Archive for the ‘Single Parents’ Category
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When grandparents have custody of the grandchildren – discipline and how the church can help
In the post, “What do I need to know when grandparents assume responsibility for their grandchildren?” I presented the many changes a grandparent must face when providing full-time care for a grandchild or grandchildren when the child’s parents are not able to provide care. Now, I want to discuss the discipline issues many grandparents must face. It can be a daunting task to Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I handle Fathers Day with kids who have absent, uninvolved fathers?
Father’s Day is upon us again. I’ve been watching all the Father’s Day ideas on Pinterest and Facebook pages that serve children’s ministers. I’ve also received a slew of emails from prominent children’s ministers and children’s organizations talking about honoring fathers on this up-and-coming Father’s Day. I’m seeing some great ideas, and I’m glad to see churches reaching out to fathers. Read more…
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Practical tips to honor noncustodial dads on Father’s Day
In a previous post about Father’s Day we talked about the how to help kids who have a MIA dad. There are many dads who are not missing. These are the dads, who while they might not have custody, are good dads that love their children deeply. They care about the well fare of the kids and the family where their children live. Read more…
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Single Parents: How do I help my kid transition into their summer visitation schedule?
“The children in our area will be getting out of school in the next couple of weeks. I already know several kids of divorce that will be taking off the day after school is out. How do I send these kids off for the summer and let them know how much we will miss them?” (A children’s pastor) Many children of divorce have Read more…
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Is there a difference between a broken home and a single parent family?
Many times when people say, “broken home” one thinks of a single-parent home where the kids are out of control or possibly the parent is out of control. You might question if there is a big difference between broken homes and single-parent homes. I mean, after all, don’t both kinds of homes have only one parent? So, is there really a difference between Read more…
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Single moms are moms too! Honor them on Mother’s Day.
Single moms deserve the honor of being acknowledged on Mother’s Day. But how many single moms will be in your church on Mother’s Day? Have you ever noticed that some single moms might not attend on Mother’s Day? Know why? Because it can be a hurtful day without their children. You know, the kids who are with the other parent every other Read more…
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Single Parents: Ten Discipline Solutions for Single Parents
When one is parenting alone, there is no one to help late at night or on a day-to-day basis when discipline situations arise. It can get overwhelming, to say the least. Following are some typical questions many single parents have asked me regarding discipline situations. You can use this article to help educate yourself so when something happens you will have Read more…
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Single Parents: Summer months can be very complicated for your children
Summer months can become very sticky, messy, and complicated for mothers, fathers, and children in divorced families and single-parent homes. Divorce decrees can mandate that when school is out, and the children visit the other parent for extended periods of time. They may stay several weeks or even all summer with the other parent. In places with year-round school, the children might stay Read more…
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Suicide myths: Learning the truths
This is the third article in this series on suicide in children. The first asked the question, “Do elementary age children seriously die by suicide?” The second was, “A call for help”. In this article, we separate the truths from the myths of suicide. It is important to truly understand all aspects of suicide in children so we can help them have a Read more…
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Single Parents: What are the 3 S’s that can trigger unexpected emotions and memories at Christmas?
Just thinking about walking into my mom’s kitchen brings back fond memories. The aroma of homemade candies and pies flood my mind. The sight of her Christmas tree with the tiny little red bell that had been in my family since before I was born comes to my mind. Any time I smell cinnamon, it takes me back to Christmases past when Read more…
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Give it all to Jesus: My personal story of surviving the holidays
I’ve been through some painful Christmases, following a divorce and after the death of my husband. Down through the years, I developed a way to survive the Christmas season. I’ve shared this story with hundreds of people and I’ve shared it on this blog in Christmases past. Hurting single parents have told me that this one story has helped them also discover a Read more…
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Single Parents: The Wind Chime that Changed Christmas
For this single-parent family, it was the first Christmas without the other parent. How could a wind chime make a difference? How did a wind chime help this single parent make new traditions during the holidays? As single parents, we need to approach the birth of our Savior during the Christmas holidays. It doesn’t have to be all about presents, stressing over Read more…
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Ways to help the angry child of divorce be thankful at Thanksgiving
Many times the child of divorce doesn’t comprehend the idea of being grateful. As a matter of fact, many children of divorce get angry over the holidays. Being thankful is not on their minds at all. Even if you are teaching about being thankful, they may not understand the concept because of the anger they are experiencing. For the child of divorce, many Read more…
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Gaming addiction and kids of divorce
Today’s post is by guest author Linda Alderfer, DC4K director and ministry coach. Why do children’s ministers and DC4K (DivorceCare for Kids) leaders need to be aware of gaming addiction? Excessive use of video games can become a trap (an addiction) kids get caught in as they try to escape their emotional turmoil. Experts have found that excessive gaming leads to addiction Read more…
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Happy Mother’s Day to all the single moms everywhere
Single moms deserve the honor of being acknowledged on Mother’s Day. When you get to know a single mom you begin to realize they are the most determined group of people you will ever meet. Single moms have reared some amazing adults. Single moms today are raising the next generation of doctors, lawyers, scientist, ministers, politicians, teachers, parents and every profession you can Read more…
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How to keep single parents from burning out
Loneliness and stress are probably the largest reasons why single parents burn out. And right now with Covid 19 and the sheltering in place and lock downs, many single parent are feeling the crunch. Many are not getting to see the children because they are at the other parent’s home. Others are worried that with all the transporting back and forth between Read more…
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Take precautions – infectious virus
Coronavirus and pandemic are words being cast around the world right now. People are scared. You can hear it in the almost panic voices of the news media as they expound on the coronavirus crisis. Being in children’s ministry, I naturally think about the children in our communities. To be specific, I think about the children in single-parent families. Kids of divorce are Read more…
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Question of the week: How does Valentine’s Day affect kids and divorced parents?
The infamous day of “love” is coming up. You know the one I’m talking about: Valentine’s Day. How Valentine’s Day affects kids and divorced parents is an interesting question. A lot of how it affects kids and parents depends on where the parents are in the divorce process. If the parents are recently divorced, still healing, and not involved in another relationship, Read more…
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Reasons Why Children Get Angry During the Holidays
Some single parents face the holidays with excitement and a resolve to make this holiday season the best ever for their children. However, if this is the first year a single parent in your church has faced the holidays, he or she may be approaching the holidays with trepidation. These single parents might not be sure how their children are going to react Read more…
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The Wind Chime That Changed Christmas
For this single-parent family, it was the first Christmas without the other parent. How could a wind chime make a difference? How did a wind chime help this single parent make new traditions during the holidays? It’s important for single parents to approach the birth of our Savior during the Christmas holidays. It doesn’t have to be all about presents, stressing over where Read more…
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Murdered Single Mom
Six years ago, at about 6 p.m. on Christmas Eve, a seventeen-year-old young man murdered his single mom in the Florida community where I live. They had been having an altercation, and at some point, the young man grabbed a baseball bat, beat his mom, and stabbed her numerous times with kitchen knives. From all accounts, the young man appeared to be a Read more…
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Happy 4th
Single parent If you are a divorced parent and not with your children today on the 4th of July, give them a call, or text them. Let them know you are thinking of them, and wish them a safe 4th of July. If you have your children with you today, plan some kind of celebration, even if it’s just a picnic in your Read more…
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How Do You Help the Single Dads in Your Church?
When many people think “single parent” they automatically think of the single mom. While single moms do make up the majority of single parents, single dad households are on the rise. According to research published in 2013 and released by the Pew Research Social & Demographic Trends in the article “The Rise of Single Fathers” minor children living in a home headed by Read more…
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Does your church disciple single dads?
We hear a lot in the news about deadbeat single dads. These stories are about single dads who don’t step up to the plate and support their children. Not long ago there was the news story in the New York Times titled, Skip Child Support. Go to Jail. Lose Job. Repeat. I’m not here to debate the political correctness of that situation. I Read more…
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Happy Father’s Day!
To single dads, co-parenting dads, noncustodial fathers, stepdads, and to those who are happily married: thanks for all you do to love and support your children. You make a difference!
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Regarding Father’s Day: Single dads are dads too!
This month I’d like to bring emphasis to the single dads in our world today. Let’s start by thinking about single dads and Father’s Day. Father’s Day is set aside to celebrate the father’s in our world. Some children of divorce may not have a close relationship with their father. Perhaps the Lord has provided another person to play that father role. Read more…
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Grieving a death vs. grieving a divorce: a child’s perspective
Losing a parent to death or to divorce is catastrophic for any child. However, there are different issues in the grief process between the death of a parent and the end of the parent’s marriage. When a child loses a parent due to death, even young children can understand the concept that the body quit working. All children come across toys or things that Read more…
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Why kids won’t tell their stories
Recently I posted an article about why kids need to tell their stories. It is very important for kids to talk and tell stories about the breakup of their family. Unfortunately, there are several reasons why they won’t attempt to talk and share what is happening to them. Did you notice I said, “Won’t attempt to talk?” Some kids become mute when they are with Read more…
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Why do kids of divorce need to tell their stories?
If you read this blog often you have read, “kids need to tell their stories.” Why do I continually say this. Is it really that important for kids to talk about their lives? Is it important to bring up things that are currently happening in their daily lives? Absolutely it is and here’s why. I’ve read several books about adult children of divorce and many Read more…
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Kids that exhibit strange and unusual actions
Have you ever had a child exhibit behaviors that you couldn’t quite put your finger on what the problem was? The child who acts out at strange times The child who says something out of the ordinary and you don’t realize it until later in the day when you think, “That was a strange comment for him to make.” The kid who runs, Read more…
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Help a single parent family turn to God
I see many single parents turn to the church for help. They know they need help in working through a crisis. They understand they need support through prayer partners in the church. However, in today’s world a lot of people simply don’t know how to seek God. Church is foreign to them and they are clueless as to what goes on in that Read more…
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Why are behavior problems compounded when there is a divorce?
I get asked this questions all the time: “Why do behavior problems escalate when there is a divorce.” Having divorcing parens creates a lot of confusion in many children, not all children but in many children. To a little kid there are crazy things start happening when parents separate or divorce. The child doesn’t understand adult problems and even though a lot of Read more…
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Are hungry hearts listening?
Hungry hearts have no ears. This was a phrase that Ms. Kennedy, an elementary teacher, used to tell the parents of children in her class about the importance of proper nutrition and having enough to eat. After reading a research project that was conducted at the Anthony Elementary School in Leavenworth, Kansas, this above phrase makes more sense to me. The study at Anthony Read more…
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Helping single parents and their kids survive Valentine’s Day
Most of us who work with or minister to children smile when we think about Valentine’s Day. Perhaps you remember the excitement of taking your Valentine cards to school to swap with the other kids. Or maybe you are experiencing your own kids and their excitement at getting all those cards on Valentine’s Day. While Valentine’s Day can be exciting for many people, Read more…
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Emotional concussions can be just as lethal, and sometimes even more so, than a physical concussion
Have you ever considered the term emotional concussion? Have you ever thought about what might be involved in an emotional concussion? Emotional concussions occur when young children Live in homes controlled by alcohol, drugs, explosive tempers Live in homes full of stress Live with dysfunctional adults Have exposure to people who are physically, emotionally, and/or sexually abusive Experience the divorce of their parents From Read more…
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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies
Children of divorce have a lot of questions to ask but many times they don’t know whom to ask. If or when they do get up the courage to ask their questions, many are told lies. Or maybe they aren’t really lies but “half-truths.” Children need the truth– not lies or made up stories. I have always advocated that children be told the Read more…
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“Whether” getting you down?
I imagine when you read the title you thought I misspelled “whether.” You probably thought I was going to talk about the weather. The weather can be depressing. On my Facebook feed yesterday, several children’s ministers were announcing their church would be closed due to the horrific snow storm in some of the Northern states. A snow storm on Sunday and keeping Read more…
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5 Ways You Can Help Single Parents Survive the Upcoming Holidays
From Halloween through Christmas can seem like an entire season for single parents. For people parenting alone or co-parenting these two months have a tendency to loom very large over them. Stress is high – finances are low. Parties are often – a full night of sleep is desired. Shopping and rushing around is endured – calm quiet activities are rare. What can Read more…
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Why we shouldn’t try and “happy up” children who are hurting at Christmas
I want to take you inside the mind and heart of a child whose parents are separated or recently divorced. I’d like to help you to understand what Christmas will look like for them. It’s a stark contrast to the Christmas most of you will enjoy. We reflect on the Christ child at Christmas most of us feel joy and wonder. We get Read more…
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Why the “Three Strikes and You’re Out” policy doesn’t work with the child of divorce
One popular discipline policy churches use is what is called the “Three Strikes and You’re Out” policy. In theory it sounds reasonable but for many hurting children it is not reasonable or even fair. It goes something like this; the child doesn’t obey the rules, is unruly or is disrespectful in some manner and the count down starts. Strike 1: The first time Read more…
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Give thanks today and tomorrow
Gratitude increases closeness in relationships. “As you parent your children, look for opportunities to take advantage of gratefulness to draw closer to your kids.” Dr. Scott Turansky Wishing all of our friends a happy and safe Thanksgiving
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Be an encourager for the little people this holiday season
When I was growing up, we went to my grandmother’s for holiday events. I remember when our entire family, including all the cousins, came together at Christmas, there were always two eating areas. One was in the kitchen at the kitchen table, and that’s where all the kids or, as my grandfather would say, “the little people” would eat. At the nice dining-room Read more…
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Successful communication tips when talking to children
It’s important to know what not to say, what to say, and how to say it. Recently I published a post about focusing on what you want more of. I got several private messages with questions and what if situations. Much of the people wanted to know more about controlling behaviors by the way you speak. What not to say “Okay?” at the Read more…
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Are you making life difficult for the child of divorce?
Do you make life difficult for the child of divorce? You might be surprised to learn you are doing that. Let me put this another way, do you dress the child of divorce in meaningless “garb”? Many times as adults we make life difficult for children. This is especially true for children of divorce. We try to comfort the child with adult-isms. You Read more…
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Got grouchy kids this week?
What are the two most difficult days out of the entire year for the child of divorce? Want to try and guess what they are? Christmas? Thanksgiving? Valentines Day? Halloween? Birthday? Did you pick any of the above? These are all good guesses and for many children some of these days are difficult. But the two days that cause havoc with the Read more…
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Responses to “What you focus on you get more of”
Recently I published a blog post about the importance of focusing on what we want kids to do and not on what we don’t want them to do. In the article I state, “I focus on how I want the kids to act and how they should behave. I set the expectations and standards early on, like the minute they walk into our Read more…
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Kids of divorce need predictability. How do you give them that?
Today, we continue our exploration about the importance of “rituals” for the child of divorce. This post will focus on the need for predictability in the lives of children of divorce. It’s very important that the child of divorce knows they can depend on specific things happening at specific times. They often have the perception that their lives are out of control and in disarray. Read more…
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The legacy impact of divorce on children
Divorce often has a profound lifetime effect on the child of divorce. While not all divorce-related legacies affect every child, most children will have some repercussions from the dissolution of the parent’s marriage. Divorce affects every child differently – even children in the same families. Following are some of the short-term legacies that most children experience. Short-term Intense stress Overwhelming emotions Constant fear Read more…
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5 Misperceptions About Children of Divorce and Their Families
In order to minister to children of divorce, we have to understand them. Unfortunately, many people who minister to these children hold some common misperceptions about children of divorce and their families. They might not realize the extent to which these children are hurting. The following are five misperceptions people have shared with me about children of divorce and their families: “These kids Read more…
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“I hate Divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel
For some church leaders and children’s workers it may be hard to truly understand what happens with a child of divorce inside the child’s head, within the heart, and under the skin Plainly stated, children lose their family. They lose a mom and dad living together as a unit. While this may seem like it is a simple statement, it has monumental outcomes Read more…
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A big problem for our future – 40% of children lack secure attachment
Many infants who live in a stressed single-parent home face attachment issues. The single parent, which could be a mom or a dad, might be in a state of shock and barely surviving. They take the child to childcare, work a full day, pick up the child, and stumble home. Hoping the childcare is giving adequate care, they may feed the child and Read more…
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Divorce – The Post-It Note from childhood
How many of you have ever used post-it notes? Post-it notes are cool plus they serve a purpose. They stick and they stick to almost any substance. I use post it notes to mark songs in books that I need to practice on the piano. When my kids were little I used them in their lunches to remind them they were loved. Sometimes Read more…
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One bird alone is like a single parent alone
Starting in May birds from South America arrive in our area to nest. They nest along the causeway to Navarre Beach from May to mid-September. I live in that area and walk the Navarre Bridge and causeway each morning during the summer months. I watch as these birds claim their territory and begin nesting. The black skimmers are fascinating to watch as they Read more…
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New helpful single parent resource
Take a look at the new “sharpened” ParentZone with resources, to help single-parents and those supporting them. You can send single parents to the ParentZone to watch short videos to hep them during the time of parenting alone. Here are some samples: Parenting Goals & Expectations Tired & Overwhelmed Emotions & Stability: Anger & Anxiety Your Children & Your Fears You can Read more…
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What a difference a smile makes!
When my grandson was three years old I moved into my daughter’s house and lived there for a year while she was deployed to Afghanistan. I noticed right away, the three year-old smiled all the time. This little kid was one happy little guy. He even smiled most of the time when he was in trouble. His smile and happiness rarely got him Read more…
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Why do kids of divorce ask, “Who am I?”
Imagine looking like your father and being proud of that fact. Perhaps at some point in your young life your grandmother proudly said to her friends, “This is Sonny’s boy. Doesn’t he look just like Sonny?” And all of her friends proclaim that yes you were the spitting image of your father and you even look a lot like your grandfather. A smile Read more…
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How you can help the child of divorce succeed at school this year
Some children of divorce are excited to go back to school. Others are not. Here’s why. You’ll see both extremes among the kids in your ministry. No matter how you feel, there are things you can do to help them get off to a great start– and have a successful year. Begin the process by talking to the child’s parent. Ask if you can offer some Read more…
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Sobbing child on an airplane!
A couple of years ago Jon Acuff posted the following on Facebook. Yesterday on my flight, a 13 year old boy who was traveling alone sat next to me. Before we took off he lowered the tray table in front of him, put his head in his arms and started sobbing. Big tears covered the tray as he wept in his seat I asked Read more…
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Why children of divorce feel helpless – and how “choices” can help
One of the tragedies of divorce for children is the feeling of helplessness. Many adults who experienced their parents’ divorce report that, as children, they felt powerless and vulnerable. For the children it seems as though everything is out of control. Changing routines People moving out Things and belongings disappearing People disappearing such as neighbors if there is a move And this is Read more…
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Question of the week: Can you help me understand boundaries that some single parents might need to develop?
There are many single parents that have always had problems setting boundaries for themselves. For some the lack of ability to set personal boundaries is the reason they are parenting alone. Other single parents develop boundary problems when they begin to parent alone. Maybe it is due to the shock of becoming a single parent or perhaps it is the stress involved in Read more…
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Bottom line – kids need boundaries and hope to succeed in life
Single parents need to clearly, positively and assertively communicate boundaries to children. But in order to do this single parents must be able to have boundaries in place for themselves. Why are boundaries and guidelines so important to children? To help you understand the why of boundaries, let’s take a little trip. Let’s say that we have to go to an appointment. Read more…
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The importance of collections to the child of divorce
All kids like to collect things. Rocks, bugs, jewels, stamps, coins, and other small items become important to children. Sometimes the items are silly, fun things, while other times there might be a purpose to the art of collecting certain items. Some children turn their collections into hobbies. Boys who collect baseball cards and other sports memorabilia are good examples of collecting Read more…
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Ten tips to create an every-other-weekend home for the child of divorce
Many times, we concentrate on the single-parent home where a child resides. But there are thousands of part-time single parents. These are the situations when the kids come to visit on the weekend. Part-time single parents need help and suggestions to create an emotionally and spiritually healthy environment for the kids. This information in this blog is to help single parents whose kids Read more…
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How puppies can help you understand little kids in divorced homes
About three years ago, we got a cute, little puppy. She was from a rescue organization, and she was not quite twelve weeks when we brought her home. She was a just a little mutt but still cute nonetheless. She was all white, fluffy, and just the sweetest, little thing. Oh, how I fell in love with her. She wasn’t without trials, Read more…
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Are you leaving children at the foot of the cross?
Several years ago, I had a man tell me, “Don’t leave these kids from divorced homes at the foot of the cross!” I wasn’t sure I’d heard what he said, so I asked him to repeat it. Don’t leave these kids of divorce at the foot of the cross! This was very confusing to me. I had to ask what on Read more…
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The challenge of childcare for single parents and how to help
We all know our children are the next generation. Unless adults make conscious efforts, they parent kids the way they were parented. Being parented doesn’t necessarily mean your mother or father raised you. For generations, people such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends have raised children. We have even had children raised by people once unknown to the children, such as foster parents. Read more…
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Do kids ever recover from the divorce of their parents?
Recover might not be an appropriate term to use. When you think of the term recover or look it up, the definition is “to return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.” When you think of kids recovering from the divorce of their parents, you need to understand their lives will never return to their previous state. Things will always be Read more…
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Children caught in the middle
Allow me to share this story I think will help you understand how hard it sometimes is to move forward in life. One spring day, I was walking in my neighborhood. As I rounded the curve, I noticed a little girl who looked to be about five years old playing outside while her mom worked in the yard. When I came back Read more…
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Should you make kids apologize?
I don’t believe in making kids apologize. You may be wondering if you read that correctly. Yes, I said, “I don’t believe in making kids apologize.” Stay with me on this because there are reasons I feel this way. And it is especially true for the child of divorce. Don’t get me wrong—it’s wise to teach children to apologize when they offend Read more…
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Question of the week: How can single parents overcome unique summertime problems?
Upon reading the post Dreading the summer as a single parent, a Single & Parenting leader responded with some concerns single parents had shared with her about the summer months. Daycare costs go up dramatically. One mom said she usually pays for after-school care and now will pay for full daycare. Her expenses are going from $250 to more than $800 a Read more…
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Single parent: free help with household chores!
Leaders: share this post with single parents! Parenting alone can be overwhelming. If you are a single parent, the following strategies can lift some of the burden of running your home: The responsibilities The chores The kids The car The laundry The appointments The kids’ activities The schedule changes The extra jobs or overtime So let me ask you: Are you up for Read more…
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It’s hard when kids leave for visitation. How can you help the single parent?
This is a tough issue. I have to confess I didn’t handle this one very well when I was a single parent. The first few times my children left for the weekend, I was lost and hurting. I have learned over the years how to approach this dilemma. This is one of those issues that unless you’ve experienced it or walked with Read more…
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Do you have single parents dreading the summer? Here are some ideas from an expert.
Today’s post is from guest writer Kathy Fallon.* Kathy shares with us her personal experiences of how she handled the summer as a working, divorced single mom. Share these wonderful ideas with the single parents connected to your ministry. When I was a single mom, I dreaded the summer. It was a time I still had to work, and the kids were out of Read more…
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Need tips to help a child transition to the other parent’s home for the summer?
Depending on where you live, children will be getting out of school in the next few days and weeks. This means many children will be traveling across the country or town to spend the summer with their other parent. How do children’s pastors and church leaders help these kids have a good send-off? You may want them to understand you will miss Read more…
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Question of the week: What custody arrangement is best for the children?
People ask me this question quite often. Usually, they are children’s ministry leaders or church leaders who don’t have much experience with divorce or single-parenting issues. Nationally, there is a huge debate on this issue. Let’s take a step back in history to help you understand some of the issues in this debate. In 1969, when then-Governor Ronald Reagan signed the no-fault divorce Read more…
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Children of divorce: caught in the middle
On my morning walk, I noticed two birds chirping very loudly. One bird was on the right side of the street. The other bird was on the left side of the street. It seemed to me that they were conversing with each other. The one on the right chirped almost as if it were yelling. Then the bird on the left Read more…
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Question of the week: Why are family meals so important for the single parent?
Quite a bit of research shows that family meals are important in keeping kids connected to the family unit. Some research even says kids get better grades and are less depressed when families eat together. Unfortunately, with the hectic, busy lifestyles single parents lead, family meals are often the last thing they think about. On the way home after work and picking Read more…
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How will you honor a single mom on Mother’s Day?
Mother’s Day is coming up. Have you thought much about how you might honor the single mothers in your congregation? For me personally, Mother’s Day was one of the hardest days of celebration when my kids weren’t with me. I know other single moms who feel the same way. Many single moms purposefully don’t attend church on Mother’s Day when they don’t Read more…
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How does a single mom survive parenting alone while also coping with cancer
Parenting alone can be a tough journey when one doesn’t feel well. Most single parents continue to go to work when they don’t feel well, so they can save their sick days for when their children are sick. But what happens when they face life-threatening illnesses such as cancer? I know there were a few times in my single-parent life when I got Read more…
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Question of the week: How do you prepare your child for the disruption of their schedule?
Anyone who ministers to children of divorce will come across this issue at some point. Most of these kids struggle with chaotic schedules. Even as they need consistency, they cope with unstable and fluid timetables, a byproduct of separation or divorce. Past posts have addressed the importance of consistent schedules for children of divorce. At the beginning of the school year, there Read more…
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Want children free of stress and oozing kindness?
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if every little kid who had divorcing parents or had experienced trauma of some sort showed up in your class stress free? Imagine a group where There is no fighting, arguing, or yelling. All the kids want to be involved. They want to form community. They care for one another. The group oozes kindness. Impossible, you say? I beg Read more…
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The big overwhelming variable that causes kids of divorce anxiety
Many things affect children when parents divorce. However, there is one big, overwhelming variable that causes kids of divorce angst and anxiety—and that is when parents continue to fight and war with each other. Parental conflict affects children for many years to come. When parents continue to fight, that does several things to the children in the family. Many times, kids are Read more…
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It’s our birthday today!
Today is our five-year anniversary. Wahoo! Just like a mother whose child is five years old, I wonder how it’s possible that our blog is five years old today. How can that be? I’m amazed, blessed, and just a little overwhelmed by the response to this blog. Kids & Divorce set out to educate children’s ministers and to help single parents. Along the Read more…
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Question of the week: Can you help me understand parental alienation?
“We have a couple divorcing in our church. It appears there is a lot of conflict, and lately I’ve heard the term ‘parental alienation’ being thrown around. I’m not sure I understand what this is all about.” The term “parental alienation” first appeared on my radar back in the late seventies. It is a very tough issue to deal with. I’ve had the Read more…
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Fracturing and fracking of families
Recently, a church leader expressed to me, “I know people used to think divorce was damaging to kids, but today, divorce is so accepted. Why is divorce an issue for kids? I mean, aren’t about half their friends divorced? So it’s not like they feel all alone any longer.” The leader is partially right—divorce is more widely accepted in our culture. It Read more…
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How to walk away from a power struggle with a child!
Have you ever been leading a group of children, and everything was going great when all of a sudden, you found yourself pulled into a power struggle? Or is there one particular child who constantly argues with you about every little thing? Many times, children of divorce seem to excel in power struggles. 3 reasons some kids want to be in power struggles Read more…
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Rite of passage and the child of divorce: How you can help
A few weeks ago, my step-grandchildren were visiting us. The eleven-year-old can’t wait until she turns twelve years old. Know why? So she can get a Facebook page. She also can’t wait until she is sixteen, so she can get her driver’s license. Her parents are smart in declaring rites of passage for certain things. Many kids in our world today are impatient Read more…
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Help bring predictability to the child of divorce
Children of divorce need predictability in their lives. This means it’s very important that children of divorce know they can depend on specific things happening at specific times. They often perceive their lives as out of control and in disarray. Here’s why predictability is important: Predictability lends itself to security. Unlike routines, rituals involve a special feeling of connecting with another human being. Read more…
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A child carries the treasures of his life hidden in his pocket
When children lose connections with important people in their lives, they may become attached to their “things.” Things and possessions bring a sense of comfort, control, and order to children’s lives. These things become substitutes for deep connections with parents and other loved ones. They replace many of the rituals they held important before life changed. I had the privilege of knowing one Read more…
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Question of the week: What is the emotional glue that helps single parents stay connected to the kids?
“I’ve heard you speak at children’s ministry conferences about rituals and the child of divorce. What I want to know is why rituals are so important for the child of divorce.” Almost all children are ritual-makers. They automatically create rituals when they say hello or goodbye and in many other situations. Rituals help children connect with the people in their lives, whether Read more…
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Question of the week: Is there ever a funny side to single parenting?
It may seem like most posts on this blog talk about the difficult sides of single parenting, but there are also funny and lighter sides to parenting alone. Today, I’d like to share a few of my lighter moments as a single parent. Mixed matched shoes When I was a single mom, the light bulb went out in my closet. My closet was Read more…
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Are You Flying Over Mission Fields to Get to the Mission Fields?
The mission field in the U.S. is screaming! There is such a huge need for Jesus in our communities. The mission fields your church might be flying over are the apartment complexes and the low-income housing down the street from your church. Don’t get me wrong. I highly support foreign missions. I think we should be going out into all the world Read more…
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After divorce: when to tell the kids that mom or dad is dating
Recently, I was asked if I had any research addressing how soon after separation kids should be exposed to the other parent’s new partner. This is a tough question, but if you are in children’s ministry, you might have to deal with it more often than you like. There are so many variables with this question. There are also a lot of articles Read more…
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Do children experience “stages” of divorce?
For years, people who work with children of divorce have wondered what the stages of grief are for these kids. One children’s minister asked me, “How can I help a child of divorce when I don’t know what the stages of grief are? Explain them to me, please.” Many have held onto the stages of grief developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Basically, those stages Read more…
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Children of divorce need YOU to help them manage their behaviors
Children of divorce face many struggles on a daily basis. Because of these adversities, some children of divorce have out-of-control behaviors. It’s not because they want to misbehave or like misbehaving; it is because they are doing the best they can in their state of confusion. Many children of divorce who misbehave are actually seeking external regulation or management. In other words, Read more…
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10 ways to pray for the child of divorce and their families
It is important to pray for the child of divorce. Children’s ministers can be a major player in a child’s life by being an intercessory prayer partner. Many times, though, we don’t know how or what to pray for when interceding for the child of divorce. Here are ten ways to pray for children in your ministry whose parents are divorcing: Pray for Read more…
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Where Did He Go?
The teacher looked on as four-year-old Elsa clung to her mom and screamed, Don’t weave me, Mommy. Please don’t weave me. The teacher was confused because little Elsa had always loved coming to her Sunday school class. Mom seemed at a loss as to how to comfort Elsa and get her into the class. The teacher gradually moved into the scene, and with Read more…
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Question of the week: What are the causes of kids being unruly during and after a divorce?
Many things are happening in children’s lives when their parents separate or divorce. Children don’t understand adult problems, and even though a lot of their friends have divorced parents, many children simply don’t know what the word “divorce” means. All they know is their parents were together, and now one parent is packing up to leave. In Divorced Kids by Laurene Johnson Read more…
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Why 35% of the children in your community aren’t connected with your ministry—and how you can reach them in 2018
Think of them as you would an “unreached people group”—except they live right in your own community, not in some faraway country. Today, according to the Annie E. Casey Kids Count Data Center, 35% of all children live in single-parent homes. Many of them are not involved in church and don’t know Jesus. Bottom line: their parents often don’t feel welcome in church Read more…
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10 things you must know when ministering to the child of divorce
One must be aware of many things when ministering to children in divorced homes. However, ten important things are a must. Here are what I have found to be the ten most important items to know. Children need: Caring adults who understand that children from single-parent homes may constantly fear for their safety Adults who will not leave the children at the foot Read more…