Archive for the ‘School Issues’ Category
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Creative tips to use when living with or ministering to a traumatized child
In another blog, “Do you recognize the behaviors of a traumatized child?” I presented how children might act when exposed to various crises. Today let’s look at what we can do when ministering to, living with, or working with a child that has been traumatized. What to do When dealing with unruly children change from thinking or asking, “What’s wrong with you?” to Read more…
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Why kids of divorce don’t feel safe and what you can do about it
Here is where many of us go wrong, we expect the child of divorce, who is caught up in an emotional train wreck, to function like any other kid. Doing school work, memorizing Scripture, answering questions about stories, and behaving appropriately may be almost impossible for children of divorce. Why? Their bodies are poised to respond to outside stimuli and interactions with fear. Read more…
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Are hungry hearts listening?
Hungry hearts have no ears. This was a phrase that Ms. Kennedy, an elementary teacher, used to tell the parents of children in her class about the importance of proper nutrition and having enough to eat. After reading a research project that was conducted at the Anthony Elementary School in Leavenworth, Kansas, this above phrase makes more sense to me. The study at Anthony Read more…
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Question of the week: Do you have any advice for parents to help children who rotate between two homes?
I was recently asked this question on Facebook. I know nothing about the individual situation that prompted this question so I can only answer in generalities. Here are a few ideas that will help all children. Share them with the single parents you know and minister to: Keep a calendar in a prominent place so the child can see it. Remind the Read more…
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Got grouchy kids this week?
What are the two most difficult days out of the entire year for the child of divorce? Want to try and guess what they are? Christmas? Thanksgiving? Valentines Day? Halloween? Birthday? Did you pick any of the above? These are all good guesses and for many children some of these days are difficult. But the two days that cause havoc with the Read more…
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Fidgety kids, ADHD kids, and kids who can’t sit still, oh my!
It appears our society has a real big problem with fidgety kids and kids who can’t sit still. More children are being diagnosed ADHD, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Children being diagnosed with ADHD went from 7.8% in 2007 to 11% in 2011. Many more teachers, childcare workers, church volunteers, and even parents wonder if the children in their situations are ADHD. Because of the Read more…
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How you can help the child of divorce succeed at school this year
Some children of divorce are excited to go back to school. Others are not. Here’s why. You’ll see both extremes among the kids in your ministry. No matter how you feel, there are things you can do to help them get off to a great start– and have a successful year. Begin the process by talking to the child’s parent. Ask if you can offer some Read more…
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Why children of divorce feel helpless – and how “choices” can help
One of the tragedies of divorce for children is the feeling of helplessness. Many adults who experienced their parents’ divorce report that, as children, they felt powerless and vulnerable. For the children it seems as though everything is out of control. Changing routines People moving out Things and belongings disappearing People disappearing such as neighbors if there is a move And this is Read more…
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Bottom line – kids need boundaries and hope to succeed in life
Single parents need to clearly, positively and assertively communicate boundaries to children. But in order to do this single parents must be able to have boundaries in place for themselves. Why are boundaries and guidelines so important to children? To help you understand the why of boundaries, let’s take a little trip. Let’s say that we have to go to an appointment. Read more…
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Champions, cheerleaders, and mentors – oh my! How they can change a child’s life
Recently, I read the book Cheering for the Children by Casey Gwinn. This is an amazing book, and while not written for church leaders or children’s ministers, it is a worthwhile read to anyone ministering to children, especially those who have experienced early trauma, including the divorce of their parents. Gwinn is a man who understands that children hurt by those they love Read more…
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8 fun and easy tips to help children release stress and get rid of anger
Many children of divorce will experience tremendous stress. These children may express their stress through angry behavior. When a child is stressed and living in the survival mode or the fight or flight part of the brain they are incapable of learning, processing information or functioning in a reasonable manner. It becomes all about surviving in the moment. When you can get Read more…
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Question of the week: How do you prepare your child for the disruption of their schedule?
Anyone who ministers to children of divorce will come across this issue at some point. Most of these kids struggle with chaotic schedules. Even as they need consistency, they cope with unstable and fluid timetables, a byproduct of separation or divorce. Past posts have addressed the importance of consistent schedules for children of divorce. At the beginning of the school year, there Read more…
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Question of the week: How many kids in my area are caught in a family crisis?
How many live in single-parent homes in your area? Have you seriously thought about the hundreds and maybe thousands of children in your area and their home situations? A lot of times, ministers and church leaders misunderstand the number of children in family crisis and single-parent homes in their communities. It is important to understand statistics because these numbers help you see how Read more…
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Gratitude changes attitudes in kids
Many children in our world today have bad attitudes. These attitudes affect how parents, teachers, and church leaders treat them. Kids of divorce are no exception. As a result of all they’ve been through, many become bitter and sad. Those dealing with these kids interpret their bitterness and sorrow as attitude problems. If children of divorce don’t learn how to find joy, Read more…
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Question of the week: Why are some kids of divorce excited about school while others aren’t?
It seems we have several kids of divorce who just aren’t excited about school. Other kids of divorce seem over-the-top excited. What’s the deal with these kids? It seems like I’m on a merry-go-round, and I’m not sure when to get off and which kids need my help the most. Kids who don’t want to go to school Many children of divorce are Read more…
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“Breakthrough” strategy for single parent and blended family success
What if I shared with you that you have the power to change interactions between parents and children in single-parent and blended-family homes? What if this I told you it is a suggestion that single parents and blended parents can incorporate very easily into their schedule? What is this miracle I’m talking about that will change children’s lives and help single dads and Read more…
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The incredible, amazing brain, Part 4: Essential “drugs” to use when ministering to the child of divorce and trauma
I realize many of you want no part of using drugs with kids whose parents have divorced or children who have experienced some sort of trauma. However, the drugs or chemicals I’m introducing here today will help you and make your ministry more effective when you use them. They are all natural, legal, and free. These four drugs have the ability to Affect Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I answer questions from a parent who is in the middle of divorce conflict?
It’s Sunday morning crunch time, and you get an almost unanswerable question from a divorcing parent. More than likely, his kids are out of control due to the divorce, and he desperately needs help. How do you respond to such questions? One children’s minister asked for help in just such a scenario: “Give me a few short phrases that I can remember and Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help parents tell a 6, 7, or 8 year old children they are divorcing?
If you are a children’s minister, parents in your church have probably asked you this question. Or you may have been stunned when children tell a class or group that their parents are getting a divorce. Although none of us want children to face their parents’ divorce, it is a reality happening in our world today. It is best if you know Read more…
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Making divorce easier for kids to understand– a sweet story
I love getting uplifting emails and Facebook messages from people who minister to children. The following message is just too sweet to keep to myself. I pray that it blesses you as much as it did me. This message comes from Randy Smith, a businessman in his community and a lay leader who coordinates and oversees DivorceCare, Single & Parenting, and DivorceCare Read more…
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Draw your family + a child of divorce = paper ripped to shreds
A kindergarten child was asked to draw a picture of his family. The child started the picture and then ripped it to shreds. The picture above is what was left of the child’s original drawing. An assistant in the room thought the child was being disrespectful and out of control. She was ready to punish the child. When ministering to the children of divorce Read more…
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The power of words: how they can help or hurt the child of divorce
Words can be powerful when they are used in the right context. Usage of kind words can motivate children. Unkind and cruel words can hurt children. I’ve seen well-intended words devastate the child of divorce. Let me explain how they might hear things that are said in front of them or things you might say to them. Think of the child of divorce who Read more…
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Two big mistakes we make with stressed-out children of divorce!
Many children living in divorcing single parent homes experience tremendous stress leading to some out of control behaviors. When they come to your church, your volunteers question what on earth could be causing these kids to act like this? They may wonder if there is any discipline in the home at all. It is not that their parent is a bad parent or Read more…
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Does divorce create behavior problems in children?
The answer to this question might depend on the person you ask. If you ask a parent who is barely surviving, that answer is going to be “no” simply because they can’t see the behavior problems standing in front of them. These parents are in a fog because it is just the best they can do at the moment. When the third Read more…
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How do I help a single dad whose kids live with their emotionally unhealthy mother?
This article stems from an email I got several months ago. Here is that email. I have been divorced for three years. My ex-wife no longer practices the morals and/or values in which I believe. In short, my ex-wife is an expert at covert manipulation (toward the kids) and causing problems. She’s like a pyromaniac setting a house on fire then going to Read more…
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School year helpful tip #5: School anxiety & the older child of divorce
While younger children may revert back to separation anxiety that equates to a toddler separating from their parent, older children of divorce may have issues also. The older child of divorce worries and wonders about many issues concerning the divorce. The thoughts whirling around in their heads and the stress they are under can interfere with the start of school and throughout the Read more…
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Helpful Tip #5 for starting the school year: When school causes separation anxiety for the younger child of divorce
Recently a friend of mine had a child start kindergarten. This past summer this family moved from one state to another. While everything seemed to be going great the first day of school brought tears, screams and an all out tantrum of “don’t leave me.” This mom was caught off guard and did not know what to do to help her child. Children Read more…
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Helpful tip #4 for starting the school year: Encouraging words
Many children in single parent homes are going to need encouraging words to get off to a good start this school year. This is especially true if the parents separated this past summer. Their minds could be swimming with questions. The last thing they want to do is try and concentrate. Or perhaps they spent the summer with the other parent, grandparents and Read more…
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Helpful tip #3 for starting the school year: The importance of schedules.
All children need schedules and familiar routines but children of divorce especially need someone to advocate the importance of schedules and routines for them. Some children of divorce have several different schedules to follow. Imagine trying to remember what schedule you have to follow and thinking, “Am I at dad’s or mom’s?” Or “Do we take a shower before bed or when Read more…
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You won’t believe what a child of divorce’s daily schedule is like when school starts
Have you ever wondered why some kids who attend your children’s program on a weeknight seem tired, grouchy, or maybe a little out of control after school starts in the fall? It might be the schedule they had to keep that day. When school starts, these kids are expected to survive an unbelievable daily schedule. When elementary-age children from a divorced home have Read more…
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Helpful tip for starting a new school year: Kids of divorce and clutter
Many children of divorce live hectic and frenzied lives. This is partly due to the fact that they live in two separate homes have two different sets of rules experience different schedules have different rituals have different people in the home The stress factor is another reason their minds are filled with chaos. Too much stress can confuse us as adults so imagine Read more…
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“Pastor, what do I do when my child …?” (Solutions to ten challenging single-parent discipline situations)
When one is parenting alone, there is no one to help late at night or on a day-to-day basis when discipline situations arise. It can get overwhelming, to say the least. As church leaders, you can be of great assistance to single parents when you understand the many issues involved in parenting alone. Following are some typical questions single parents have Read more…
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Effects of Divorce on the 6, 7 and 8 year-old Child
Children in the early grades of elementary school are struggling to fit into two worlds – home and school. Her intellect is expanding rapidly and she is learning how the world operates. He is developing a sense of humor but is terrified at being laughed at by his peers. Divorce unsettles this newfound independence with this life at school and outside the family. Read more…
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How Divorce Affects Children
To a child, the divorce of their parents can be likened to a tsunami that strikes their lives and leaves destruction and havoc in its wake. Nothing is ever the same again. The divorce will affect the child for many years to come. Divorce impacts future generations within the family • In some families divorce is cyclical. • Children lose access to grandparents Read more…
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A middle school teacher asks a tough question about tweens and divorce
A middle school teacher asked me a question that proved to be fairly thought provoking. I wanted to share his question and my thoughts toward his question. His question As a middle school teacher, I always wonder why some students deal very well with divorce, while others don’t? I would never make the assumption that they don’t do well, because many do. On Read more…
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How infidelity between a parent and a family friend devastates the children
In the post How the Ashley Madison scandal will affect children I shared how that scandal might affect children. But is the impact the same, as when a parent has an extramarital affair with someone the child knows? Is it worse when it is someone the child is close to? Think about it for a moment. It is hard enough when a child Read more…
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Back-to-school tips for the divorcing parent
When a couple divorces, many times they attempt to keep the breakup quiet. Perhaps they are embarrassed– or feel it a private matter. More than likely though, one or both spouse are so overwhelmed with a range of decisions and emotions they are coping with that they don’t think about telling other people. Often, schoolteachers are among the last to know. In a recent study 94% of teachers surveyed Read more…
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Have you encountered kids who actually wanted their parents to get a divorce?
Recently I posted an article about how blunt kids can be when talking about their parent’s divorce. After that post was published I had someone ask me if I had encountered kids who actually wanted their parents to get a divorce. This person asked if it was possible for little children to truly understood what divorce meant. Do they really want their parents Read more…
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How a 15 year survives his great aunt!
In the previous post I shared the boundaries and conditions of my 15 year-old great nephew living in my home. In this post I’d like to share with you the outcome of him becoming part of my family. If you are church leaders or you work with children who might be living with grandparents or other relatives, please share this post with them. Read more…
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Yikes! The day a 15 year old came to live with me
It was my great nephew and he was in a lot of trouble. I think he thought I’d be a push over. I mean in his eyes I was his great aunt, gray and old! Boy did life ever change for that boy! I may have been his great aunt, gray and old but the lights hadn’t gone out yet. Plus I had Read more…
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Do elementary age children “cut” or self-harm? Part II
In my previous post, I alerted you to the increase of self-harm and cutting among elementary age children. This post explores why children self-harm and recognizing the signs of self-injury. Cutting and other forms of self-harm helps kids deal with frightening feelings they don’t understand and have no way of expressing in words. In other words developmentally they don’t have the language to express Read more…
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Question of the week: Do elementary age children “cut” or self-harm?
This might seem like a strange question to many of us especially for people who work with and minister to children. Is it really possible that young children want to self-insure or hurt their own bodies? Most of us have heard about teenagers that cut and self-harm but how many of you have dealt with an elementary age child who is cutting? I Read more…