Archive for October, 2014
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More things kids of divorce do well
After the last post about “Ten things kids of divorce do well,” people responded with more things these kids do well and I’ve been asked to update the lists of things these kids do well. Please understand these lists do not apply to all children of divorce. And not all things on the lists apply to every child. God creates all of us Read more…
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Question of the week: How do older adults divorcing affect children’s ministry?
A couple of years ago we began to hear about a relatively new occurrence—the gray divorce. The gray divorce is when mature and/or senior adults divorce. There are said to be several reasons for this phenomenon. You can read about them here. With the older adults divorcing, several things are going to affect churches and in particular children’s ministries. A children’s minister emailed Read more…
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A big problem for our future – 40% of children lack secure attachment
Many infants who live in a stressed single-parent home face attachment issues. The single parent, which could be a mom or a dad, might be in a state of shock and barely surviving. They take the child to childcare, work a full day, pick up the child, and stumble home. Hoping the childcare is giving adequate care, they may feed the child and Read more…
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Take precautions – deadly diseases
Ebola, pandemic, entrovirus – the list seems to be endless right now. People are scared. You can hear it in the almost panic voices of the news media as they expound on the Ebola crisis. Being in children’s ministry, I naturally think about the children in our communities. To be specific, I think about the children in single-parent families. Kids of divorce are often worriers. Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help grandparents deal with their child’s divorce?
“In our church we are having more and more grandparents coming to us wanting to visit about their adult child’s divorce. They seem to be mainly concerned about how to help their grandchildren. I’m pretty much clueless about what to say or how to help these senior adults.” There are a lot of issues a grandparent faces with the divorce of an adult child. Read more…
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5 Misperceptions About Children of Divorce and Their Families
In order to minister to children of divorce, we have to understand them. Unfortunately, many people who minister to these children and teenagers hold some common misperceptions about children of divorce and their families. They might not realize the extent to which these children are hurting. The following are five misperceptions people have shared with me about children of divorce and their families: Read more…
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Kids in trauma and emotional connections
Have you ever had a child who has experienced a crisis or trauma get attached to you? I’ve had children who I knew were connected to me emotionally. However, I had no idea of the depth of these connections. For the child of divorce and other life-changing traumas, it is a different kind of connection. They become attached not only to you but Read more…
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Question of the week: How do you tell kids the parents are getting a divorce?
Recently I was visiting with a man whose wife had told him two weeks before that she wanted a divorce. This man was devastated. He and his soon-to-be ex wife had in mind what they wanted to tell the children. I’m glad he asked about what to say because he was getting ready to make a huge mistake. His meeting with the children Read more…
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The ‘one thing’ when ministering to children in trauma
. Kids in trauma pick up on what is going on in your mind. Your presence of mind makes a difference to a child who has experienced a crisis. It’s as if they can read your thoughts, feel your heart and see your attitude toward them. I’ve often said kids are like dogs because they can smell fear. They know if you are Read more…
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Question of the week: Do you have any advice for parents to help children who rotate between two homes?
I was recently asked this question of Facebook. I know nothing about the individual situation that prompted this question so I can only answer in generalities. Here are a few ideas that will help all children. Share them with the single parents you know and minister to: Keep a calendar in a prominent place so the child can see it. Remind the child Read more…
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10 things kids of divorce do well
. Did you know that while divorce is heart breaking for children there are many things kids of divorce do well? Oh, maybe not at first but eventually as they heal and move forward with their lives, they have a few advantages over other kids who haven’t experienced the break up of their family. Here are some of the things they do well Read more…
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Divorce – The Post-It Note from childhood
How many of you have ever used post-it notes? Post-it notes are cool plus they serve a purpose. They stick and they stick to almost any substance. I use post it notes to mark songs in hymnbooks that I need to practice on the piano. When my kids were little I used them in their lunches to remind them they were loved. Sometimes Read more…