threshold of adolescence is the worst time to have divorcing parents. Some teens when being told parents are divorcing Read more…
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How to help children of divorce with confused, divided and split loyalties
Children of divorce have to do a lot of adjusting. And they have to continue to adjust as they continue to grow. As new people enter into their parent’s lives, children adjust. As people leave their lives they adjust. They learn to make do and accommodate the adults in their lives. We said it before on this blog but I think it needs Read more…
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What does divorce do to a child?
Accept the challenge! Read articles on ministering to the child of divorce at blog.dc4k.org Get free email ministry tips. Subscribe to the DC4K blog here
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5 Ways You Can Help Single Parents Survive the Upcoming Holidays
From Halloween through Christmas can seem like an entire season for single parents. For people parenting alone or co-parenting these two months have a tendency to loom very large over them. Stress is high – finances are low. Parties are often – a full night of sleep is desired. Shopping and rushing around is endured – calm quiet activities are rare. What can Read more…
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Changing family structures: how they affect your church’s Christmas celebrations
♫♫ “Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat Please put a penny in the old man’s hat If you haven’t got a penny, a ha’penny will do, If you haven’t got a ha’penny then God bless you” ♫♫ This was once a popular Christmas song. It was comprised in the nineteenth century by an unknown author. It was a song that used Read more…
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Effects of Divorce on the 6, 7 and 8 year-old Child
Children in the early grades of elementary school are struggling to fit into two worlds – home and school. Her intellect is expanding rapidly and she is learning how the world operates. He is developing a sense of humor but is terrified at being laughed at by his peers. Divorce unsettles this newfound independence with this life at school and outside the family. Read more…
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How Divorce Affects Preschool Age Children
As a three to five year old child it is hard to understand what is happening when one parent moves out of the home. Parents may have told the child they were getting a divorce and daddy (or mommy) was moving out but a child has no concept of what this means or what the word divorce means. This leaves the child in Read more…
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How Divorce Affects Infants and Toddlers
Infants and toddlers are affected by the divorce in several ways. They don’t know what is going on but they do sense something is wrong. They pick up on the emotions of the adults around them. It will be hard for the parents to remain calm during the divorce process. Signs of distress in the child Infants and toddlers are likely to be Read more…
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Question of the week: Can kids in single parent homes become successful contributing adults to society when they grow up?
There are a lot of negative statistics about children in divorced homes. While these stats may be true, they may lead you to conclude that the children who come from these homes are set up for failure. It doesn’t have to be that way, and in many cases, it is not. When I first became a single mom my kids were 12 and 8 years of Read more…
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Our church flooded. What this taught me about the child of divorce.
I spent this afternoon at my church helping other church members move furniture and shop vacuuming water out our flooded church. Our area got hit really hard the past couple of days with rain. The rain came up over the berm behind the church and rushed throughout the building. All the children’s rooms on one side of the sanctuary flooded and two of Read more…
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KidMin Alert: Evangelical Christians are divorcing at a higher rate than non-Christians
Today’s guest blogger on the Kids & Divorce blog is Dale Hudson of Relevant Children’s Ministry, This information is important and it will profoundly affect your children’s ministry because it alerts all of us that work with children that no family is immune to divorce even Christians in the church. Thank you Dale for sharing this vitally important information with us. A recent report from Read more…
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Question of the week: What did you learn at CPC last week that was encouraging?
CPC is one of the premier children’s pastor’s conferences. It is hosted on the East Coast and also on the West Coast. Last week I was in Ontario, California for the West Coast conference. Even though I presented a workshop and did some coaching sessions I still learned a lot. The main thing that caught my attention: most children’s pastors still don’t focus Read more…
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Question of the week: What are 5 reasons a children’s minister should attend a kidmin conference?
1. You get to meet some of the most fun people in ministry. 2. You get renewed and rejuvenated. 3. Your soul gets stretched – think “deeper and wider”. 4. You learn what products are available to help you do a better job of ministering to the little people in the world. (Like DC4K, DivorceCare for Kids) 5. Your love for children and Read more…
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Question of the week: Know why I’m excited to be presenting at CPC this week?
CPC is the Children’s Pastor’s Conference. This week the conference is in Orlando at the Disney Conference Center. Now you might think that being at Disney in the warm sunny climate would be excitement enough but that is nothing compared to joy of being with children’s pastors for four days. Children’s pastors are the most fun people on the planet. One never knows Read more…
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Alarming increase: children living in single-parent families
It’s alarming. Fully one-third of all children in the US now live in single-parent families. From the Annie E. Casey Foundation we learn: “In 2012, 35 percent of children (24.7 million) lived in single-parent families.” The report goes on to state that “the percentage of children living in these households has increased by 13 percent (4 million children) since 2000. Kids living in Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do you find it important to be on the program and visible at children’s ministers and KidMin conferences?
I find it is important to be at these events because children’s ministers and church volunteers can impact a child of divorce in tremendous ways. Children of divorce should find hope, comfort and help in the church family. But the reality is many don’t. I have just returned from an 8 day trip where I spoke at LifeWay KidMin conference in Nashville, TN Read more…
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A result of the “Where Did He Go?” article in K magazine
Before the article, “Where Did He Go?” was published in the latest “K”Magazine, a children’s minister contacted Tina Houser, the editor of “K” Magazine. This children’s pastor needed some information on helping a three-year old little boy. Following is some of our conversation. I think you will appreciate this children’s pastor’s story. Children’s Pastor’s request I am a children’s pastor and I am Read more…
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Inspired to develop, lead and disciple at CMLeaders Conference
This past weekend I was privileged to attend the CMLeader’s Conference in Columbus, OH. This conference was sponsored by INCM, International Children’s Minister Network. The theme was develop, lead and disciple. What a treat it was to get to meet face-to-face all my children’s minster friends. Many of us know each other from FaceBook and Twitter but we have never actually met. We Read more…
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Where Did He Go?
The teacher looked on, as 4-year-old Elsa clung to her mom and screamed, “Don’t weave me. Mommy. Please don’t weave me.” the teacher was confused because little Elsa had always loved coming to her Sunday school class. Mom seemed at a loss as to how to comfort Elsa and get her into the class. The teach gradually moved into the scene, and with Read more…
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Five Things Every Dad Should Know
Today’s post by is by guest blogger Jim Daly of Focus on the Family. Thank you Jim for contributing to our Kids & Divorce blog. This article was originally posted on the Daly Focus blog at, www.community.focusonthefamily.com Copyright © 2013, Focus on the Family. Used by permission. When I was an eight-year-old boy, I looked to Hank, the father figure in my life, for Read more…
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Hey! There’s Paul!
Today’s post comes from guest writer, Linda Alderfer. Linda is the DC4K Director and Senior Consultant. Following is a story that comes from her own experience of running a DivorceCare for Kids group at her church. During an evening neighborhood walk, we passed the house of one of our DC4K students. It’s been a turbulent year for this 6 year old. Dad Read more…
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Father’s Day
Father’s Day is set aside to celebrate the father’s in our world. Some children of divorce may not have a close relationship with their father. Perhaps the Lord has provided another person to play that father role. If the Lord has provided a grandfather, uncle, older siblings, neighbors or even a male mentor from the church, encourage the child to celebrate that person. Read more…
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How you can get the R.E.A.L. strategy for ministering to kids of divorce & single parent families
I have a wonderful opportunity to present a full 8 hours at the Group KidMin Conference coming up in October. That is e-i-g-h-t hours! I am excited to have this opportunity to talk about kids of divorce and their single parents to children’s pastors and church leaders. The deeper learning track I’m presenting is “Ministry to Kids of Divorce and Single Parent Families. Read more…
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Talking to Kids about the Tornado in OK
I grew up in Bartlesville, OK. I have heard about tornadoes my entire life. I owned two child care programs in OK for over twenty-five years. As a kid I remember going into the hallways at school and putting my hands over my head while crouched down on my knees. In childcare we practiced relentlessly with the children. The fire department recommended which Read more…
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