Archive for the ‘Accept the Challenge’ Category
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Creative tips to use when living with or ministering to a traumatized child
In another blog, “Do you recognize the behaviors of a traumatized child?” I presented how children might act when exposed to various crises. Today let’s look at what we can do when ministering to, living with, or working with a child that has been traumatized. What to do When dealing with unruly children change from thinking or asking, “What’s wrong with you?” to Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I handle Fathers Day with kids who have absent, uninvolved fathers?
Father’s Day is upon us again. I’ve been watching all the Father’s Day ideas on Pinterest and Facebook pages that serve children’s ministers. I’ve also received a slew of emails from prominent children’s ministers and children’s organizations talking about honoring fathers on this up-and-coming Father’s Day. I’m seeing some great ideas, and I’m glad to see churches reaching out to fathers. Read more…
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What do I need to know when grandparents assume responsibility for their grandchildren?
Many grandparents thought they were through parenting only to find they have to parent the second or third generation in their family. Some of these grandparents are retired or ready to retire. They have worked hard to get to a point where they can sit back and enjoy life. Now they find they have to make many adjustments in their home. That sewing Read more…
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Single moms are moms too! Honor them on Mother’s Day.
Single moms deserve the honor of being acknowledged on Mother’s Day. But how many single moms will be in your church on Mother’s Day? Have you ever noticed that some single moms might not attend on Mother’s Day? Know why? Because it can be a hurtful day without their children. You know, the kids who are with the other parent every other Read more…
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Today’s kids are experiencing a world full of trauma. Is your church trauma-informed?
In our world today, many children experience early childhood trauma. Through a lot of research, we now know that childhood trauma can affect children for the rest of their lives. ACEs too High explains in several articles and research reviews how trauma in early childhood can affect kids’ behavior and health during childhood and cause lifelong problems. We know early trauma causes Read more…
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Single Parents: Summer months can be very complicated for your children
Summer months can become very sticky, messy, and complicated for mothers, fathers, and children in divorced families and single-parent homes. Divorce decrees can mandate that when school is out, and the children visit the other parent for extended periods of time. They may stay several weeks or even all summer with the other parent. In places with year-round school, the children might stay Read more…
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Do elementary age children die by suicide? (Covid might be changing the stats)
This series of articles was written before the Covid pandemic hit our world. The articles on suicide here on the Kids & Divorce blog still apply to children whose parents are divorcing, arguing, etc. but now we add another stressful element to their lives with Covid issues. We know the isolation and stress our children are experiencing have added to thoughts Read more…
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A call for help: Suicide in children
This is the second in the series on children and suicide. The first post asked the question, “Do elementary age children seriously consider dying by suicide?” It is important to understand all you can about suicide in young children so you can better parent, teach and minister to the potentially vulnerable child in your life. This post gives you a deeper understanding of Read more…
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Suicide myths: Learning the truths
This is the third article in this series on suicide in children. The first asked the question, “Do elementary age children seriously die by suicide?” The second was, “A call for help”. In this article, we separate the truths from the myths of suicide. It is important to truly understand all aspects of suicide in children so we can help them have a Read more…
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Happy Mother’s Day to all the single moms everywhere
Single moms deserve the honor of being acknowledged on Mother’s Day. When you get to know a single mom you begin to realize they are the most determined group of people you will ever meet. Single moms have reared some amazing adults. Single moms today are raising the next generation of doctors, lawyers, scientist, ministers, politicians, teachers, parents and every profession you can Read more…
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How grandparents can help children of divorce honor their moms on Mother’s Day
With Mother’s Day on the horizon, many churches are planning how to celebrate the mothers in their congregation. In children’s classes around the globe, little kids will be making things to take to their mothers on this special day. There is one group of kids, though, who are conflicted about how to proceed with celebrating their mothers, and that is children of Read more…
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How Daylight Savings Time will affect kids of divorce
Next week, when we go on daylight savings time children, will rise an hour earlier. Most of them will rise while it is still dark outside. Some will have to wait on school buses in the dark. Monday all these children are going to arrive at school a little flustered and sleepy. It will take a few days or even weeks for Read more…
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Take precautions – infectious virus
Coronavirus and pandemic are words being cast around the world right now. People are scared. You can hear it in the almost panic voices of the news media as they expound on the coronavirus crisis. Being in children’s ministry, I naturally think about the children in our communities. To be specific, I think about the children in single-parent families. Kids of divorce are Read more…
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Murdered Single Mom
Six years ago, at about 6 p.m. on Christmas Eve, a seventeen-year-old young man murdered his single mom in the Florida community where I live. They had been having an altercation, and at some point, the young man grabbed a baseball bat, beat his mom, and stabbed her numerous times with kitchen knives. From all accounts, the young man appeared to be a Read more…
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15 fears and worries single parents face
Recently in our Single and Parenting class we covered the question, “What fears and worries do you have raising your children by yourself?” Our group was quick to share from their hearts. I’ve asked this question many times at workshops and seminars. Here are some answers I’ve garnered over the years How would I keep my kids safe? When my kids lived close Read more…
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How Do You Help the Single Dads in Your Church?
When many people think “single parent” they automatically think of the single mom. While single moms do make up the majority of single parents, single dad households are on the rise. According to research published in 2013 and released by the Pew Research Social & Demographic Trends in the article “The Rise of Single Fathers” minor children living in a home headed by Read more…
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Does your church disciple single dads?
We hear a lot in the news about deadbeat single dads. These stories are about single dads who don’t step up to the plate and support their children. Not long ago there was the news story in the New York Times titled, Skip Child Support. Go to Jail. Lose Job. Repeat. I’m not here to debate the political correctness of that situation. I Read more…
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Happy Father’s Day!
To single dads, co-parenting dads, noncustodial fathers, stepdads, and to those who are happily married: thanks for all you do to love and support your children. You make a difference!
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Regarding Father’s Day: Single dads are dads too!
This month I’d like to bring emphasis to the single dads in our world today. Let’s start by thinking about single dads and Father’s Day. Father’s Day is set aside to celebrate the father’s in our world. Some children of divorce may not have a close relationship with their father. Perhaps the Lord has provided another person to play that father role. Read more…
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Kids that exhibit strange and unusual actions
Have you ever had a child exhibit behaviors that you couldn’t quite put your finger on what the problem was? The child who acts out at strange times The child who says something out of the ordinary and you don’t realize it until later in the day when you think, “That was a strange comment for him to make.” The kid who runs, Read more…
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Why children like “life in the shadows”
Too Small To Ignore, by Dr. Wess Stafford (Waterbrook Press) pg. 63 How will you create a close-knit group for a child of divorce? Will these kids feel accepted and part of the group family? Many children of divorce feel abandoned by one of their parents and sometime by both parents. Children of divorce need the church. They need to know God will never Read more…
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Emotional concussions can be just as lethal, and sometimes even more so, than a physical concussion
Have you ever considered the term emotional concussion? Have you ever thought about what might be involved in an emotional concussion? Emotional concussions occur when young children Live in homes controlled by alcohol, drugs, explosive tempers Live in homes full of stress Live with dysfunctional adults Have exposure to people who are physically, emotionally, and/or sexually abusive Experience the divorce of their parents From Read more…
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“Whether” getting you down?
I imagine when you read the title you thought I misspelled “whether.” You probably thought I was going to talk about the weather. The weather can be depressing. On my Facebook feed yesterday, several children’s ministers were announcing their church would be closed due to the horrific snow storm in some of the Northern states. A snow storm on Sunday and keeping Read more…
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No R.E.S.P.E.C.T. for anyone or anything. What do you do?
“I am fed up with some of these kids. They have no respect for me or for anything!” I have often heard people that work with misbehaving kids talk about the lack of respect some of these kids have. They say it like they are ready to throw in the towel and walk away. My suggestion is to take the word “respect” Read more…
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Part One: Reasons we do what we do at Christmas and all year long
The little fellow stood off to the side of the room. Everyone was jumping up and down waiting for their special Christmas treat. As each child received their present one could hear laughter and squeals of delight. All this little boy wanted was for his mom to come home for Christmas. If she could just change her mind and come home even if Read more…
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How silence shatters dreams for the child of divorce
Every child has dreams and when parents divorce or break up, silence from the adults in their lives can tend to destroy the dreams in a normal child centered environment. All children are self-centered. That’s how God made us – to depend on our parents and other adults. However, when there is a crisis such as a divorce, kids need people to talk Read more…
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Be an encourager for the little people this holiday season
When I was growing up, we went to my grandmother’s for holiday events. I remember when our entire family, including all the cousins, came together at Christmas, there were always two eating areas. One was in the kitchen at the kitchen table, and that’s where all the kids or, as my grandfather would say, “the little people” would eat. At the nice dining-room Read more…
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Veterans Day and the military kid of divorce
From the article, What is Veterans Day we read, “Veterans Day is an American federal holiday celebrated each year on November eleventh. The day honors those who have served in the United States military.” This year Veterans Day fell on Sunday so many locations are celebrating today, Monday November 12th. In our area, which is a huge military area, schools are out and all of Read more…
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Got grouchy kids this week?
What are the two most difficult days out of the entire year for the child of divorce? Want to try and guess what they are? Christmas? Thanksgiving? Valentines Day? Halloween? Birthday? Did you pick any of the above? These are all good guesses and for many children some of these days are difficult. But the two days that cause havoc with the Read more…
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When children have heart attacks
For years children have told me their hearts hurt. When I ask them where it hurts, they will lay their little hands over their hearts and say, “It hurts right here.” You might say these little ones are having heart attacks. We don’t usually think about little children having a heart attack. The kind of “heart attack” I’m talking about is affecting thousands Read more…
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Kids of divorce need predictability. How do you give them that?
Today, we continue our exploration about the importance of “rituals” for the child of divorce. This post will focus on the need for predictability in the lives of children of divorce. It’s very important that the child of divorce knows they can depend on specific things happening at specific times. They often have the perception that their lives are out of control and in disarray. Read more…
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Fidgety kids, ADHD kids, and kids who can’t sit still, oh my!
It appears our society has a real big problem with fidgety kids and kids who can’t sit still. More children are being diagnosed ADHD, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Children being diagnosed with ADHD went from 7.8% in 2007 to 11% in 2011. Many more teachers, childcare workers, church volunteers, and even parents wonder if the children in their situations are ADHD. Because of the Read more…
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“I hate Divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel
For some church leaders and children’s workers it may be hard to truly understand what happens with a child of divorce inside the child’s head, within the heart, and under the skin Plainly stated, children lose their family. They lose a mom and dad living together as a unit. While this may seem like it is a simple statement, it has monumental outcomes Read more…
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More things kids of divorce do well
After the last post about “Ten things kids of divorce do well,” people responded with more things these kids do well and I’ve been asked to update the lists of things these kids do well. Please understand these lists do not apply to all children of divorce. And not all things on the lists apply to every child. God creates all of us Read more…
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10 things kids of divorce do well
. Did you know that while divorce is heart breaking for children there are many things kids of divorce do well? Oh, maybe not at first but eventually as they heal and move forward with their lives, they have a few advantages over other kids who haven’t experienced the break up of their family. Here are some of the things they do well Read more…
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A big problem for our future – 40% of children lack secure attachment
Many infants who live in a stressed single-parent home face attachment issues. The single parent, which could be a mom or a dad, might be in a state of shock and barely surviving. They take the child to childcare, work a full day, pick up the child, and stumble home. Hoping the childcare is giving adequate care, they may feed the child and Read more…
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One bird alone is like a single parent alone
Starting in May birds from South America arrive in our area to nest. They nest along the causeway to Navarre Beach from May to mid-September. I live in that area and walk the Navarre Bridge and causeway each morning during the summer months. I watch as these birds claim their territory and begin nesting. The black skimmers are fascinating to watch as they Read more…
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Sobbing child on an airplane!
A couple of years ago Jon Acuff posted the following on Facebook. Yesterday on my flight, a 13 year old boy who was traveling alone sat next to me. Before we took off he lowered the tray table in front of him, put his head in his arms and started sobbing. Big tears covered the tray as he wept in his seat I asked Read more…
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Champions, cheerleaders, and mentors – oh my! How they can change a child’s life
Recently, I read the book Cheering for the Children by Casey Gwinn. This is an amazing book, and while not written for church leaders or children’s ministers, it is a worthwhile read to anyone ministering to children, especially those who have experienced early trauma, including the divorce of their parents. Gwinn is a man who understands that children hurt by those they love Read more…
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The challenge of childcare for single parents and how to help
We all know our children are the next generation. Unless adults make conscious efforts, they parent kids the way they were parented. Being parented doesn’t necessarily mean your mother or father raised you. For generations, people such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends have raised children. We have even had children raised by people once unknown to the children, such as foster parents. Read more…
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Do kids ever recover from the divorce of their parents?
Recover might not be an appropriate term to use. When you think of the term recover or look it up, the definition is “to return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.” When you think of kids recovering from the divorce of their parents, you need to understand their lives will never return to their previous state. Things will always be Read more…
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Children caught in the middle
Allow me to share this story I think will help you understand how hard it sometimes is to move forward in life. One spring day, I was walking in my neighborhood. As I rounded the curve, I noticed a little girl who looked to be about five years old playing outside while her mom worked in the yard. When I came back Read more…
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Things I wish my teachers at church knew….
Several years ago, a lot of attention on social media was given to a teacher, Kyle Schwartz. She didn’t know much about the students in her class, so she set out to find out about them by asking, “I wish my teacher knew … .” She instructed the students to write their responses. The results from that one simple question astounded her. One Read more…
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Should you make kids apologize?
I don’t believe in making kids apologize. You may be wondering if you read that correctly. Yes, I said, “I don’t believe in making kids apologize.” Stay with me on this because there are reasons I feel this way. And it is especially true for the child of divorce. Don’t get me wrong—it’s wise to teach children to apologize when they offend Read more…
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Question of the week: How can single parents overcome unique summertime problems?
Upon reading the post Dreading the summer as a single parent, a Single & Parenting leader responded with some concerns single parents had shared with her about the summer months. Daycare costs go up dramatically. One mom said she usually pays for after-school care and now will pay for full daycare. Her expenses are going from $250 to more than $800 a Read more…
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Single parent: free help with household chores!
Leaders: share this post with single parents! Parenting alone can be overwhelming. If you are a single parent, the following strategies can lift some of the burden of running your home: The responsibilities The chores The kids The car The laundry The appointments The kids’ activities The schedule changes The extra jobs or overtime So let me ask you: Are you up for Read more…
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Question of the week: What custody arrangement is best for the children?
People ask me this question quite often. Usually, they are children’s ministry leaders or church leaders who don’t have much experience with divorce or single-parenting issues. Nationally, there is a huge debate on this issue. Let’s take a step back in history to help you understand some of the issues in this debate. In 1969, when then-Governor Ronald Reagan signed the no-fault divorce Read more…
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How will you honor a single mom on Mother’s Day?
Mother’s Day is coming up. Have you thought much about how you might honor the single mothers in your congregation? For me personally, Mother’s Day was one of the hardest days of celebration when my kids weren’t with me. I know other single moms who feel the same way. Many single moms purposefully don’t attend church on Mother’s Day when they don’t Read more…
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How does a single mom survive parenting alone while also coping with cancer
Parenting alone can be a tough journey when one doesn’t feel well. Most single parents continue to go to work when they don’t feel well, so they can save their sick days for when their children are sick. But what happens when they face life-threatening illnesses such as cancer? I know there were a few times in my single-parent life when I got Read more…
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Children’s ministers have a HUGE responsibility
If the regular guy on the street knew all the responsibilities and tasks a children’s minister is responsible for, they would be singing “Hail to the King/Queen” every time you walked by. Your job includes the height, depth and width of building the Kingdom of God Height: The physical work is overwhelming. You spend hours setting up for Sunday and hours tearing down Read more…
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Question of the week: How many kids in my area are caught in a family crisis?
How many live in single-parent homes in your area? Have you seriously thought about the hundreds and maybe thousands of children in your area and their home situations? A lot of times, ministers and church leaders misunderstand the number of children in family crisis and single-parent homes in their communities. It is important to understand statistics because these numbers help you see how Read more…
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Fracturing and fracking of families
Recently, a church leader expressed to me, “I know people used to think divorce was damaging to kids, but today, divorce is so accepted. Why is divorce an issue for kids? I mean, aren’t about half their friends divorced? So it’s not like they feel all alone any longer.” The leader is partially right—divorce is more widely accepted in our culture. It Read more…
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A child carries the treasures of his life hidden in his pocket
When children lose connections with important people in their lives, they may become attached to their “things.” Things and possessions bring a sense of comfort, control, and order to children’s lives. These things become substitutes for deep connections with parents and other loved ones. They replace many of the rituals they held important before life changed. I had the privilege of knowing one Read more…
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Question of the week: What is the emotional glue that helps single parents stay connected to the kids?
“I’ve heard you speak at children’s ministry conferences about rituals and the child of divorce. What I want to know is why rituals are so important for the child of divorce.” Almost all children are ritual-makers. They automatically create rituals when they say hello or goodbye and in many other situations. Rituals help children connect with the people in their lives, whether Read more…
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Are You Flying Over Mission Fields to Get to the Mission Fields?
The mission field in the U.S. is screaming! There is such a huge need for Jesus in our communities. The mission fields your church might be flying over are the apartment complexes and the low-income housing down the street from your church. Don’t get me wrong. I highly support foreign missions. I think we should be going out into all the world Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do you have so much compassion for troubled and disruptive kids?
I It is really very simple—children do to others what has been done to them. Or they are hurting, little children, and their behavior is their voice screaming for help. In DC4K, or DivorceCare for Kids, we see children calming down and bringing their behavior under control when They learn they have a voice. They put a name to their feelings. Someone Read more…
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Children of divorce need YOU to help them manage their behaviors
Children of divorce face many struggles on a daily basis. Because of these adversities, some children of divorce have out-of-control behaviors. It’s not because they want to misbehave or like misbehaving; it is because they are doing the best they can in their state of confusion. Many children of divorce who misbehave are actually seeking external regulation or management. In other words, Read more…
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Question of the week: What will you say when a little child says to you, “I can’t feel God today?”
Many times down through the years, I’ve had children ask questions about God. When children’s parents are going through a divorce, surprisingly, many young children don’t question God’s existence. They question why God doesn’t stop the divorce or make Mommy come back home. Many children play the “what if” game: What if I had taken the trash out when Dad told me Read more…
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10 ways to pray for the child of divorce and their families
It is important to pray for the child of divorce. Children’s ministers can be a major player in a child’s life by being an intercessory prayer partner. Many times, though, we don’t know how or what to pray for when interceding for the child of divorce. Here are ten ways to pray for children in your ministry whose parents are divorcing: Pray for Read more…
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Excitement overflows this week
Every year, the International Children’s Ministry group hosts a Children’s Pastor’s Conference, or CPC, as it’s called by all who attend. This week, the conference is in Orlando. I’ll be presenting a couple of breakout sessions. I get so excited to present to children’s people. The adrenaline starts flowing before I ever arrive. Children’s pastors are the most fun people on the Read more…
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Why 35% of the children in your community aren’t connected with your ministry—and how you can reach them in 2018
Think of them as you would an “unreached people group”—except they live right in your own community, not in some faraway country. Today, according to the Annie E. Casey Kids Count Data Center, 35% of all children live in single-parent homes. Many of them are not involved in church and don’t know Jesus. Bottom line: their parents often don’t feel welcome in church Read more…
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All I want for Christmas is my ………..
I imagine when you saw this article title, many of you thought the rest of this phrase would be “my two front teeth.” You may remember that fun Christmas song “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” from childhood. The lyrics talk about how people stop and stare at a little child missing his two front teeth. The child wishes Read more…
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Kids’ stories that will leave you speechless and maybe even tearful
. The following are true stories shared by children I’ve worked with, coached, or ministered to. My reason for wanting you to read these stories is for you to think ahead and be prepared when children in your ministry approach you to share what is happening in their lives. Kids are the innocent ones. They need your help. They don’t need for you Read more…
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Do you want more children than ever in your church?
What if I told you that More than likely you could increase the number of children attending your church substantially? You might very well be able to reach many more children for Christ than ever before this next fall? You could change many children’s lives for the better? You’re probably wondering how this could be possible. I mean, you work very hard Read more…
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Question of the week: What precautions should we take when publishing pictures of children in our ministries– especially kids of divorce?
The other day, I was on a children’s ministry Facebook group. This is a closed group where children’s ministers discuss … children’s ministry things. The discussion was about publishing pictures of kids in different church activities on social media. As I read all of the ideas about how to obtain permission and handle things, it was clear that hardly anyone was discussing how Read more…
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Need more helpers in children’s ministry?
Finding volunteers to work in children’s ministry can be daunting, to say the least. I remember years ago when I was a children’s ministry director, finding helpers was the hardest part of my job. I would imagine it is ever harder in our fast-paced world today. When you have children of divorce in your ministries who might be out of control or have Read more…
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Question of the week: Why are some kids of divorce excited about school while others aren’t?
It seems we have several kids of divorce who just aren’t excited about school. Other kids of divorce seem over-the-top excited. What’s the deal with these kids? It seems like I’m on a merry-go-round, and I’m not sure when to get off and which kids need my help the most. Kids who don’t want to go to school Many children of divorce are Read more…
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One simple technique that changes how you discipline kids of divorce, the Safekeeper concept!
Ever heard the phrase “practice makes perfect”? It may be an old, familiar saying, but it is incorrect. It makes no difference how many times you practice something the wrong way; it will still be wrong. Instead, “perfect practice makes perfect.” Allow me to explain how practicing something will help you discipline children of divorce. Many times when working with an out-of-control Read more…
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Question of the week: Why doesn’t “time-out work” for the child of divorce?
QUESTION: “We’ve used ‘time-out’ for years in our church, and now I hear you saying it doesn’t work. Please explain why you think it doesn’t work and what alternatives we can use.” Children of divorce have a lot on their minds. Their brains might be on overload just thinking about whose house they are going to after school tomorrow. They may wonder who Read more…
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What to do when one child brings chaos to your class or group
Have you ever been teaching a class or had a group where everything was going smoothly, and then all of a sudden, that child showed up, and everything fell apart? You know what I’m talking about. The frenzied, chaotic child who breezes into your group and brings the outside chaos inside. All of a sudden, bedlam and pandemonium reign. Children of divorce live Read more…
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Question of the week: What do kids in two-parent homes have in common with kids in divorced homes?
It might surprise you to know that some kids in two-parent homes have a lot in common with children of divorce. Even though this is a blog about kids and divorce, stay with me as I explain what I mean. Among the children who participate in your church programs, some in two-parent homes display characteristics that may not make sense. They come Read more…
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Are you flying over mission fields?
When I was a young child and had just come to know Jesus Christ as my Savior, I thought the Lord might send me to a foreign mission field. I had grandiose ideas about going to South Africa and helping all the children come to know Christ. If not Africa, then maybe the Lord would send me to another foreign mission field Read more…
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What It Takes to Engage Families of Divorce
Ministry is hard work. Ministering to anyone connected to divorce takes a lot of energy and passion. For those who have experienced divorce in some way, such as being an adult child of divorce, being divorced, or having someone close to you go through a divorce, your passion is fueled by your personal experience. But what about a children’s minister or volunteer Read more…
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DivorceCare for Kids: how it meets a HUGE need at local churches
DivorceCare for Kids (DC4K) is a comprehensive, church-based program that equips local churches to help children of divorce. It’s designed to work in parallel with the adult DivorceCare program (although DC4K can also run as a stand-alone program). DC4K created this blog to help church leaders and volunteers understand the issues faced by kids caught in the crossfire of a family breakup. I Read more…
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Question of the week: Why don’t kids of divorce come to Sunday services consistently?
For weeks, I’ve been posting questions of the week. These are questions that have been asked by children’s leaders and ministers. If you have a specific question about children of divorce you’d like answered, email it to me at ljacobs@dc4k.org, and I’ll answer it. This week’s question: Why don’t divorced kids come to Sunday school consistently? When children visit the other parent Read more…
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How to help children stay connected to the long-distance parent
When a parent lives out of state and not close to children, it can be a real challenge to keep the relationship alive. However, there are several things you can do to help the long-distance parent stay connected. If the long-distance parent is in your church, offer the following suggestions. The main thing is to create a relationship with the child. It takes Read more…
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The incredible, amazing brain in kids of divorce Part 7: The heart and head
We’ve discussed a lot about the incredible, amazing brain these past few weeks. Now, I’d like to pull it all together to help you think through how to use brain research to understand the children of divorce. To help you understand the hierarchical organization of the brain, I’m going to break it down into three main sections. Even though we can’t actually break Read more…
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Question of the week: Why is it important for me to understand the brains in kids of divorce?
“I’m a children’s leader in my church. Why would I want to know about the brain when I’m with the child for only a couple of hours on Sunday and usually only every other week at that?” I realize that talking about the brain may seem like a medical issue, and you don’t think knowing about the brain will impact any of the Read more…
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Clutter stresses children of divorce. What you can do to help them.
Many children of divorce live hectic, frenzied lives. This is partly because they live in two separate homes with different sets of rules, schedules, rituals, and people in the home. At the beginning of the divorce, their stress can be over the top as their minds are filled with chaos. Children with stressed-filled lives need clean, plain, simplistic decoration in their environment. Too Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I answer questions from a parent who is in the middle of divorce conflict?
It’s Sunday morning crunch time, and you get an almost unanswerable question from a divorcing parent. More than likely, his kids are out of control due to the divorce, and he desperately needs help. How do you respond to such questions? One children’s minister asked for help in just such a scenario: “Give me a few short phrases that I can remember and Read more…
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When kids travel to visit their non-custodial parent: The disconnect
The other day, I took a walk on the beach in the early morning and happened upon a dad and son. The little boy, who appeared to be about four, was frolicking in the waves and splashing water everywhere. As I approached the scene, I could tell what was going on. I’d seen it so many times before. It was summer visitation between Read more…
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10 tips for helping the single parent whose kids are on an extended visit to the other parent
Have you ever noticed that when summer rolls around, some regularly attending kids in your ministry seem to disappear? You begin to notice that along with the kids’ disappearance, the single parent is not active. You might have heard the children talking about visiting the other parent for an extended vacation, but what happened to their single parent who attends your Read more…
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What’s missing from your VBS?
Summertime in churches can be an exciting time for children as school is out, and churches are gearing up for Vacation Bible School or, as it is known in church circles, VBS. Rooms throughout the church are decorated from top to bottom. The teachers have been trained. Supplies, snacks, and treats are ready to go. Music videos have been practiced, and the gospel Read more…
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Single parents, summer, tweens, and teens: Why your church should help and how it can
Many of us adults envy little children who don’t have to go to school or work every day during the summer. We wish we could have the summer off like the kids out of school. Maybe you imagine kids playing in a pool all day long or going to the beach. For many children in single-parent homes, however, summer proves to be Read more…
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Summertime and the kids of divorce– how you can help
What do single or divorced parents do with their school-age children when school is out? This is a real dilemma many single parents face. The days are long, kids get bored easily, and events and activities cost more than the budget allows. Single parents often struggle to afford high-quality child care and recreational programs. Many single parents feel guilty over having to work Read more…
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Question of the week: What should I say when a child asks where his father who disappeared at birth is?
When a child who’s never known or doesn’t remember his father asks, “Where is my dad?,” keep in mind that a lot of issues may prompt this question. The child might not be looking for different information than you think he is. Or the child might be asking more than where his dad physically is today. I recommend first talking to the single Read more…
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10 Reasons why children of divorce don’t want to attend your church
“What will people at church think of me?” “I don’t want to be singled out.” These statements are only two of the many reasons children of divorce might not feel comfortable in your church. New environments are just hard for some kids to accept, but children of divorce have more reasons they don’t want to be in your church. In my work, I’ve Read more…
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Why kids of divorce don’t feel safe (Part 2)
Children of divorce might not trust you. And in children’s ministry, that’s a real problem. I want to show you how to build their trust. Establishing trusting relationships will enable you to meaningfully minister to these kids. Why children of divorce have trouble with trust When children fear something, they want and expect the adults in their lives to protect them and keep Read more…
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Question of the week: Does your children’s ministry mirror your community? WARNING – you may not like these numbers!
Recently I got a note from a friend of mine who wanted to share some numbers with me. This friend lives is in a typical middle-class neighborhood and teaches at the local public school. I don’t want to cause any problems for her with her job, so I’m not going to post exactly where she lives or the school district where she teachers. Read more…
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Here are TWO BIG TIPS when ministering to disruptive children of divorce
Children of divorce can be disruptive, and many times, the adult standing in front of them doesn’t know what to do. Here are two really easy techniques to use. Tip #1 Don’t ask the child any question whose answer you already know. It tends to take away the dignity of the child. More than likely, the child knows you know the answer, so Read more…
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Question of the week: How can I help my nursery worker who is experiencing a divorce?
Recently, I got the following question from a children’s pastor. “I have a nursery worker who I found out is experiencing a divorce. I don’t know how to help her. She is one of my best nursery workers, and she has been in our nursery for years. I’m worried her personal situation is going to affect how she interacts with our infants Read more…
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Making divorce easier for kids to understand– a sweet story
I love getting uplifting emails and Facebook messages from people who minister to children. The following message is just too sweet to keep to myself. I pray that it blesses you as much as it did me. This message comes from Randy Smith, a businessman in his community and a lay leader who coordinates and oversees DivorceCare, Single & Parenting, and DivorceCare Read more…
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Divorce hurts kids – literally divorce hurts
Divorce hurts children in many ways. It affects every area of their lives. And hurting children hurt others. When divorce hurts children to the very core, and there doesn’t seem to be any help or future for them, many times, they hurt others. They feel lost in a sea of adversity and confusion. Today, we have Infants and toddlers crying incessantly and refusing Read more…
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Why does the child of divorce wonder, “Where Will I Sleep Tonight?”
Why do children of divorce wonder, Where will I sleep tonight? These children face many stressful issues, and sometimes wondering where they will lay their head is a big worry. To adults, this might sound a little ridiculous. We all know where we will sleep tonight. Children of divorce, though, do actually worry about this question. Even with a schedule and consistency in Read more…
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Question of the week: What do I do if an abusive parent shows up to kidnap his or her child? What if they are armed?
Today, I describe extreme situations that might affect your children’s ministry. I hope you never have to deal with these situations, but in today’s environment, you need to be prepared. “What do I do if an abusive parent shows up to kidnap his or her child? What if the parent is armed?” I was asked this question at a recent children’s pastors’ event. Read more…
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10 ways to help kids of divorce when they explode emotionally at church
In our last post “When kids of divorce explode emotionally, how do you help the parent?” we discussed how to help the single parent whose child explodes at home. But what do you do when an emotional explosion happens at church? You can’t send the child to his room. You must handle the explosion at the moment it happens. Many ways we deal Read more…
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“Do you love me?” ask the children of divorce
I have had many children ask me the following questions Does my daddy still love me? Do you think if my mom comes back home, she will love me again? How can Jesus love me when my own dad didn’t love me enough to stick around? Do you love me? Do you know I love you? Love, love, love, it is a basic Read more…
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Question of the week: What are phrases, words, or questions can I use to help children of divorce in my ministry?
Sometimes as adults we get too caught up in the issue of divorce when little kids just want someone to talk to them and someone to listen to them. Kids get caught in the middle and many times they need neutral territory so they can let down, talk and not worry about hurting either parent’s feelings. Children’s ministers, volunteers, DC4K leaders and loving Read more…
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Empowering the helpless and vulnerable child
One of the tragedies of living in fractured families and the break up of a child’s home is the feeling of helplessness. Many adults who experienced the divorce of their parents report that, as children, they felt powerless and vulnerable. We now realize that the loss of dignity was another issue for many of these adults when they were children experiencing the break Read more…
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3 essential words when ministering to kids from fractured families
In our world today the majority of kids coming to us from our communities live in some type of fractured family. These children come to church in a state of brokenness. Whether it’s the Child with newly divorced parents Child living with grandma or in kinship care Child in a blended family Child in foster care They will have issues that need to Read more…