Archive for August, 2017
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What do I do if I suspect a child of divorce is being abused or neglected?
Last week, we discussed listening to children of divorce. Part of listening to them includes noticing if they are giving you clues about being abused or neglected. Children of divorce will try to protect their parent if the parent or the parent’s significant other is the abuser. This is especially true if the abuser is the parent the child doesn’t get to Read more…
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Question of the week: Do you know what to listen for when ministering to the child of divorce?
Children’s ministry people have said to me, “I don’t know anything about divorce, and I’m not sure I would pick up on clues a child might be giving me.” How does one know how to discern what is bothering the child when the parents are separating or divorced? Let me share with you a personal story that will help you understand how Read more…
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How you can help single parents understand why their kids are touch-deprived
One of the most precious scenes to witness on a Sunday morning is a new mom cuddling and holding her tiny, little infant. The love between the mom and her newborn baby radiates on her face. For some moms, it is almost painful to hand their newborn babies over to church nursery workers. The attachment between moms and newborn babies is already strong. Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help a mom whose child has been physically abused?
“We were all so excited when one of our single moms married a man in our church. Little did we know this guy had a history of abuse. One of her little kids was hurt pretty badly by this guy. The state got involved, and she and her children are safe now, but the one who was abused the most has started to Read more…
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How to help children stay connected to the long-distance parent
When a parent lives out of state and not close to children, it can be a real challenge to keep the relationship alive. However, there are several things you can do to help the long-distance parent stay connected. If the long-distance parent is in your church, offer the following suggestions. The main thing is to create a relationship with the child. It takes Read more…
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How to help the child of divorce when families blend
When children of divorce are being raised in a two-parent home, most people call these two-parent homes stepfamilies or blended families. Blending two completely different families takes time—and much effort on the part of the parents and children in the new family. And remember, there are two additional “other” parents outside the family trying to blend. Quite often, those of us in children’s ministry Read more…
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Feeling trapped in a blended family
When I was a little kid, we had these fascinating contraptions called Japanese finger traps. I believe they are also called Chinese finger puzzles or Chinese finger cuffs. This novelty toy is a lot of fun for kids. The finger trap is a cylinder-like device. When you put a finger in each end and try to pull your fingers out, the cylinder tightens Read more…
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10 Suggestions to help children acclimate after returning home from visitation
Recently, I received the following question from a church leader who works with single parents and children: “I have a single mom whose young children, ages three and five, have been visiting their dad for the last six weeks. They come back Saturday. Do you have any advice I can give her as they transition back into her home?” First of all, I Read more…
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The incredible, amazing brain in kids of divorce Part 7: The heart and head
We’ve discussed a lot about the incredible, amazing brain these past few weeks. Now, I’d like to pull it all together to help you think through how to use brain research to understand the children of divorce. To help you understand the hierarchical organization of the brain, I’m going to break it down into three main sections. Even though we can’t actually break Read more…