Archive for the ‘Attracting families’ Category
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Happy birthday to our favorite little fella – Herby
Today is Herby’s birthday. He is on spring break and sunning on the beach. 🙂 Some of you may not know Herby. Allow me to introduce you to him. Herby is the mascot of sorts for the DC4K (DivorceCare for Kids) program. Children all over the world are enjoying the feelings that Herby’s puppet faces express. They are getting acquainted with their own Read more…
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Have you ever played the Baggage Game?
Have you ever thought about the baggage a child of divorce carries around with them? I’m not talking about the backpacks or suitcases. I’m talking about the heavy stuff, the emotional stuff the things that weigh down their minds and make their hearts heavy. When I’m out doing workshops for children’s ministers and church leaders I like to have the participants play Read more…
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Little people need a big people advocate in the new year
As we are approaching a new year I want to challenge all of you to represent the little people at the big people’s table. What do I mean by that? I mean that many “little people” of divorce are going to be terribly stressed out as we approach the new year. They are going to need a big people advocate. Holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas are not Read more…
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New helpful single parent resource
Take a look at the new “sharpened” ParentZone with resources, to help single-parents and those supporting them. You can send single parents to the ParentZone to watch short videos to hep them during the time of parenting alone. Here are some samples: Parenting Goals & Expectations Tired & Overwhelmed Emotions & Stability: Anger & Anxiety Your Children & Your Fears You can Read more…
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Champions, cheerleaders, and mentors – oh my! How they can change a child’s life
Recently, I read the book Cheering for the Children by Casey Gwinn. This is an amazing book, and while not written for church leaders or children’s ministers, it is a worthwhile read to anyone ministering to children, especially those who have experienced early trauma, including the divorce of their parents. Gwinn is a man who understands that children hurt by those they love Read more…
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Are you leaving children at the foot of the cross?
Several years ago, I had a man tell me, “Don’t leave these kids from divorced homes at the foot of the cross!” I wasn’t sure I’d heard what he said, so I asked him to repeat it. Don’t leave these kids of divorce at the foot of the cross! This was very confusing to me. I had to ask what on Read more…
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Do kids ever recover from the divorce of their parents?
Recover might not be an appropriate term to use. When you think of the term recover or look it up, the definition is “to return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.” When you think of kids recovering from the divorce of their parents, you need to understand their lives will never return to their previous state. Things will always be Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help a mean or hurtful child?
Many children come across as being mean or hurtful. However, most of these children just need help regulating their behavior. They don’t need consequences and punishments. Let me say it again: they need help regulating their behavior. How do you help a child who comes across as being mean? How do you have empathy for a child who is hurtful to others? I Read more…
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Help bring predictability to the child of divorce
Children of divorce need predictability in their lives. This means it’s very important that children of divorce know they can depend on specific things happening at specific times. They often perceive their lives as out of control and in disarray. Here’s why predictability is important: Predictability lends itself to security. Unlike routines, rituals involve a special feeling of connecting with another human being. Read more…
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Are You Flying Over Mission Fields to Get to the Mission Fields?
 The mission field in the U.S. is screaming! There is such a huge need for Jesus in our communities. The mission fields your church might be flying over are the apartment complexes and the low-income housing down the street from your church. Don’t get me wrong. I highly support foreign missions. I think we should be going out into all the world Read more…
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Why 35% of the children in your community aren’t connected with your ministry—and how you can reach them in 2018
Think of them as you would an “unreached people group”—except they live right in your own community, not in some faraway country. Today, according to the Annie E. Casey Kids Count Data Center, 35% of all children live in single-parent homes. Many of them are not involved in church and don’t know Jesus. Bottom line: their parents often don’t feel welcome in church Read more…
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Question of the week: How can I get the single parent family involved and serving over the holidays?
A children’s minister asked me this question recently. It inspired me to share these thoughts with you. Christmas is hard on many single-parent families. While some single-parent families are struggling to adjust to this new lifestyle, others have been single parenting for years. These are the single parents who are ready to serve and give back. From my observations over the past years, Read more…
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Question of the week: Can you help me understand life in the single-parent home?
One family minister sent me an email with the following: I’ve been ministering to some single parents in our church. It seems like they continue to just spin out of control all the time. We get one situation cleaned up, and something else pops up on the radar. He went on to give a list of situations these single parents had experienced: Read more…
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Do you want more children than ever in your church?
What if I told you that More than likely you could increase the number of children attending your church substantially? You might very well be able to reach many more children for Christ than ever before this next fall? You could change many children’s lives for the better? You’re probably wondering how this could be possible. I mean, you work very hard Read more…
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Need more helpers in children’s ministry?
Finding volunteers to work in children’s ministry can be daunting, to say the least. I remember years ago when I was a children’s ministry director, finding helpers was the hardest part of my job. I would imagine it is ever harder in our fast-paced world today. When you have children of divorce in your ministries who might be out of control or have Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help a single parent with a young child who screams when being left on Sunday mornings?
Helping the single parent of a young child can be difficult when there is upheaval going on in the home. A children’s minister friend experienced this to me and sent me the following scenario. The mom was bringing her young son to church, but the little boy didn’t want to stay. “We’ve assigned one person to accept this little boy, and even if Read more…
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DivorceCare for Kids: how it meets a HUGE need at local churches
DivorceCare for Kids (DC4K) is a comprehensive, church-based program that equips local churches to help children of divorce. It’s designed to work in parallel with the adult DivorceCare program (although DC4K can also run as a stand-alone program). DC4K created this blog to help church leaders and volunteers understand the issues faced by kids caught in the crossfire of a family breakup. I Read more…
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10 Reasons why children of divorce don’t want to attend your church
“What will people at church think of me?” “I don’t want to be singled out.” These statements are only two of the many reasons children of divorce might not feel comfortable in your church. New environments are just hard for some kids to accept, but children of divorce have more reasons they don’t want to be in your church. In my work, I’ve Read more…
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A single parent TV reality show at your church?
What if a divorced single parent family suddenly showed up at your church and un be known to you, they were involved in a T.V. reality show? When you found out, how would you handle things any differently than when you didn’t know? Stop and think about that for a few minutes. What attitude would you betray when you didn’t know? Most Read more…
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A DC4K volunteer-team, success story
Today’s post is by guest writer Linda Alderfer. Linda is the DC4K (DivorceCare for Kids) ministry coach for churches that have purchased the DC4K kit and for those with questions about starting DC4K. Linda’s inspiring story brings attention to the excitement churches can experience when starting such a vital and needed program for the hurting children in all of our communities. Read more…
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Do your church members take dinner to a family when there is the death of a marriage?
When my husband had cancer, our church group poured into our lives emotionally and spiritually. They prayed for us and laid hands on us as they prayed with us. They brought in food. They sent cards of well-wishes. His cancer treatment was in another town, and he had to be hospitalized ninety miles from our home. Our friends handed me cash to Read more…
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“We don’t have any kids in our church from divorced families. Why would we need DivorceCare for Kids?”
You might be surprised to find children of divorce in your church. It might mean one has to look differently for children of divorce and in places you might not have considered. For example, ever thought about children in two-parent families being from a divorce? If you have any blended or step family situations then more than likely you have children of Read more…
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How you can help grandparents face financial issues when parenting grandchildren
In a previous article we talked about how to help grandparents prepare their home for grandkids who come to stay. This post will discuss the financial issues these grandparent face when the grandkids come to live with them and how you, the church, can help these families. There are many reasons grandkids come to live with grandparents. Some of these situations include Read more…
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Single-parent land mine—helping single parents navigate the dating scene
As a children’s minister or church leader, you may be wondering why you would need to understand the single-parent land mine of dating. I mean, is this topic one that is greatly going to affect your ministry? The answer is a loud YES! And you want to know why it can affect your ministry? Because normally when a single parent starts Read more…
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How to help grandparents prepare their home for grandkids who come to stay
 Most of us think of grandparents as the special people who spoil the grandkids, fill them full of candy, and then send them home for mommy and daddy to deal with when they are all hyped up on sugar. In our day and age, however, many grandparents don’t have the luxury of being those special people who fill the kids up on Read more…
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With VBS coming up, attitudes and conversations can make a difference when you have a rambunctious group of kids
Summer is here, and recently I’ve been doing my early morning walk on the beach. In our part of the country we have a beach restoration project going on. This project involves ships, pipes 4 feet in diameter, tractors, backhoes, and other equipment needed to dredge the sand off the bottom of the ocean and pump it up onto the beach. It’s Read more…
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The choices you make today affects a child tomorrow: Ministering to the child of divorce
The choices you make today in ministering to children of divorce can affect them for the rest of their lives. If the child of divorce finds….. Attention from church leaders, it might very well prevent that teen girl from getting pregnant. Value at church, it might prevent that teen boy from committing suicide. Someone who cares for them at church, it might prevent Read more…
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Children of Divorce Deserve Better Treatment in Our Churches
How does a church, which focuses on traditional family ministry, minister to the child of divorce? This seems to be the question many churches are wrestling with as they try to define exactly what family ministry looks like. Divorcing families have indeed changed the landscape of what families look like within the church. Several years ago Amy Ziettlow and Elizabeth Marquardt, with the Read more…
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Confused about gender confusion and other modern family issues?
Faith-based resources to help church leaders minister effectively. Gender confusion, gender nonconformity, gender discordance, donor kids, gay and lesbian issues—these are real-life struggles that children are observing in their own families, even with their own parents. The better you understand the many issues surrounding these families, the better you’re equipped to help. As Christian leaders we must stay in tune with what Read more…
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“Mommy says Daddy has a girlfriend”
How to respond when a child discloses a shocker. Families are rapidly changing in our world today. Fewer than half the children under eighteen years of age live in a home with the two married birth parents. Many of these two-parent birth families as well as other kinds of families experience dysfunction with moral and worldly issues. The children in these situations Read more…
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What adult children of divorce want church leaders to know
After interviewing adult children of divorce I’ve learned they really want support and understanding in their church today. Even though many may have dropped out of church as a child, they know they want a relationship with Christ. Many of them want to serve in the church or in the least attend on a regular basis. Here are just a few of the Read more…
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Adult children of divorce: Time alone won’t heal childhood wounds
Divorce has life long consequences. If a person was young when their parents divorced they have had to face processing several childhood milestones with only one parent. If they were older, such as a teenager, their parent’s divorce may have them questioning their entire value system. Some research shows the younger a person is when the divorce happens, the more times they process Read more…
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How to teach children of divorce about love and marriage, pt. 2
Using Scripture, the plumb line for relationships. After modeling and demonstrating what love is, (part 1) church leadership can help children, teens, and even adult children of divorce understand what a marriage relationship plumb line looks like. Ephesians 5:21–33 is a starting point. Use that passage to help them see that: God wants husbands to love their wives by serving them. (Eph. 5:25, 33) Read more…
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Why do kids in single parent families matter in 2016 children’s ministry?
Nationally 1/3 of the next generation of adults are being raised in single parent homes. They are going to grow up and impact our country and communities. Kids in single parent families matter because they are the next generation of Politicians Doctors Lawyers Teachers Policemen Military personnel Ministers Parents And possibly even the President Do you want 1/3 of our next generation of Read more…
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How Divorce Affects Preschool Age Children
As a three to five year old child it is hard to understand what is happening when one parent moves out of the home. Parents may have told the child they were getting a divorce and daddy (or mommy) was moving out but a child has no concept of what this means or what the word divorce means. This leaves the child in Read more…
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Has non-traditional family become traditional?
Recently at the D6 2015 Conference there was a lot of talk about families. The D6 Conference is about family ministry with those families usually being the two-parent families. This year there was a lot of talk about the non-traditional families. You know those families that don’t fit the traditional mold of a two-parent family. These include the Single parent family Step and Read more…
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A Disney-like approach to ministering to children of divorce
Research shows that for many children the treatment they receive at church after the divorce of their parent’s hurts almost as much as the divorce itself. Many children feel the loss of a church deeply and for years to come. What if church leaders developed a Disney like approach when ministering to these kids? I’ve visited various Disney parks many times. They know Read more…
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Question of the week: What are the effects of divorce on low-income families?
Recently I posted an article about how divorce affects children in high-income families. In many areas they fare worse than children in low-income families. However, children in low-income families have their issues too. Divorce tends to be cyclical in many families. Low-income families have been experiencing divorce longer than high-income families. Many of these adult children of divorce from low-income families are no Read more…
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Question of the week: Can you help me understand child visitation arrangements?
“I understand the ‘every other weekend’ visitation schedule. I understand a child visiting the other parent on holidays and during the summer. But we have kids in our church whose attendance is so sporadic. We never know when they are going to show up.” “We have custodial parents who say they have custody but they come to us with horrific tales of woe. Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do kids in single parent families matter in my 2014 children’s ministry?
Nationally they are 1/3 of the next generation. They are going to grow up and impact our country and communities. They impact your ministry. Kids in single parent families matter because they are the next generation of Politicians Doctors Lawyers Teachers Policemen Military personnel Ministers Parents Do you want 1/3 of our next generation of professionals, workers and parents to be strangers to Read more…