Archive for the ‘Question of the week’ Category
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Question of the week: How do I handle Fathers Day with kids who have absent, uninvolved fathers?
Father’s Day is upon us again. I’ve been watching all the Father’s Day ideas on Pinterest and Facebook pages that serve children’s ministers. I’ve also received a slew of emails from prominent children’s ministers and children’s organizations talking about honoring fathers on this up-and-coming Father’s Day. I’m seeing some great ideas, and I’m glad to see churches reaching out to fathers. Read more…
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Single Parents: How do I help my kid transition into their summer visitation schedule?
“The children in our area will be getting out of school in the next couple of weeks. I already know several kids of divorce that will be taking off the day after school is out. How do I send these kids off for the summer and let them know how much we will miss them?” (A children’s pastor) Many children of divorce have Read more…
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Do elementary age children die by suicide? (Covid might be changing the stats)
This series of articles was written before the Covid pandemic hit our world. The articles on suicide here on the Kids & Divorce blog still apply to children whose parents are divorcing, arguing, etc. but now we add another stressful element to their lives with Covid issues. We know the isolation and stress our children are experiencing have added to thoughts Read more…
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Question of the week: How does Valentine’s Day affect kids and divorced parents?
The infamous day of “love” is coming up. You know the one I’m talking about: Valentine’s Day. How Valentine’s Day affects kids and divorced parents is an interesting question. A lot of how it affects kids and parents depends on where the parents are in the divorce process. If the parents are recently divorced, still healing, and not involved in another relationship, Read more…
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Question of the week: Why is the interruption of routines and traditions at Christmas so difficult for a child?
Children of divorce get used to a particular routine. While living in a different house every week or leaving your home to spend every other weekend with a different parent might not seem like a routine to us adults, to children, it is what has become their routine. It is a schedule that has become a routine they can count on to Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do behavior problems escalate when there is a divorce?
There are many things happening in a child’s life when parents separate or divorce. The child doesn’t understand adult problems and even though a lot of their friends have divorced parents, many children simply don’t know what the word “divorce” means. All they know is their parents were together and now one parent is packing their bags. In “Divorced Kids” by Laurene Read more…
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Does your church disciple single dads?
We hear a lot in the news about deadbeat single dads. These stories are about single dads who don’t step up to the plate and support their children. Not long ago there was the news story in the New York Times titled, Skip Child Support. Go to Jail. Lose Job. Repeat. I’m not here to debate the political correctness of that situation. I Read more…
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Question of the week: Do you have any advice for parents to help children who rotate between two homes?
I was recently asked this question on Facebook. I know nothing about the individual situation that prompted this question so I can only answer in generalities. Here are a few ideas that will help all children. Share them with the single parents you know and minister to: Keep a calendar in a prominent place so the child can see it. Remind the Read more…
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Question of the week: How can I, who know nothing about divorce, help a child in our church whose parent’s marriage is on the rocks?
The following is from a children’s minister “There is a 4th grader in my ministry whose parents are on the verge of divorce. Things seem to have improved for now as they are seeking counseling. I have no point of reference for ministering to her, at least as it specifically relates to this situation. I identified that there was something going on with Read more…
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Question of the week: Help! We have an unruly kid and nothing works. What do we do?
It can be so frustrating when you have one kid or a couple of kids that disrupt the entire group. Everything you’ve learned about classroom management has been tried and the kid is still out of control. I understand. Sometimes you feel like it’s you and perhaps you just need to resign from working with kids. Does any of this sound familiar? This Read more…
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Question of the week: Can you help me understand boundaries that some single parents might need to develop?
There are many single parents that have always had problems setting boundaries for themselves. For some the lack of ability to set personal boundaries is the reason they are parenting alone. Other single parents develop boundary problems when they begin to parent alone. Maybe it is due to the shock of becoming a single parent or perhaps it is the stress involved in Read more…
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Children caught in the middle
Allow me to share this story I think will help you understand how hard it sometimes is to move forward in life. One spring day, I was walking in my neighborhood. As I rounded the curve, I noticed a little girl who looked to be about five years old playing outside while her mom worked in the yard. When I came back Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help a mean or hurtful child?
Many children come across as being mean or hurtful. However, most of these children just need help regulating their behavior. They don’t need consequences and punishments. Let me say it again: they need help regulating their behavior. How do you help a child who comes across as being mean? How do you have empathy for a child who is hurtful to others? I Read more…
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Question of the week: Does divorce define who a child is?
Does divorce define who a child is? Ask these children. I’m divorced, says a seven-year-old girl. We’re divorced, my mom and me, says an eight-year-old boy. When my dad and I got our divorce…, says a ten-year-old girl. Why would children say these kinds of thing? They didn’t get divorced. However, you can hear many children, up through tweens and young teens, say Read more…
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Question of the week: Why are family meals so important for the single parent?
Quite a bit of research shows that family meals are important in keeping kids connected to the family unit. Some research even says kids get better grades and are less depressed when families eat together. Unfortunately, with the hectic, busy lifestyles single parents lead, family meals are often the last thing they think about. On the way home after work and picking Read more…
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Question of the week: Can you help me understand parental alienation?
“We have a couple divorcing in our church. It appears there is a lot of conflict, and lately I’ve heard the term ‘parental alienation’ being thrown around. I’m not sure I understand what this is all about.” The term “parental alienation” first appeared on my radar back in the late seventies. It is a very tough issue to deal with. I’ve had the Read more…
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Question of the week: Which Bible passage will help me with the challenges of ministering to the child of divorce?
Recently, I was visiting with a children’s minister. She was overwhelmed with some children in her church who were experiencing the divorce of their parents. Some were displaying exasperating, out-of-control behaviors. She sounded like she was about ready to throw in the towel and walk away. We recognize this as burnout. We all get that way sometimes. You know what I’m talking Read more…
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Question of the week: How many kids in my area are caught in a family crisis?
How many live in single-parent homes in your area? Have you seriously thought about the hundreds and maybe thousands of children in your area and their home situations? A lot of times, ministers and church leaders misunderstand the number of children in family crisis and single-parent homes in their communities. It is important to understand statistics because these numbers help you see how Read more…
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Question of the week: What is the emotional glue that helps single parents stay connected to the kids?
“I’ve heard you speak at children’s ministry conferences about rituals and the child of divorce. What I want to know is why rituals are so important for the child of divorce.” Almost all children are ritual-makers. They automatically create rituals when they say hello or goodbye and in many other situations. Rituals help children connect with the people in their lives, whether Read more…
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How do you meet a child’s emotional quota?
Many of us in children’s ministry have worried about children of divorce and whether their emotional needs are being met. Often, we ask, How do they cope with living in two homes? How do they get their emotional needs met when their parents are stressed to the max or still fighting and warring over their “things”? Children in divorced homes may need more Read more…
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Question of the week: Is there ever a funny side to single parenting?
It may seem like most posts on this blog talk about the difficult sides of single parenting, but there are also funny and lighter sides to parenting alone. Today, I’d like to share a few of my lighter moments as a single parent. Mixed matched shoes When I was a single mom, the light bulb went out in my closet. My closet was Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do you have so much compassion for troubled and disruptive kids?
I It is really very simple—children do to others what has been done to them. Or they are hurting, little children, and their behavior is their voice screaming for help. In DC4K, or DivorceCare for Kids, we see children calming down and bringing their behavior under control when They learn they have a voice. They put a name to their feelings. Someone Read more…
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Question of the week: What will you say when a little child says to you, “I can’t feel God today?”
Many times down through the years, I’ve had children ask questions about God. When children’s parents are going through a divorce, surprisingly, many young children don’t question God’s existence. They question why God doesn’t stop the divorce or make Mommy come back home. Many children play the “what if” game: What if I had taken the trash out when Dad told me Read more…
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Question of the week: What are the causes of kids being unruly during and after a divorce?
Many things are happening in children’s lives when their parents separate or divorce. Children don’t understand adult problems, and even though a lot of their friends have divorced parents, many children simply don’t know what the word “divorce” means. All they know is their parents were together, and now one parent is packing up to leave. In Divorced Kids by Laurene Johnson Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help a young child with separation anxiety due to the parents’ divorce?
We have a young mom whose husband left a few weeks ago. This family has attended our church since before the child was born. He is now 2 years old. Since the dad left, this toddler screams and holds on to his mom’s neck when she tries to bring him into the nursery. We usually end up asking the mom to leave her Read more…
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All I want for Christmas is my ………..
I imagine when you saw this article title, many of you thought the rest of this phrase would be “my two front teeth.” You may remember that fun Christmas song “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” from childhood. The lyrics talk about how people stop and stare at a little child missing his two front teeth. The child wishes Read more…
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Question of the week: Can you help me understand life in the single-parent home?
One family minister sent me an email with the following: I’ve been ministering to some single parents in our church. It seems like they continue to just spin out of control all the time. We get one situation cleaned up, and something else pops up on the radar. He went on to give a list of situations these single parents had experienced: Read more…
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Question of the week: Why are some kids of divorce excited about school while others aren’t?
It seems we have several kids of divorce who just aren’t excited about school. Other kids of divorce seem over-the-top excited. What’s the deal with these kids? It seems like I’m on a merry-go-round, and I’m not sure when to get off and which kids need my help the most. Kids who don’t want to go to school Many children of divorce are Read more…
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Question of the week: Why doesn’t “time-out work” for the child of divorce?
QUESTION: “We’ve used ‘time-out’ for years in our church, and now I hear you saying it doesn’t work. Please explain why you think it doesn’t work and what alternatives we can use.” Children of divorce have a lot on their minds. Their brains might be on overload just thinking about whose house they are going to after school tomorrow. They may wonder who Read more…
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Question of the Week: When a child of divorce has behavior problems, should I call the parents?
I get asked this question a lot. Usually, it is from a children’s minister or the person overseeing a church event, such as Vacation Bible School. I know immediately if this person has an understanding of children of divorce by whether he does or does not put the “s” on the end of parents. Rarely are children of divorce brought to church by Read more…
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Question of the week: What do kids in two-parent homes have in common with kids in divorced homes?
It might surprise you to know that some kids in two-parent homes have a lot in common with children of divorce. Even though this is a blog about kids and divorce, stay with me as I explain what I mean. Among the children who participate in your church programs, some in two-parent homes display characteristics that may not make sense. They come Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help a single parent with a young child who screams when being left on Sunday mornings?
Helping the single parent of a young child can be difficult when there is upheaval going on in the home. A children’s minister friend experienced this to me and sent me the following scenario. The mom was bringing her young son to church, but the little boy didn’t want to stay. “We’ve assigned one person to accept this little boy, and even if Read more…
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Question of the week: Why don’t kids of divorce come to Sunday services consistently?
For weeks, I’ve been posting questions of the week. These are questions that have been asked by children’s leaders and ministers. If you have a specific question about children of divorce you’d like answered, email it to me at ljacobs@dc4k.org, and I’ll answer it. This week’s question: Why don’t divorced kids come to Sunday school consistently? When children visit the other parent Read more…
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What do I do if I suspect a child of divorce is being abused or neglected?
Last week, we discussed listening to children of divorce. Part of listening to them includes noticing if they are giving you clues about being abused or neglected. Children of divorce will try to protect their parent if the parent or the parent’s significant other is the abuser. This is especially true if the abuser is the parent the child doesn’t get to Read more…
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Question of the week: Do you know what to listen for when ministering to the child of divorce?
Children’s ministry people have said to me, “I don’t know anything about divorce, and I’m not sure I would pick up on clues a child might be giving me.” How does one know how to discern what is bothering the child when the parents are separating or divorced? Let me share with you a personal story that will help you understand how Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help a mom whose child has been physically abused?
“We were all so excited when one of our single moms married a man in our church. Little did we know this guy had a history of abuse. One of her little kids was hurt pretty badly by this guy. The state got involved, and she and her children are safe now, but the one who was abused the most has started to Read more…
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Question of the week: Why is it important for me to understand the brains in kids of divorce?
“I’m a children’s leader in my church. Why would I want to know about the brain when I’m with the child for only a couple of hours on Sunday and usually only every other week at that?” I realize that talking about the brain may seem like a medical issue, and you don’t think knowing about the brain will impact any of the Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I answer questions from a parent who is in the middle of divorce conflict?
It’s Sunday morning crunch time, and you get an almost unanswerable question from a divorcing parent. More than likely, his kids are out of control due to the divorce, and he desperately needs help. How do you respond to such questions? One children’s minister asked for help in just such a scenario: “Give me a few short phrases that I can remember and Read more…
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Question of the week: What are you supposed to do when you suddenly have your child full-time for 4-6 weeks?
Hundreds of children’s ministers, DivorceCare leaders, and Single & Parenting facilitators are being asked this question right now as summer visitation interrupts the lives of many kids and parents. Let’s clarify what many single parents are worried about. It might sound something like this: “I live far away and don’t get to have my children very much. Now it’s summer, and I just Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do single parents identify life events as ‘before’ or ‘after’ divorce?
Many of the single parents you interact with are divorced. In their minds, and in their interactions with you, they draw a clear line defining life “before my divorce” and “after my divorce.” Is this healthy? Does labeling life “before the divorce” and “after the divorce” keep single parents from moving forward? Does it mean they are still struggling with their divorce and Read more…
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Question of the week: What should I say when a child asks where his father who disappeared at birth is?
When a child who’s never known or doesn’t remember his father asks, “Where is my dad?,” keep in mind that a lot of issues may prompt this question. The child might not be looking for different information than you think he is. Or the child might be asking more than where his dad physically is today. I recommend first talking to the single Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help parents tell a 6, 7, or 8 year old children they are divorcing?
If you are a children’s minister, parents in your church have probably asked you this question. Or you may have been stunned when children tell a class or group that their parents are getting a divorce. Although none of us want children to face their parents’ divorce, it is a reality happening in our world today. It is best if you know Read more…
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Question of the week: Can children of divorce multitask effectively?
Multitasking is the source of many behavior problems that you see in children of divorce. What do I mean by that? Well, hold on as I explain. Recently, while reviewing research on the brain, I read that multitasking is a myth—your brain can only focus on one thing at a time. As I thought about this idea, a lightbulb went off in my Read more…
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Question of the week: Does your children’s ministry mirror your community? WARNING – you may not like these numbers!
Recently I got a note from a friend of mine who wanted to share some numbers with me. This friend lives is in a typical middle-class neighborhood and teaches at the local public school. I don’t want to cause any problems for her with her job, so I’m not going to post exactly where she lives or the school district where she teachers. Read more…
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Question of the week: Do single parents need family meetings? Should children’s ministers encourage them?
I’ve heard church leaders question the necessity of family meetings for single-parent homes. Some have even asked, “Aren’t these broken homes, so what good would family meetings do?” When it comes to single-parent families, there are some broken homes, and there are emotionally and spiritually healthy homes. Both types can benefit from holding family meetings. 10 reasons to encourage family meetings in single-parent Read more…
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Question of the week: How can I help my nursery worker who is experiencing a divorce?
Recently, I got the following question from a children’s pastor. “I have a nursery worker who I found out is experiencing a divorce. I don’t know how to help her. She is one of my best nursery workers, and she has been in our nursery for years. I’m worried her personal situation is going to affect how she interacts with our infants Read more…
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Question of the week: What should I say when a kid says something about court, custody or divorcing parents?
Recently a children’s leader said she has a boy that is disruptive and doesn’t pay attention. In one of the smaller groups last Sunday she overheard him say something about “court”. She said, I don’t know if I should say something to him or ask him any questions. I don’t know anything about his family. Someone drops him off and they don’t check Read more…
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Question of the week: What do I do if an abusive parent shows up to kidnap his or her child? What if they are armed?
Today, I describe extreme situations that might affect your children’s ministry. I hope you never have to deal with these situations, but in today’s environment, you need to be prepared. “What do I do if an abusive parent shows up to kidnap his or her child? What if the parent is armed?” I was asked this question at a recent children’s pastors’ event. Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I respond to a child who was dis-invited to an event by one of her parents?
How would you respond to this message? Dis-invited from a zoo trip My granddaughter’s father decided to not invite her (rather, to dis-invite her) to a zoo trip with his girlfriend and her two children, saying that his girlfriend wanted to spend the day with just her girls and him. My granddaughter shrugged it off, saying, “Well, I’ll probably get rejected by a Read more…
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Question of the week: I have a divorcing mom asking me to talk to the dad about their child’s behavior. Should I intervene?
As a children’s minister, you need to decide if you are going to minister to the child or to the adults. If your goal is to minister to the child, then I would explain to the mom that your primary concern is for her child. Tell her you: Will walk closely beside the child Are in prayer for the child Will be happy Read more…
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Question of the week: How long does it take a child to recover from the divorce of their parents?
The answer to this question can get complicated. Many divorcing parents think their children will get over the divorce fairly quickly. But what parents need to realize is while the adult life might go on and they will find a new partner, the children will never find another parent. The two parents will always be their parents. Most research shows that for adults Read more…
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Question of the week: What are phrases, words, or questions can I use to help children of divorce in my ministry?
Sometimes as adults we get too caught up in the issue of divorce when little kids just want someone to talk to them and someone to listen to them. Kids get caught in the middle and many times they need neutral territory so they can let down, talk and not worry about hurting either parent’s feelings. Children’s ministers, volunteers, DC4K leaders and loving Read more…
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How do I help the child of divorce who is all about “gimme, gimme, gimme” at Christmas?
We’ve talked a lot on this site about the hurting child of divorce and the various ways of ministering to these children. If you have been ministering very long to the child of divorce you know that while they indeed are hurting deeply, some of these children have figured out how to play the two parents against each other to get what they Read more…
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How do I help single parents reduce stress for kids who have to switch homes during the holidays?
In your ministry, it’s likely that you’ve observed single parents and kids who develop a lot of anxiety about the process of shuttling the children between homes. This stress will be amplified during the holiday season. The switching hour, the time the kids switch between homes, can become less stressful if single parents work at making it normal. I’d like to give Read more…
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What Can I Do to Support the Military Single Parent Family?
On Veteran’s Day and various holidays supporting the military, it is a good time to talk about celebrating the military single parents and their children in your congregations. This can be single parents who are currently serving or have served in our military. If you have children of a deployed single parent in your group, send a Facebook message, text or an email Read more…
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Is it better for parents to divorce when children are young or wait until the kids are older?
There are no good or right times for parents to divorce. Research shows and my experience has been that the younger the child is the more times they will process the divorce. In other words if their parents divorce when they are preschool or younger upon entering the public school arena they may question why other kids live with two parents but Read more…
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Should single parents quiz their kids about life at the other parent’s home?
I caution single parents to be careful about questioning what goes on in the other home. Kids of divorce can very quickly discern they have the “power” and will use it as a game. They may delight in watching you squirm as they tattle on the other parent. They will do the same at the other home. If you have allowed this game to get started, Read more…
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Keeping siblings of divorce together at church events. Part 2
In part 1 of “Keeping siblings together at church events” we talked about how attached children of divorce get to their siblings when traveling between homes. In this post we learn that many times when a child experiences the divorce of their parents, it affects their schoolwork. It is not unusual for a child to lose an entire school year due to the Read more…
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“We don’t have any kids in our church from divorced families. Why would we need DivorceCare for Kids?”
You might be surprised to find children of divorce in your church. It might mean one has to look differently for children of divorce and in places you might not have considered. For example, ever thought about children in two-parent families being from a divorce? If you have any blended or step family situations then more than likely you have children of Read more…
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How many churches have been equipped with the DC4K, (DivorceCare for Kids) materials?
My first answer to the question above is not nearly enough! DC4K was released twelve years ago and to date a little 3,700 churches have been equipped with the DC4K materials. That is almost one church a day that has been equipped with a DC4K kit. Many churches will run several 13-week sessions in a year. We know thousands of children are having Read more…
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Question of the week: What were the top 3 reasons you created DivorceCare for Kids?
People often ask me why I created DC4K or DivorceCare for Kids. There are many reasons; hundreds of them, and they all have a name. They are boys and girls that I have known and worked with down through the years. The top 3 reasons I created DC4K, DivorceCare for Kids are: Reason #1 Approximately one million children a year see the Read more…
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Why weren’t many single moms in your church on Mother’s Day?
Allow me to ask you some of questions. Did you see any single mothers in your church on Mother’s Day? Did you take a few minutes to look around for a single mom sitting alone in your midst? Do you know why the single moms were not in church on such a special day? For many single moms Mother’s Day is the worst Read more…
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Has non-traditional family become traditional?
Recently at the D6 2015 Conference there was a lot of talk about families. The D6 Conference is about family ministry with those families usually being the two-parent families. This year there was a lot of talk about the non-traditional families. You know those families that don’t fit the traditional mold of a two-parent family. These include the Single parent family Step and Read more…
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How infidelity between a parent and a family friend devastates the children
In the post How the Ashley Madison scandal will affect children I shared how that scandal might affect children. But is the impact the same, as when a parent has an extramarital affair with someone the child knows? Is it worse when it is someone the child is close to? Think about it for a moment. It is hard enough when a child Read more…
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What if every single parent developed a War Room?
There is a lot of attention right now about the movie. War Room. It is showing in many theaters across the country. It’s also getting rave reviews. It’s become a box office success. If you’ve seen the movie you know that the “war room” is a place where prayer takes place. Prayer goes to battle. The warrior suits up with prayer. Prayers get answered. This Read more…
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Have you encountered kids who actually wanted their parents to get a divorce?
Recently I posted an article about how blunt kids can be when talking about their parent’s divorce. After that post was published I had someone ask me if I had encountered kids who actually wanted their parents to get a divorce. This person asked if it was possible for little children to truly understood what divorce meant. Do they really want their parents Read more…
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Is it possible to stop generational divorce?
Are you aware divorce in a family can be generational? What do I mean by that? Let me give you an example. Grandma and Grandpa Smith divorce early in their marriage. Most generally the mother rears the children in a single parent family. Or she marries quickly and that marriage ends in divorce. The children grow up, get married and they end up Read more…
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Why do some kids seem to breeze through a divorce?
Many children of divorce appear to breeze through the divorce at the time the divorce happens. But don’t jump to conclusions. Many of these little girls will try to “keep the peace.” They will hide their feelings and say and do the things they think the adults expect and want from them. However, the divorce experience remains alive – but as memories that they push Read more…
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Question of the week: Will your jaw drop when you see how many single parent homes there are in your area?
The data is in, and the news for kids is not good. There has been another jump in the percentage of children living in single parent homes. In the United States, 35% of all children now live in single parent homes. Stunningly, that number is even higher in some states– over 40% in seven states reaching a high of 48% in Mississippi. Utah has Read more…
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Question of the week: What things should divorcing couples not be posting on social media?
Recently Brian Dollar, a Children’s Pastor and blogger, wrote on the subject of posting on Social Media and tweeting. The “T.H.I.N.K. Before You Post/Tweet” had some excellent ideas in it. Brian is also a friend of mine and he has given me permission to use excerpts from his post but really everyone should go to Brian’s site and read the entire post. Here Read more…
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Question of the week: How is child custody decided– and how do I understand custody definitions?
It can be confusing for anyone ministering to the child of divorce and or divorcing parents. Following are questions children’s ministers in particular have asked me. Is there a formula that is used when deciding custody and visitation? Do all states have the same rules when it comes to child custody? What is legal co-parenting? What is shared parenting? What does sole custody Read more…
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Helping a child grieve the death of a parent
Recently I published a blog about grieving a death vs grieving a divorce. While that post concentrated on helping the child of divorce grieve, I heard from many people wanting tips for helping a child grieve the death of a loved one as well. The organization, Church Initiative, which supports this blog, has several incredible curriculums to equip churches minister to people in crisis. Read more…
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Question of the week: Should we kick kids out of church?
I’m fairly sure that most people will shout, “NO! Kids should never be kicked out of church.” And yet, that seems to be happening more and more. I don’t mean that leaders are intentionally kicking kids out of church permanently, but many are asking the child to leave a class for a week or two. To the child, it is it feels like being Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help a child whose single parent moves a lot?
Moving is hard any way you label it. Recently we moved into a new home. Now I’m an adult and I understand in my mind the logistics of moving. I know things must be packed up and carted to the other home I know about packing and unpacking so things don’t get broke I know to be organized so things don’t get out of Read more…
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Question of the week: How does divorce hurt the church family?
We all know that divorce hurts individual families but are you aware that it can eventually hurt the church family too? When families become dysfunctional and divorce is on the horizon, strange things happen within the church family. Split loyalties First of all there are split loyalties. It’s as if no one is sure of which part of the couple they want to Read more…
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Question of the week: What is the difference between a broken home and a single-parent family?
The term “broken home” is used to describe a home where only one parent is raising the children. You might fairly question if there is a big difference between broken homes and single-parent homes. I mean after all, don’t both kinds of homes have only one parent? There is a big difference in a fractured, broken home and a single parent family: A single parent Read more…
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Question of the week: Are kids of divorce lonelier than kids in two-parent homes?
The answer is that of course, children of divorce are lonelier. I want to explain why, as the answer goes beyond the obvious– that only one parent is in the home. Childhood is supposed to be a happy time Little children are not supposed to be stressed, worried or lonely but we have thousands of children that don’t fit into that mold today. Many Read more…
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Question of the week: Do elementary age children “cut” or self-harm?
This might seem like a strange question to many of us especially for people who work with and minister to children. Is it really possible that young children want to self-insure or hurt their own bodies? Most of us have heard about teenagers that cut and self-harm but how many of you have dealt with an elementary age child who is cutting? I Read more…
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Question of the week: Can kids in single parent homes become successful contributing adults to society when they grow up?
There are a lot of negative statistics about children in divorced homes. While these stats may be true, they may lead you to conclude that the children who come from these homes are set up for failure. It doesn’t have to be that way, and in many cases, it is not. When I first became a single mom my kids were 12 and 8 years of Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do abused women go back to the abuser and what can we do to help?
Recently I was ministering to a lady that was new to our area. She was from another state and had just moved here. She said she had to get out of an abusive marriage so she came to live with a relative. She wanted a safe place for her and her child. She also said she needed some peace and quiet while she Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I handle the haughty child that has that “look” on his face?
You know he is the kid that comes into the room with a look that says, “Heh, heh, this is the day I’m making everyone pay for my unhappiness!” He doesn’t wait for you but skirts over to the side of the room. However, he keeps his eyes on you. What do you do at this point? You let him go. I would Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I NOT get discouraged when we have a challenging child?
It certainly can be discouraging when you have a child that is consistently challenging every rule, boundary and authority. I believe I can help you. Yeas ago I would have said, and probably said it with righteous indignity, “Pray about it.” And I would have left it at that. While I’m not trying to diminish the power of prayer I have learned over Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do you talk so much about the single moms?
It’s true that a lot of posts we do on this site are about single moms. The simple reason is that a majority of single parents are single moms. Because of this, most of my personal experience is with single moms. However, there are some great single dads in our society as well. More and more single dads are stepping up and either helping raise Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I keep from being discouraged when ministering to single parent families?
“It seems like we just get a single parent settled in their new lifestyle and then all of a sudden “boom” and everything falls apart. Their kids get out of control Their finances erupt into a crisis mode The ex shows up on the scene and makes all kinds of empty promises and they fall for it only to show up on our Read more…
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Question of the week: What were your top blog posts in 2014?
This is a great question that I am happy to answer. I have been amazed at the number of reads on our Kids and Divorce blog. Top ten reads for 2014 Starting with the count down from number 10. Ten: Divorce hurts kids – literally divorce hurts Nine: Co-parenting that hurts kids and what you can do to help Eight: KidMin Alert: Evangelical Read more…
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Question of the week: Where can I find Christmas and holiday articles for single parents?
Sometimes it is good to be able to pass a word of encouragement to a struggling single parent. Following are some articles that can be found on the DivorceCare Surviving the Holidays website. Feel free to print these, send them via Facebook, Twitter or email to the single parents in your church or to any single parent you know. These articles are all Read more…
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Question of the week: What are the effects of divorce on low-income families?
Recently I posted an article about how divorce affects children in high-income families. In many areas they fare worse than children in low-income families. However, children in low-income families have their issues too. Divorce tends to be cyclical in many families. Low-income families have been experiencing divorce longer than high-income families. Many of these adult children of divorce from low-income families are no Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help a stepdad who has gotten close to his stepsons and now the wife wants a divorce?
“He has been the only dad these kids have known. He has taken care of them physically, financially, has taken them to school each day and to church every Sunday. He loves them as his own. These boys love him and they are going to be devastated when the divorce happens. The sons don’t know about the divorce. What can I say to Read more…
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Question of the week: Does divorce affect kids in higher-income families?
I have had many children’s ministers and church leaders tell me they don’t have children of divorce in their churches. Sometimes they cite the fact that their church is in middle-class America or in a higher-income area. I assume the rationale for their statement is that couples in higher-income families don’t divorce as much as people in what one would consider lower-income families. Read more…
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Question of the week: How do older adults divorcing affect children’s ministry?
A couple of years ago we began to hear about a relatively new occurrence—the gray divorce. The gray divorce is when mature and/or senior adults divorce. There are said to be several reasons for this phenomenon. You can read about them here. With the older adults divorcing, several things are going to affect churches and in particular children’s ministries. A children’s minister emailed Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help grandparents deal with their child’s divorce?
“In our church we are having more and more grandparents coming to us wanting to visit about their adult child’s divorce. They seem to be mainly concerned about how to help their grandchildren. I’m pretty much clueless about what to say or how to help these senior adults.” There are a lot of issues a grandparent faces with the divorce of an adult child. Read more…
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Question of the week: How do you tell kids the parents are getting a divorce?
Recently I was visiting with a man whose wife had told him two weeks before that she wanted a divorce. This man was devastated. He and his soon-to-be ex wife had in mind what they wanted to tell the children. I’m glad he asked about what to say because he was getting ready to make a huge mistake. His meeting with the children Read more…
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Question of the week: Can you help me understand child visitation arrangements?
“I understand the ‘every other weekend’ visitation schedule. I understand a child visiting the other parent on holidays and during the summer. But we have kids in our church whose attendance is so sporadic. We never know when they are going to show up.” “We have custodial parents who say they have custody but they come to us with horrific tales of woe. Read more…
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Question of the week: What did you learn at CPC last week that was encouraging?
CPC is one of the premier children’s pastor’s conferences. It is hosted on the East Coast and also on the West Coast. Last week I was in Ontario, California for the West Coast conference. Even though I presented a workshop and did some coaching sessions I still learned a lot. The main thing that caught my attention: most children’s pastors still don’t focus Read more…
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Question of the week: What are 5 reasons a children’s minister should attend a kidmin conference?
1. You get to meet some of the most fun people in ministry. 2. You get renewed and rejuvenated. 3. Your soul gets stretched – think “deeper and wider”. 4. You learn what products are available to help you do a better job of ministering to the little people in the world. (Like DC4K, DivorceCare for Kids) 5. Your love for children and Read more…
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Question of the week: Know why I’m excited to be presenting at CPC this week?
CPC is the Children’s Pastor’s Conference. This week the conference is in Orlando at the Disney Conference Center. Now you might think that being at Disney in the warm sunny climate would be excitement enough but that is nothing compared to joy of being with children’s pastors for four days. Children’s pastors are the most fun people on the planet. One never knows Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do you find it important to be on the program and visible at children’s ministers and KidMin conferences?
I find it is important to be at these events because children’s ministers and church volunteers can impact a child of divorce in tremendous ways. Children of divorce should find hope, comfort and help in the church family. But the reality is many don’t. I have just returned from an 8 day trip where I spoke at LifeWay KidMin conference in Nashville, TN Read more…