Archive for the ‘Modern families’ Category
-
Single Parents: How do I help my kid transition into their summer visitation schedule?
“The children in our area will be getting out of school in the next couple of weeks. I already know several kids of divorce that will be taking off the day after school is out. How do I send these kids off for the summer and let them know how much we will miss them?” (A children’s pastor) Many children of divorce have Read more…
-
How grandparents can help children of divorce honor their moms on Mother’s Day
With Mother’s Day on the horizon, many churches are planning how to celebrate the mothers in their congregation. In children’s classes around the globe, little kids will be making things to take to their mothers on this special day. There is one group of kids, though, who are conflicted about how to proceed with celebrating their mothers, and that is children of Read more…
-
Reasons Why Children Get Angry During the Holidays
Some single parents face the holidays with excitement and a resolve to make this holiday season the best ever for their children. However, if this is the first year a single parent in your church has faced the holidays, he or she may be approaching the holidays with trepidation. These single parents might not be sure how their children are going to react Read more…
-
The Wind Chime That Changed Christmas
For this single-parent family, it was the first Christmas without the other parent. How could a wind chime make a difference? How did a wind chime help this single parent make new traditions during the holidays? It’s important for single parents to approach the birth of our Savior during the Christmas holidays. It doesn’t have to be all about presents, stressing over where Read more…
-
Murdered Single Mom
Six years ago, at about 6 p.m. on Christmas Eve, a seventeen-year-old young man murdered his single mom in the Florida community where I live. They had been having an altercation, and at some point, the young man grabbed a baseball bat, beat his mom, and stabbed her numerous times with kitchen knives. From all accounts, the young man appeared to be a Read more…
-
3 reasons grandparents who parent grandchildren are emotionally exhausted—and how you can help
Grandparents who parent their grandchildren come in all ages, shapes, sizes, and colors. Some are healthy. Others aren’t. Some are financially stable. Others live on a fixed income. Many are married. And many are single. And some are in second and third marriages. But no matter the age, health condition, marital status, or finances, raising grandchildren is emotionally tough. Let’s look at three Read more…
-
Understanding visitation arrangements
I attend a lot of children and family ministry conferences. I’m also part of several KidMin Facebook pages so I get a lot of questions about children of divorce. Here are three questions children’s pastors asked about visitation issues. I understand the ‘every other weekend’ visitation schedule. I understand a child visiting the other parent on holidays and during the summer. But we Read more…
-
Little people need a big people advocate in the new year
As we are approaching a new year I want to challenge all of you to represent the little people at the big people’s table. What do I mean by that? I mean that many “little people” of divorce are going to be terribly stressed out as we approach the new year. They are going to need a big people advocate. Holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas are not Read more…
-
Be an encourager for the little people this holiday season
When I was growing up, we went to my grandmother’s for holiday events. I remember when our entire family, including all the cousins, came together at Christmas, there were always two eating areas. One was in the kitchen at the kitchen table, and that’s where all the kids or, as my grandfather would say, “the little people” would eat. At the nice dining-room Read more…
-
Ten tips to create an every-other-weekend home for the child of divorce
Many times, we concentrate on the single-parent home where a child resides. But there are thousands of part-time single parents. These are the situations when the kids come to visit on the weekend. Part-time single parents need help and suggestions to create an emotionally and spiritually healthy environment for the kids. This information in this blog is to help single parents whose kids Read more…
-
“Wook at ME mommy”
“Wook at me. I doing it” is really cute when a little toddler has learned to accomplish a feat, such as slipping on a jacket. We might smile and say something like, “Well, look at you! You put your jacket on. You did it.” Kids of all ages want to be noticed. Even as adults, most of us like to be noticed Read more…
-
It’s our birthday today!
Today is our five-year anniversary. Wahoo! Just like a mother whose child is five years old, I wonder how it’s possible that our blog is five years old today. How can that be? I’m amazed, blessed, and just a little overwhelmed by the response to this blog. Kids & Divorce set out to educate children’s ministers and to help single parents. Along the Read more…
-
Fracturing and fracking of families
Recently, a church leader expressed to me, “I know people used to think divorce was damaging to kids, but today, divorce is so accepted. Why is divorce an issue for kids? I mean, aren’t about half their friends divorced? So it’s not like they feel all alone any longer.” The leader is partially right—divorce is more widely accepted in our culture. It Read more…
-
How to walk away from a power struggle with a child!
Have you ever been leading a group of children, and everything was going great when all of a sudden, you found yourself pulled into a power struggle? Or is there one particular child who constantly argues with you about every little thing? Many times, children of divorce seem to excel in power struggles. 3 reasons some kids want to be in power struggles Read more…
-
Question of the week: What are the causes of kids being unruly during and after a divorce?
Many things are happening in children’s lives when their parents separate or divorce. Children don’t understand adult problems, and even though a lot of their friends have divorced parents, many children simply don’t know what the word “divorce” means. All they know is their parents were together, and now one parent is packing up to leave. In Divorced Kids by Laurene Johnson Read more…
-
Why 35% of the children in your community aren’t connected with your ministry—and how you can reach them in 2018
Think of them as you would an “unreached people group”—except they live right in your own community, not in some faraway country. Today, according to the Annie E. Casey Kids Count Data Center, 35% of all children live in single-parent homes. Many of them are not involved in church and don’t know Jesus. Bottom line: their parents often don’t feel welcome in church Read more…
-
Reasons why ministering to hurting children is the richest job on the planet
For those of us who work with hurting children, another year has come and passed, and hopefully, we have made a difference. Those of us who have the honor of ministering to hurting children have richest job on the planet. We get the pleasure of ministering to innocent children who have an innate desire to love the Lord. “I love Jesus with Read more…
-
“We’re Not Getting a Divorce!”
Have you ever heard an excited, little kid yell, “We’re not getting a divorce! We’re not getting a divorce!” That isn’t something most of us get to hear. More than likely, what you have heard is a sad child mumble, “Mom and Dad are getting a divorce.” I have ministered to couples on the brink of divorce. I want you to know Read more…
-
Question of the week: Can you help me understand life in the single-parent home?
One family minister sent me an email with the following: I’ve been ministering to some single parents in our church. It seems like they continue to just spin out of control all the time. We get one situation cleaned up, and something else pops up on the radar. He went on to give a list of situations these single parents had experienced: Read more…
-
DivorceCare for Kids: how it meets a HUGE need at local churches
DivorceCare for Kids (DC4K) is a comprehensive, church-based program that equips local churches to help children of divorce. It’s designed to work in parallel with the adult DivorceCare program (although DC4K can also run as a stand-alone program). DC4K created this blog to help church leaders and volunteers understand the issues faced by kids caught in the crossfire of a family breakup. I Read more…
-
What should you say when a child asks, “Does my mommy love me?”
If you are a pastor, kid’s minister, or teacher or you minister to children in any other way, someday you might be asked, “Do you think my mommy loves me?” I used to answer this question with a resounding, “Of course, your mommy loves you!” I mean, what kind of mother wouldn’t love her children? As the years have passed, though, and I’ve Read more…
-
Question of the week: Can children of divorce multitask effectively?
Multitasking is the source of many behavior problems that you see in children of divorce. What do I mean by that? Well, hold on as I explain. Recently, while reviewing research on the brain, I read that multitasking is a myth—your brain can only focus on one thing at a time. As I thought about this idea, a lightbulb went off in my Read more…
-
Question of the week: Does your children’s ministry mirror your community? WARNING – you may not like these numbers!
Recently I got a note from a friend of mine who wanted to share some numbers with me. This friend lives is in a typical middle-class neighborhood and teaches at the local public school. I don’t want to cause any problems for her with her job, so I’m not going to post exactly where she lives or the school district where she teachers. Read more…
-
Question of the week: How can I help my nursery worker who is experiencing a divorce?
Recently, I got the following question from a children’s pastor. “I have a nursery worker who I found out is experiencing a divorce. I don’t know how to help her. She is one of my best nursery workers, and she has been in our nursery for years. I’m worried her personal situation is going to affect how she interacts with our infants Read more…
-
5 Ways to assist a child with a broken and hurting heart
The January/February 2017 cover of Children’s Ministry Magazine says, “How changed hearts, change hearts.” I love this phrase. It is what I’ve touted for years, except I have left off the word “how” and simply said, “Changed hearts, change hearts.” In the article “How to transform the heart of your ministry from perfect programs to rooted relationships,” author Dan Lovaglia talks Read more…
-
God showed up and ministered to me through a little kid!
I have ministered to thousands of children in my lifetime and learned that all kids influence those in ministry in some way. Sometimes, it’s a kid who you wonder if you can ever reach. Or it’s a child whose behavior can be called challenging, at best. Many times, I’ve walked out of church wondering why on earth I’m still in ministry to Read more…
-
A single parent TV reality show at your church?
What if a divorced single parent family suddenly showed up at your church and un be known to you, they were involved in a T.V. reality show? When you found out, how would you handle things any differently than when you didn’t know? Stop and think about that for a few minutes. What attitude would you betray when you didn’t know? Most Read more…
-
Keeping siblings of divorce together at church events, Part I
God’s design for children is for them to depend and rely upon their parent. For instance when they wake in the middle of the night and they are scared they run to their parents. Their parents are the trustworthy adults who lead their family. When a divorce happens children can no longer turn to the parents as a unit. When it’s time Read more…
-
You won’t believe what a child of divorce’s daily schedule is like when school starts
Have you ever wondered why some kids who attend your children’s program on a weeknight seem tired, grouchy, or maybe a little out of control after school starts in the fall? It might be the schedule they had to keep that day. When school starts, these kids are expected to survive an unbelievable daily schedule. When elementary-age children from a divorced home have Read more…
-
“We don’t have any kids in our church from divorced families. Why would we need DivorceCare for Kids?”
You might be surprised to find children of divorce in your church. It might mean one has to look differently for children of divorce and in places you might not have considered. For example, ever thought about children in two-parent families being from a divorce? If you have any blended or step family situations then more than likely you have children of Read more…
-
How you can help grandparents face financial issues when parenting grandchildren
In a previous article we talked about how to help grandparents prepare their home for grandkids who come to stay. This post will discuss the financial issues these grandparent face when the grandkids come to live with them and how you, the church, can help these families. There are many reasons grandkids come to live with grandparents. Some of these situations include Read more…
-
How to reach out to the single parents in your church – even when you don’t have the time
You are already REALLY busy with your children’s ministry responsibilities (not to mention your life outside church). How you could possibly contribute to lives of the single parents in your church when you may be feeling overwhelmed yourself? It’s not as hard as you think. You don’t have to do it alone. Pray about what God wants from you. Maybe He wants Read more…
-
Understanding and encouraging the alienated parent
In the article Parental alienation—is it real? we defined what parental alienation is and how to help the children affected by it. Another part of effectively ministering to the child is ministering to the parent. Parental alienation is a family issue, and everyone in the family is affected in one way or another. In order to help you better understand the parent’s issue, Read more…
-
Single-parent land mine—helping single parents navigate the dating scene
As a children’s minister or church leader, you may be wondering why you would need to understand the single-parent land mine of dating. I mean, is this topic one that is greatly going to affect your ministry? The answer is a loud YES! And you want to know why it can affect your ministry? Because normally when a single parent starts Read more…
-
How to help grandparents prepare their home for grandkids who come to stay
Most of us think of grandparents as the special people who spoil the grandkids, fill them full of candy, and then send them home for mommy and daddy to deal with when they are all hyped up on sugar. In our day and age, however, many grandparents don’t have the luxury of being those special people who fill the kids up on Read more…
-
What is shared parenting, and how does it affect the children in your ministry?
Riley has just started attending your church. She seems to be a happy kid. She talks freely about her mom and dad and even mentions them in the same sentence at times, as in, “My mom and dad both like that new restaurant.” So you are surprised when one day Riley says something about her dad’s house. You go to your files and Read more…
-
How poor phone etiquette (or “phubbing”) affects the child of divorce
There she sat at a fast-food restaurant, single mom alone with her daughter. The place was mostly empty. A worker was mopping the floor, and the little girl was fascinated with his chore. Her mom was glued to her cell phone. The little girl’s dinner sat at the table, untouched except for a few french fries she’d poke in her mouth as she Read more…
-
Children of Divorce Deserve Better Treatment in Our Churches
How does a church, which focuses on traditional family ministry, minister to the child of divorce? This seems to be the question many churches are wrestling with as they try to define exactly what family ministry looks like. Divorcing families have indeed changed the landscape of what families look like within the church. Several years ago Amy Ziettlow and Elizabeth Marquardt, with the Read more…
-
Helping kids process public tragedy and terror
Many children will hear about the recent attacks or other frightening events such as widespread fires, weather-related events, or horrific events experienced in other places. Parents will be struggling about what to say and how much to say. Having owned a child care facility in Oklahoma during the time of the Oklahoma City bombing, I would like to share some tips we Read more…
-
How to care for children of modern or unusual family systems
Training church leaders and volunteers is becoming critical if we want to address some of the more unusual situations and needs of children and families in our communities. It’s also important to educate ourselves on the many societal issues surrounding the children in our midst. The post “Mommy says Daddy has a girlfriend” discussed how to react and what to say and not Read more…
-
Confused about gender confusion and other modern family issues?
Faith-based resources to help church leaders minister effectively. Gender confusion, gender nonconformity, gender discordance, donor kids, gay and lesbian issues—these are real-life struggles that children are observing in their own families, even with their own parents. The better you understand the many issues surrounding these families, the better you’re equipped to help. As Christian leaders we must stay in tune with what Read more…
-
“Mommy says Daddy has a girlfriend”
How to respond when a child discloses a shocker. Families are rapidly changing in our world today. Fewer than half the children under eighteen years of age live in a home with the two married birth parents. Many of these two-parent birth families as well as other kinds of families experience dysfunction with moral and worldly issues. The children in these situations Read more…
-
What adult children of divorce want church leaders to know
After interviewing adult children of divorce I’ve learned they really want support and understanding in their church today. Even though many may have dropped out of church as a child, they know they want a relationship with Christ. Many of them want to serve in the church or in the least attend on a regular basis. Here are just a few of the Read more…
-
Adult children of divorce: Time alone won’t heal childhood wounds
Divorce has life long consequences. If a person was young when their parents divorced they have had to face processing several childhood milestones with only one parent. If they were older, such as a teenager, their parent’s divorce may have them questioning their entire value system. Some research shows the younger a person is when the divorce happens, the more times they process Read more…