Archive for the ‘Visitation’ Category
-
Take precautions – infectious virus
Coronavirus and pandemic are words being cast around the world right now. People are scared. You can hear it in the almost panic voices of the news media as they expound on the coronavirus crisis. Being in children’s ministry, I naturally think about the children in our communities. To be specific, I think about the children in single-parent families. Kids of divorce are Read more…
-
Why are behavior problems compounded when there is a divorce?
I get asked this questions all the time: “Why do behavior problems escalate when there is a divorce.” Having divorcing parens creates a lot of confusion in many children, not all children but in many children. To a little kid there are crazy things start happening when parents separate or divorce. The child doesn’t understand adult problems and even though a lot of Read more…
-
Question of the week: Do you have any advice for parents to help children who rotate between two homes?
I was recently asked this question on Facebook. I know nothing about the individual situation that prompted this question so I can only answer in generalities. Here are a few ideas that will help all children. Share them with the single parents you know and minister to: Keep a calendar in a prominent place so the child can see it. Remind the Read more…
-
Understanding visitation arrangements
I attend a lot of children and family ministry conferences. I’m also part of several KidMin Facebook pages so I get a lot of questions about children of divorce. Here are three questions children’s pastors asked about visitation issues. I understand the ‘every other weekend’ visitation schedule. I understand a child visiting the other parent on holidays and during the summer. But we Read more…
-
Here is 1 simple tip to help kids of divorce cope over the holidays
In your ministry, it’s likely that you have observed single parents and kids who develop a lot of anxiety about the process of shuttling the children between homes. This stress will be amplified during the holiday season. The switching hour, the time the kids switch between homes, can become less stressful if single parents work at making it normal. I’d like to give you Read more…
-
Kids of divorce need predictability. How do you give them that?
Today, we continue our exploration about the importance of “rituals” for the child of divorce. This post will focus on the need for predictability in the lives of children of divorce. It’s very important that the child of divorce knows they can depend on specific things happening at specific times. They often have the perception that their lives are out of control and in disarray. Read more…
-
Question of the week: How do I greet the child of divorce after a long absence?
From a children’s minister friend: “I have several children who have been gone most of the summer. I suspect they went to the other parent’s home or to visit extended family out of town. These are kids we don’t really know much about. They just started attending our church last spring. When we’ve called or tried to contact the single parent this summer Read more…
-
Sobbing child on an airplane!
A couple of years ago Jon Acuff posted the following on Facebook. Yesterday on my flight, a 13 year old boy who was traveling alone sat next to me. Before we took off he lowered the tray table in front of him, put his head in his arms and started sobbing. Big tears covered the tray as he wept in his seat I asked Read more…
-
Ten tips to create an every-other-weekend home for the child of divorce
Many times, we concentrate on the single-parent home where a child resides. But there are thousands of part-time single parents. These are the situations when the kids come to visit on the weekend. Part-time single parents need help and suggestions to create an emotionally and spiritually healthy environment for the kids. This information in this blog is to help single parents whose kids Read more…
-
Question of the week: How can single parents overcome unique summertime problems?
Upon reading the post Dreading the summer as a single parent, a Single & Parenting leader responded with some concerns single parents had shared with her about the summer months. Daycare costs go up dramatically. One mom said she usually pays for after-school care and now will pay for full daycare. Her expenses are going from $250 to more than $800 a Read more…
-
It’s hard when kids leave for visitation. How can you help the single parent?
This is a tough issue. I have to confess I didn’t handle this one very well when I was a single parent. The first few times my children left for the weekend, I was lost and hurting. I have learned over the years how to approach this dilemma. This is one of those issues that unless you’ve experienced it or walked with Read more…
-
Need tips to help a child transition to the other parent’s home for the summer?
Depending on where you live, children will be getting out of school in the next few days and weeks. This means many children will be traveling across the country or town to spend the summer with their other parent. How do children’s pastors and church leaders help these kids have a good send-off? You may want them to understand you will miss Read more…
-
Question of the week: How do you prepare your child for the disruption of their schedule?
Anyone who ministers to children of divorce will come across this issue at some point. Most of these kids struggle with chaotic schedules. Even as they need consistency, they cope with unstable and fluid timetables, a byproduct of separation or divorce. Past posts have addressed the importance of consistent schedules for children of divorce. At the beginning of the school year, there Read more…
-
The big overwhelming variable that causes kids of divorce anxiety
Many things affect children when parents divorce. However, there is one big, overwhelming variable that causes kids of divorce angst and anxiety—and that is when parents continue to fight and war with each other. Parental conflict affects children for many years to come. When parents continue to fight, that does several things to the children in the family. Many times, kids are Read more…
-
How to help children stay connected to the long-distance parent
When a parent lives out of state and not close to children, it can be a real challenge to keep the relationship alive. However, there are several things you can do to help the long-distance parent stay connected. If the long-distance parent is in your church, offer the following suggestions. The main thing is to create a relationship with the child. It takes Read more…
-
10 Suggestions to help children acclimate after returning home from visitation
Recently, I received the following question from a church leader who works with single parents and children: “I have a single mom whose young children, ages three and five, have been visiting their dad for the last six weeks. They come back Saturday. Do you have any advice I can give her as they transition back into her home?” First of all, I Read more…
-
When kids travel to visit their non-custodial parent: The disconnect
The other day, I took a walk on the beach in the early morning and happened upon a dad and son. The little boy, who appeared to be about four, was frolicking in the waves and splashing water everywhere. As I approached the scene, I could tell what was going on. I’d seen it so many times before. It was summer visitation between Read more…
-
Question of the week: What are you supposed to do when you suddenly have your child full-time for 4-6 weeks?
Hundreds of children’s ministers, DivorceCare leaders, and Single & Parenting facilitators are being asked this question right now as summer visitation interrupts the lives of many kids and parents. Let’s clarify what many single parents are worried about. It might sound something like this: “I live far away and don’t get to have my children very much. Now it’s summer, and I just Read more…
-
10 tips for helping the single parent whose kids are on an extended visit to the other parent
Have you ever noticed that when summer rolls around, some regularly attending kids in your ministry seem to disappear? You begin to notice that along with the kids’ disappearance, the single parent is not active. You might have heard the children talking about visiting the other parent for an extended vacation, but what happened to their single parent who attends your Read more…
-
Summertime and the kids of divorce– how you can help
What do single or divorced parents do with their school-age children when school is out? This is a real dilemma many single parents face. The days are long, kids get bored easily, and events and activities cost more than the budget allows. Single parents often struggle to afford high-quality child care and recreational programs. Many single parents feel guilty over having to work Read more…
-
Never discount the power of a praying child
Those of us in children’s ministry have experienced children praying, and we’ve seen the Lord answer those prayers. I’ve heard everything from “Please pray for my cat to come home” to “Please pray for my daddy come back home.” I’ve also heard prayers such as “Tell my brother to stop hitting me” and prayers for other children, “Help Piper get over her cold.” Read more…
-
How do I help a single dad whose kids live with their emotionally unhealthy mother?
This article stems from an email I got several months ago. Here is that email. I have been divorced for three years. My ex-wife no longer practices the morals and/or values in which I believe. In short, my ex-wife is an expert at covert manipulation (toward the kids) and causing problems. She’s like a pyromaniac setting a house on fire then going to Read more…
-
How to help the child of divorce who has been gone all summer
Summer is almost over in many places. You probably have a lot of kids getting excited about the new school year. You are going to see kids wearing some of their new clothes to church. You might see some of them experimenting with a new backpack or notebook. You’ll hear talk of who gets what teacher and how excited they are or Read more…
-
Understanding and encouraging the alienated parent
In the article Parental alienation—is it real? we defined what parental alienation is and how to help the children affected by it. Another part of effectively ministering to the child is ministering to the parent. Parental alienation is a family issue, and everyone in the family is affected in one way or another. In order to help you better understand the parent’s issue, Read more…
-
Parental alienation—is it real?
My introduction to parental alienation was several years ago. A mom’s ex-husband was constantly telling us all about his ex’s bad traits. If that wasn’t bad enough, when the child returned from visitation with the dad, he was caustic toward his mother. To be honest with you, I got confused about whom to believe and was basically clueless about how to handle Read more…
-
Got missing kids this summer? How to stay in touch with them and the single parent
Many children’s ministers and church volunteers will notice there are some children that seem to drop out over the summer months. Perhaps these are children who miss periodically but this summer you haven’t seen them for four or five weeks. These might very well be the children of divorce. Many divorced parents take advantage of summer months to have their children come Read more…
-
What is shared parenting, and how does it affect the children in your ministry?
Riley has just started attending your church. She seems to be a happy kid. She talks freely about her mom and dad and even mentions them in the same sentence at times, as in, “My mom and dad both like that new restaurant.” So you are surprised when one day Riley says something about her dad’s house. You go to your files and Read more…
-
How to help kids who don’t want to visit the other parent
Several of you dealing with children of divorce who don’t want to visit the other parent requested this particular subject. One children’s church leader reported that after a visit to the other parent’s home, “The kids come back to us shut down, nontalkative, and in need of love.” She went on to report another family’s situation, “Another set of my kids love their Read more…
-
How do I help a mom whose child wants to go live with the other parent?
Life for a child of divorce is difficult! A church leader approached me with the following situation. “I have a wonderful Christian single mom in our church who is devastated, and I don’t know how to help. She has done everything to provide for and create a happy Christian home for her kids. The other day her son asked to go live with Read more…
-
Does spring break mean heartache for some kids of divorce?
Hear what kids of divorce have to say about spring break. In my area of the country, it is officially spring break time. By that, I mean all the college kids are coming to our area to enjoy the beaches. Families are flocking to our area to celebrate spring in the warm sunshine. In the news media when you hear about spring break, Read more…
-
What Happens to The Child of Divorce During the “Switching Hour”?
Many have coined the time when children go from one home to another the “switching hour”. Evon Flesberg was the first expert to write about the switching hour in her book, “The Switching Hour, Kids of Divorce Say Good-Bye Again”[1]. I’ve watched children for years deal with this issue of switching back and forth between homes. Evon brings up an interesting point when Read more…
-
Here is 1 simple tip to help kids of divorce cope over the holidays
In your ministry, it’s likely that you have observed single parents and kids who develop a lot of anxiety about the process of shuttling the children between homes. This stress will be amplified during the holiday season. The switching hour, the time the kids switch between homes, can become less stressful if single parents work at making it normal. I’d like to give you Read more…
-
When kids of divorce play the “but” card
“But Dad wouldn’t do it that way.” “But mom lets us have ice cream before bed.” “But dad said if we didn’t want to go to bed early we don’t have to. He said so.” “But mom said we have to do our homework as soon as we get home. She said if it’s a problem for you to call her.” Children who Read more…
-
Question of the week: Can you help me understand child visitation arrangements?
“I understand the ‘every other weekend’ visitation schedule. I understand a child visiting the other parent on holidays and during the summer. But we have kids in our church whose attendance is so sporadic. We never know when they are going to show up.” “We have custodial parents who say they have custody but they come to us with horrific tales of woe. Read more…
-
The importance of replacing “rituals” for the child of divorce
In a previous post we discuss the importance of rituals for the child of divorce. I shared that rituals help children connect to loved ones. It is important that church leaders, volunteers and ministers understand the role rituals play in the lives of children of divorce. When children lose rituals or connections with important people in their lives, they may become attached to Read more…