Archive for the ‘Family Ministers’ Category
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Building a Bridge of Support for Children of Divorce
“The truth is, kids of divorce can be resilient when they have a strong support system undergirding them while the family they knew radically changes. What better place for children of divorce to find strong support than in God’s house, among friends and adults who’ll love and care for them? Still, many children’s ministers are unsure of what it takes to minister Read more…
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How will you handle Father’s Day and the child of divorce?
“Can you believe he didn’t even come to his own granddaughter’s graduation?” With fire in her eyes my friend continued with, “He didn’t even bother to call or send a card. What’s wrong with a man like that?” This isn’t the first conversation we have had about her dad. As a grown woman what she really wants to know is, Why didn’t my Read more…
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Is there a difference between a broken home and a single parent family?
Many times when people say, “broken home” one thinks of a single-parent home where the kids are out of control or possibly the parent is out of control. You might question if there is a big difference between broken homes and single-parent homes. I mean, after all, don’t both kinds of homes have only one parent? So, is there really a difference between Read more…
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Single moms are moms too! Honor them on Mother’s Day.
Single moms deserve the honor of being acknowledged on Mother’s Day. But how many single moms will be in your church on Mother’s Day? Have you ever noticed that some single moms might not attend on Mother’s Day? Know why? Because it can be a hurtful day without their children. You know, the kids who are with the other parent every other Read more…
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Regarding Father’s Day: Single dads are dads too!
This month I’d like to bring emphasis to the single dads in our world today. Let’s start by thinking about single dads and Father’s Day. Father’s Day is set aside to celebrate the father’s in our world. Some children of divorce may not have a close relationship with their father. Perhaps the Lord has provided another person to play that father role. Read more…
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Do you recognize the behaviors of a traumatized child?
Are you are aware of the many crises children today experience? A trauma-informed church understands how a crisis affects a child. Experiencing a life crisis can lead to some children exhibiting particular characteristics of being “traumatized?” Definitions of crisis and trauma A crisis is an event – a disaster, the emergency, the calamity, or predicament. Trauma is the result of experiencing a crisis Read more…
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Have you ever played the Baggage Game?
Have you ever thought about the baggage a child of divorce carries around with them? I’m not talking about the backpacks or suitcases. I’m talking about the heavy stuff, the emotional stuff the things that weigh down their minds and make their hearts heavy. When I’m out doing workshops for children’s ministers and church leaders I like to have the participants play Read more…
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Why are behavior problems compounded when there is a divorce?
I get asked this questions all the time: “Why do behavior problems escalate when there is a divorce.” Having divorcing parens creates a lot of confusion in many children, not all children but in many children. To a little kid there are crazy things start happening when parents separate or divorce. The child doesn’t understand adult problems and even though a lot of Read more…
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Are hungry hearts listening?
Hungry hearts have no ears. This was a phrase that Ms. Kennedy, an elementary teacher, used to tell the parents of children in her class about the importance of proper nutrition and having enough to eat. After reading a research project that was conducted at the Anthony Elementary School in Leavenworth, Kansas, this above phrase makes more sense to me. The study at Anthony Read more…
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Helping single parents and their kids survive Valentine’s Day
Most of us who work with or minister to children smile when we think about Valentine’s Day. Perhaps you remember the excitement of taking your Valentine cards to school to swap with the other kids. Or maybe you are experiencing your own kids and their excitement at getting all those cards on Valentine’s Day. While Valentine’s Day can be exciting for many people, Read more…
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Understanding visitation arrangements
I attend a lot of children and family ministry conferences. I’m also part of several KidMin Facebook pages so I get a lot of questions about children of divorce. Here are three questions children’s pastors asked about visitation issues. I understand the ‘every other weekend’ visitation schedule. I understand a child visiting the other parent on holidays and during the summer. But we Read more…
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Why children like “life in the shadows”
Too Small To Ignore, by Dr. Wess Stafford (Waterbrook Press) pg. 63 How will you create a close-knit group for a child of divorce? Will these kids feel accepted and part of the group family? Many children of divorce feel abandoned by one of their parents and sometime by both parents. Children of divorce need the church. They need to know God will never Read more…
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Emotional concussions can be just as lethal, and sometimes even more so, than a physical concussion
Have you ever considered the term emotional concussion? Have you ever thought about what might be involved in an emotional concussion? Emotional concussions occur when young children Live in homes controlled by alcohol, drugs, explosive tempers Live in homes full of stress Live with dysfunctional adults Have exposure to people who are physically, emotionally, and/or sexually abusive Experience the divorce of their parents From Read more…
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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies
Children of divorce have a lot of questions to ask but many times they don’t know whom to ask. If or when they do get up the courage to ask their questions, many are told lies. Or maybe they aren’t really lies but “half-truths.” Children need the truth– not lies or made up stories. I have always advocated that children be told the Read more…
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“Whether” getting you down?
I imagine when you read the title you thought I misspelled “whether.” You probably thought I was going to talk about the weather. The weather can be depressing. On my Facebook feed yesterday, several children’s ministers were announcing their church would be closed due to the horrific snow storm in some of the Northern states. A snow storm on Sunday and keeping Read more…
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No R.E.S.P.E.C.T. for anyone or anything. What do you do?
“I am fed up with some of these kids. They have no respect for me or for anything!” I have often heard people that work with misbehaving kids talk about the lack of respect some of these kids have. They say it like they are ready to throw in the towel and walk away. My suggestion is to take the word “respect” Read more…
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Little people need a big people advocate in the new year
As we are approaching a new year I want to challenge all of you to represent the little people at the big people’s table. What do I mean by that? I mean that many “little people” of divorce are going to be terribly stressed out as we approach the new year. They are going to need a big people advocate. Holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas are not Read more…
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Part Two: Reasons we do what we do at Christmas and all year long
She pushed another child and screamed at the child in front of her as the Christmas play began. She didn’t want to be on stage. She didn’t want any part of the play. She shouted, “It’s just a stupid old play anyway. Who cares?” as she stormed off the stage. Her mom sat there terrified not knowing what to do. Her dad sat Read more…
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Part One: Reasons we do what we do at Christmas and all year long
The little fellow stood off to the side of the room. Everyone was jumping up and down waiting for their special Christmas treat. As each child received their present one could hear laughter and squeals of delight. All this little boy wanted was for his mom to come home for Christmas. If she could just change her mind and come home even if Read more…
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Are you making life difficult for the child of divorce?
Do you make life difficult for the child of divorce? You might be surprised to learn you are doing that. Let me put this another way, do you dress the child of divorce in meaningless “garb”? Many times as adults we make life difficult for children. This is especially true for children of divorce. We try to comfort the child with adult-isms. You Read more…
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Do kids ever recover from the divorce of their parents?
Recover might not be an appropriate term to use. When you think of the term recover or look it up, the definition is “to return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.” When you think of kids recovering from the divorce of their parents, you need to understand their lives will never return to their previous state. Things will always be Read more…
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Should you make kids apologize?
I don’t believe in making kids apologize. You may be wondering if you read that correctly. Yes, I said, “I don’t believe in making kids apologize.” Stay with me on this because there are reasons I feel this way. And it is especially true for the child of divorce. Don’t get me wrong—it’s wise to teach children to apologize when they offend Read more…
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How will you honor a single mom on Mother’s Day?
Mother’s Day is coming up. Have you thought much about how you might honor the single mothers in your congregation? For me personally, Mother’s Day was one of the hardest days of celebration when my kids weren’t with me. I know other single moms who feel the same way. Many single moms purposefully don’t attend church on Mother’s Day when they don’t Read more…