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Single Parents: Summer months can be very complicated for your children
Summer months can become very sticky, messy, and complicated for mothers, fathers, and children in divorced families and single-parent homes. Divorce decrees can mandate that when school is out, and the children visit the other parent for extended periods of time. They may stay several weeks or even all summer with the other parent. In places with year-round school, the children might stay Read more…
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Give it all to Jesus: My personal story of surviving the holidays
I’ve been through some painful Christmases, following a divorce and after the death of my husband. Down through the years, I developed a way to survive the Christmas season. I’ve shared this story with hundreds of people and I’ve shared it on this blog in Christmases past. Hurting single parents have told me that this one story has helped them also discover a Read more…
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How to keep single parents from burning out
Loneliness and stress are probably the largest reasons why single parents burn out. And right now with Covid 19 and the sheltering in place and lock downs, many single parent are feeling the crunch. Many are not getting to see the children because they are at the other parent’s home. Others are worried that with all the transporting back and forth between Read more…
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What are the 3 S’s that can trigger unexpected emotions and memories at Christmas?
Just thinking about walking into my mom’s kitchen brings back fond memories. The aroma of homemade candies and pies flood my mind. The sight of her Christmas tree with the tiny little red bell that had been in my family since before I was born comes to my mind. Any time I smell cinnamon, it takes me back to Christmases past of Read more…
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Happy 4th
Single parent If you are a divorced parent and not with your children today on the 4th of July, give them a call, or text them. Let them know you are thinking of them, and wish them a safe 4th of July. If you have your children with you today, plan some kind of celebration, even if it’s just a picnic in your Read more…
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Part One: Reasons we do what we do at Christmas and all year long
The little fellow stood off to the side of the room. Everyone was jumping up and down waiting for their special Christmas treat. As each child received their present one could hear laughter and squeals of delight. All this little boy wanted was for his mom to come home for Christmas. If she could just change her mind and come home even if Read more…
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5 Ways You Can Help Single Parents Survive the Upcoming Holidays
From Halloween through Christmas can seem like an entire season for single parents. For people parenting alone or co-parenting these two months have a tendency to loom very large over them. Stress is high – finances are low. Parties are often – a full night of sleep is desired. Shopping and rushing around is endured – calm quiet activities are rare. What can Read more…
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Why we shouldn’t try and “happy up” children who are hurting at Christmas
I want to take you inside the mind and heart of a child whose parents are separated or recently divorced. I’d like to help you to understand what Christmas will look like for them. It’s a stark contrast to the Christmas most of you will enjoy. We reflect on the Christ child at Christmas most of us feel joy and wonder. We get Read more…
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What are the 3 S’s that can trigger unexpected emotions and memories at Christmas?
Just thinking about walking into my mom’s kitchen brings back fond memories. The aroma of homemade candies and pies flood my mind. The sight of her Christmas tree with the tiny little red bell that had been in my family since before I was born comes to my mind. Any time I smell cinnamon, it takes me back to Christmases past of Read more…
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One bird alone is like a single parent alone
Starting in May birds from South America arrive in our area to nest. They nest along the causeway to Navarre Beach from May to mid-September. I live in that area and walk the Navarre Bridge and causeway each morning during the summer months. I watch as these birds claim their territory and begin nesting. The black skimmers are fascinating to watch as they Read more…
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It’s our birthday today!
Today is our five-year anniversary. Wahoo! Just like a mother whose child is five years old, I wonder how it’s possible that our blog is five years old today. How can that be? I’m amazed, blessed, and just a little overwhelmed by the response to this blog. Kids & Divorce set out to educate children’s ministers and to help single parents. Along the Read more…
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Are You Flying Over Mission Fields to Get to the Mission Fields?
The mission field in the U.S. is screaming! There is such a huge need for Jesus in our communities. The mission fields your church might be flying over are the apartment complexes and the low-income housing down the street from your church. Don’t get me wrong. I highly support foreign missions. I think we should be going out into all the world Read more…
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Do children experience “stages” of divorce?
For years, people who work with children of divorce have wondered what the stages of grief are for these kids. One children’s minister asked me, “How can I help a child of divorce when I don’t know what the stages of grief are? Explain them to me, please.” Many have held onto the stages of grief developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Basically, those stages Read more…
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Children of divorce need YOU to help them manage their behaviors
Children of divorce face many struggles on a daily basis. Because of these adversities, some children of divorce have out-of-control behaviors. It’s not because they want to misbehave or like misbehaving; it is because they are doing the best they can in their state of confusion. Many children of divorce who misbehave are actually seeking external regulation or management. In other words, Read more…
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10 ways to pray for the child of divorce and their families
It is important to pray for the child of divorce. Children’s ministers can be a major player in a child’s life by being an intercessory prayer partner. Many times, though, we don’t know how or what to pray for when interceding for the child of divorce. Here are ten ways to pray for children in your ministry whose parents are divorcing: Pray for Read more…
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Why 35% of the children in your community aren’t connected with your ministry—and how you can reach them in 2018
Think of them as you would an “unreached people group”—except they live right in your own community, not in some faraway country. Today, according to the Annie E. Casey Kids Count Data Center, 35% of all children live in single-parent homes. Many of them are not involved in church and don’t know Jesus. Bottom line: their parents often don’t feel welcome in church Read more…
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10 things you must know when ministering to the child of divorce
One must be aware of many things when ministering to children in divorced homes. However, ten important things are a must. Here are what I have found to be the ten most important items to know. Children need: Caring adults who understand that children from single-parent homes may constantly fear for their safety Adults who will not leave the children at the foot Read more…
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Question of the week: How do I help single parents celebrate Christmas this year?
There are those around you who are dreading Christmas and the build-up to it. It’s easy to lose sight of this when you get caught up in the excitement of the season and the joy of celebrating the birth of our Savior. “Merry Christmas!” exclaim many Christians this time of the year. Just thinking of Christmas can bring warm feelings and memories Read more…
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DivorceCare for Kids: how it meets a HUGE need at local churches
DivorceCare for Kids (DC4K) is a comprehensive, church-based program that equips local churches to help children of divorce. It’s designed to work in parallel with the adult DivorceCare program (although DC4K can also run as a stand-alone program). DC4K created this blog to help church leaders and volunteers understand the issues faced by kids caught in the crossfire of a family breakup. I Read more…
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Question of the week: What are you supposed to do when you suddenly have your child full-time for 4-6 weeks?
Hundreds of children’s ministers, DivorceCare leaders, and Single & Parenting facilitators are being asked this question right now as summer visitation interrupts the lives of many kids and parents. Let’s clarify what many single parents are worried about. It might sound something like this: “I live far away and don’t get to have my children very much. Now it’s summer, and I just Read more…
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10 tips for helping the single parent whose kids are on an extended visit to the other parent
Have you ever noticed that when summer rolls around, some regularly attending kids in your ministry seem to disappear? You begin to notice that along with the kids’ disappearance, the single parent is not active. You might have heard the children talking about visiting the other parent for an extended vacation, but what happened to their single parent who attends your Read more…
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Single parents, summer, tweens, and teens: Why your church should help and how it can
Many of us adults envy little children who don’t have to go to school or work every day during the summer. We wish we could have the summer off like the kids out of school. Maybe you imagine kids playing in a pool all day long or going to the beach. For many children in single-parent homes, however, summer proves to be Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do single parents identify life events as ‘before’ or ‘after’ divorce?
Many of the single parents you interact with are divorced. In their minds, and in their interactions with you, they draw a clear line defining life “before my divorce” and “after my divorce.” Is this healthy? Does labeling life “before the divorce” and “after the divorce” keep single parents from moving forward? Does it mean they are still struggling with their divorce and Read more…
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Why does the child of divorce wonder, “Where Will I Sleep Tonight?”
Why do children of divorce wonder, Where will I sleep tonight? These children face many stressful issues, and sometimes wondering where they will lay their head is a big worry. To adults, this might sound a little ridiculous. We all know where we will sleep tonight. Children of divorce, though, do actually worry about this question. Even with a schedule and consistency in Read more…
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Question of the week: How long does it take a child to recover from the divorce of their parents?
The answer to this question can get complicated. Many divorcing parents think their children will get over the divorce fairly quickly. But what parents need to realize is while the adult life might go on and they will find a new partner, the children will never find another parent. The two parents will always be their parents. Most research shows that for adults Read more…
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The power of words: how they can help or hurt the child of divorce
Words can be powerful when they are used in the right context. Usage of kind words can motivate children. Unkind and cruel words can hurt children. I’ve seen well-intended words devastate the child of divorce. Let me explain how they might hear things that are said in front of them or things you might say to them. Think of the child of divorce who Read more…
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How you can encourage single parents to attend church during the holidays?
A young single mom entered my class one Sunday close to Christmas. She was almost trembling and I could tell she was very upset. She just stood there looking at me and when I asked, “What’s wrong?” She said, “I need a hug.” Single parenting is tough almost all the time. But Sundays seem particularly hard for single parents. It could be that Read more…
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Should single parents quiz their kids about life at the other parent’s home?
I caution single parents to be careful about questioning what goes on in the other home. Kids of divorce can very quickly discern they have the “power” and will use it as a game. They may delight in watching you squirm as they tattle on the other parent. They will do the same at the other home. If you have allowed this game to get started, Read more…
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A single parent TV reality show at your church?
What if a divorced single parent family suddenly showed up at your church and un be known to you, they were involved in a T.V. reality show? When you found out, how would you handle things any differently than when you didn’t know? Stop and think about that for a few minutes. What attitude would you betray when you didn’t know? Most Read more…
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Keeping siblings of divorce together at church events. Part 2
In part 1 of “Keeping siblings together at church events” we talked about how attached children of divorce get to their siblings when traveling between homes. In this post we learn that many times when a child experiences the divorce of their parents, it affects their schoolwork. It is not unusual for a child to lose an entire school year due to the Read more…
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Keeping siblings of divorce together at church events, Part I
God’s design for children is for them to depend and rely upon their parent. For instance when they wake in the middle of the night and they are scared they run to their parents. Their parents are the trustworthy adults who lead their family. When a divorce happens children can no longer turn to the parents as a unit. When it’s time Read more…
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Helpful Tip #5 for starting the school year: When school causes separation anxiety for the younger child of divorce
Recently a friend of mine had a child start kindergarten. This past summer this family moved from one state to another. While everything seemed to be going great the first day of school brought tears, screams and an all out tantrum of “don’t leave me.” This mom was caught off guard and did not know what to do to help her child. Children Read more…
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Helpful tip #3 for starting the school year: The importance of schedules.
All children need schedules and familiar routines but children of divorce especially need someone to advocate the importance of schedules and routines for them. Some children of divorce have several different schedules to follow. Imagine trying to remember what schedule you have to follow and thinking, “Am I at dad’s or mom’s?” Or “Do we take a shower before bed or when Read more…
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Helpful tip #2 for starting the school year: Why rituals are important for the child of divorce
When parents divorce, children are more likely to lose their connections with those around them. Many of us in know that children are born to connect. We have observed and watched as children become disconnected. Many problems facing young people today are due in large part to our failure to meet the children’s most basic human need for connectedness. Divorce brings many changes Read more…
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“We don’t have any kids in our church from divorced families. Why would we need DivorceCare for Kids?”
You might be surprised to find children of divorce in your church. It might mean one has to look differently for children of divorce and in places you might not have considered. For example, ever thought about children in two-parent families being from a divorce? If you have any blended or step family situations then more than likely you have children of Read more…
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Got missing kids this summer? How to stay in touch with them and the single parent
Many children’s ministers and church volunteers will notice there are some children that seem to drop out over the summer months. Perhaps these are children who miss periodically but this summer you haven’t seen them for four or five weeks. These might very well be the children of divorce. Many divorced parents take advantage of summer months to have their children come Read more…
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10 Tips for Vacation Planning for Children of Divorce
Our guest blogger today is Dr. Linda Mintle. Linda is also one of the experts on our DivorceCare series. The tips Linda shares are great tips for children’s ministers to pass forward to the single parents. Thank you Linda for sharing with us today. 10 Tips for Vacation Planning for Children of Divorce By Dr. Linda Mintle Summer and holidays can be a Read more…
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Vacation Bible School vs. the children of divorce– is there a solution?
This week our church has had Vacation Bible School, or as it is known in church circles “VBS.” Rooms throughout the church are decorated from top to bottom. Teachers have been trained. Supplies, snacks and treats are ready to go. Music videos have been practiced, and the gospel has been adequately presented. Every day kids come in with big smiles on their Read more…
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Discipleship ideas for divorcing and single parents
When I’m at children’s ministers conferences I hear many refer to Deuteronomy 6:6–8. They usually explain the importance of parents being responsible to disciple their children based on this Scripture. I think most of us assume parents have the greatest influence on their children. While I agree with that idea, I wonder if we aren’t assuming all children live in a loving, Read more…
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Why do some single parents seem to be frazzled?
Ever wonder why that kid who only comes every other week has a parent that never seems to know what is going on? They appear frazzled all the time. It is because there is just too much happening in his or her personal life. They are frazzled single parents. Single parents are strong people. They have to be in order to survive. However, Read more…
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The Infiltration of Whirlwind Kids – What Do You Do?
Have you ever had a class or group and all was going well until …….. that one child walked through the doors? You know what I’m talking about. It’s the child that seems to bring a tornado into the room with them leaving a path of destruction all along the way. You may ask What causes a child to be a whirlwind kid? Read more…
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Think divorce doesn’t hurts kids? Think again.
Don’t think divorce hurts kids? Think again. Of all the ways a divorce negatively impacts a child’s life, the impact on their religious life may be the most detrimental of all. Church attendance and participation in church activities can be particularly cumbersome and tricky. Research shows most single parents drop out of church shortly after the divorce. While a child may want to Read more…
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Dreams – the staple of childhood
Dreams are made to be chased relentlessly (Philip Gillespie) You may remember being a child and being outside running through the tall grass or climbing a tree and your mind being filled with all kinds of ideas and dreams. Think about the feeling of freedom your dreams brought to you. I remember just sitting on the porch of our old farmhouse. I would Read more…
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Children of Divorce Deserve Better Treatment in Our Churches
How does a church, which focuses on traditional family ministry, minister to the child of divorce? This seems to be the question many churches are wrestling with as they try to define exactly what family ministry looks like. Divorcing families have indeed changed the landscape of what families look like within the church. Several years ago Amy Ziettlow and Elizabeth Marquardt, with the Read more…
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The lost generation? Saving today’s kids from the long-term effects of divorce
It is important for anyone living with or working with the child of divorce to understand the long-term legacies of divorce on children. As a single parent, grandparent, mentor or church leader, you can help an individual child to better cope and potentially even lessen the impact of a particular long-term legacy. Your input today may help lessen the severity of the Read more…
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Children Ignored By ….
A spiritual war rages over each and every child. It is above us and beyond us and engages the full fury of the hosts of both heaven and hell. Children may be ignored by government, church and mission – but not by Satan or God Almighty.” Dr. Wess Stafford in “Too Small to Ignore” Will children of divorce in your community turn toward Read more…
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Planting shadows: generational consequences of divorce
Chinese proverb One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade. American proverb One generation gets a divorce; another gets to live in the shadows of confusion, loss of a marriage model, loss of trust in relationships, haphazard church involvement and the experience of living in fractured families.
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Confusion, stress and other short-term legacies of divorce on kids
Several years ago I had a single mom show up at my house late one evening. She had left the husband that day, taken the kids and a few belongings and had checked into a local hotel. The precious 4th grade little girl looked bewildered. When I asked her what she thought about what was happening she said, “I am sooo confused. Somebody Read more…
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What Happens to The Child of Divorce During the “Switching Hour”?
Many have coined the time when children go from one home to another the “switching hour”. Evon Flesberg was the first expert to write about the switching hour in her book, “The Switching Hour, Kids of Divorce Say Good-Bye Again”[1]. I’ve watched children for years deal with this issue of switching back and forth between homes. Evon brings up an interesting point when Read more…
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What adult children of divorce want church leaders to know
After interviewing adult children of divorce I’ve learned they really want support and understanding in their church today. Even though many may have dropped out of church as a child, they know they want a relationship with Christ. Many of them want to serve in the church or in the least attend on a regular basis. Here are just a few of the Read more…
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Heart Handshakes?
All kids need hugs! However, when a divorce happens in a family many times the kids lost in the shuffle moving between homes. Or the because of the stress in the lives of the parents, the children’s needs get put on hold. You might say kids lose their hugs. The heart felt moments between parent and child become few and far between and Read more…
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Effects of Divorce on Teens and How Mobile Devices Can Complicate Healing
Divorce for teenagers is difficult at best. Now in the world of smart phones and other mobile devices divorce seems to be more open. These devices allow teens to express themselves with clarity never experienced before. It’s easy to fire off an angry text to a dad who has caused the divorce due to his infidelity. It’s easy to curse via a text Read more…
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Tweens and the Effects of Divorce on Their Lives
Defining the age group considered to be tweens depends upon the community you live in and the way your public school handles 5th and 6th grade children. Keep in mind that many children will regress emotionally and intellectually. To be a child on the threshold of adolescence is the worst time to have divorcing parents. Some teens when being told parents are divorcing Read more…
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How to help children of divorce with confused, divided and split loyalties
Children of divorce have to do a lot of adjusting. And they have to continue to adjust as they continue to grow. As new people enter into their parent’s lives, children adjust. As people leave their lives they adjust. They learn to make do and accommodate the adults in their lives. We said it before on this blog but I think it needs Read more…
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The funny side of single parenting during Christmas holidays
Did you know there is a joyful and funny side to single parenting at Christmas? Sometimes church leaders and children’s ministers can get so wrapped up in the hurting that we forget to look at the lighter, happier side of life that people parenting alone might experience. Naomi,* close friend of mine, told me this story several years ago and every Christmas I Read more…
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Why we shouldn’t try and “happy up” children who are hurting at Christmas
I want to take you inside the mind and heart of a child whose parents are separated or recently divorced. I’d like to help you to understand what Christmas will look like for them. It’s a stark contrast to the Christmas most of you will enjoy. We reflect on the Christ child at Christmas most of us feel joy and wonder. We get Read more…
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5 Ways You Can Help Single Parents Survive the Upcoming Holidays
From Halloween through Christmas can seem like an entire season for single parents. For people parenting alone or co-parenting these two months have a tendency to loom very large over them. Stress is high – finances are low. Parties are often – a full night of sleep is desired. Shopping and rushing around is endured – calm quiet activities are rare. What can Read more…
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Effects of Divorce on the 6, 7 and 8 year-old Child
Children in the early grades of elementary school are struggling to fit into two worlds – home and school. Her intellect is expanding rapidly and she is learning how the world operates. He is developing a sense of humor but is terrified at being laughed at by his peers. Divorce unsettles this newfound independence with this life at school and outside the family. Read more…
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How Divorce Affects Preschool Age Children
As a three to five year old child it is hard to understand what is happening when one parent moves out of the home. Parents may have told the child they were getting a divorce and daddy (or mommy) was moving out but a child has no concept of what this means or what the word divorce means. This leaves the child in Read more…
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How Divorce Affects Infants and Toddlers
Infants and toddlers are affected by the divorce in several ways. They don’t know what is going on but they do sense something is wrong. They pick up on the emotions of the adults around them. It will be hard for the parents to remain calm during the divorce process. Signs of distress in the child Infants and toddlers are likely to be Read more…
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How Divorce Affects Children
To a child, the divorce of their parents can be likened to a tsunami that strikes their lives and leaves destruction and havoc in its wake. Nothing is ever the same again. The divorce will affect the child for many years to come. Divorce impacts future generations within the family • In some families divorce is cyclical. • Children lose access to grandparents Read more…
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Question of the week: How does divorce hurt the church family?
We all know that divorce hurts individual families but are you aware that it can eventually hurt the church family too? When families become dysfunctional and divorce is on the horizon, strange things happen within the church family. Split loyalties First of all there are split loyalties. It’s as if no one is sure of which part of the couple they want to Read more…
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Question of the week: Where can I find resources to help the single parents in my church during Christmas break?
Many times those of us that work in ministry hurt for the hurting. We want to help but just aren’t sure how to help. What can you say to make the situation better for a divorcing family? Sometimes it is best not to say anything but just give them a big hug. Sometimes they need someone to listen to them. Sometimes they just Read more…
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Alarming increase: children living in single-parent families
It’s alarming. Fully one-third of all children in the US now live in single-parent families. From the Annie E. Casey Foundation we learn: “In 2012, 35 percent of children (24.7 million) lived in single-parent families.” The report goes on to state that “the percentage of children living in these households has increased by 13 percent (4 million children) since 2000. Kids living in Read more…
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Hey! There’s Paul!
Today’s post comes from guest writer, Linda Alderfer. Linda is the DC4K Director and Senior Consultant. Following is a story that comes from her own experience of running a DivorceCare for Kids group at her church. During an evening neighborhood walk, we passed the house of one of our DC4K students. It’s been a turbulent year for this 6 year old. Dad Read more…
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Father’s Day
Father’s Day is set aside to celebrate the father’s in our world. Some children of divorce may not have a close relationship with their father. Perhaps the Lord has provided another person to play that father role. If the Lord has provided a grandfather, uncle, older siblings, neighbors or even a male mentor from the church, encourage the child to celebrate that person. Read more…
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