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The following are true stories shared by children I’ve worked with, coached, or ministered to.
My reason for wanting you to read these stories is for you to think ahead and be prepared when children in your ministry approach you to share what is happening in their lives.
Kids are the innocent ones. They need your help.
They don’t need for you to take sides.
They need you to listen, encourage, and support them. You can hear that clearly in their words:
Why did my mom choose her boyfriend over me?
I don’t understand. I hate her for it, but I miss her, and I know I’m supposed to still love her. But how can I love her when she left me behind?
I love my dad, and he tries to make up the difference for my mom being gone. My grandpa and grandma help take care of us, too. It’s not the same anymore. Why did she have to leave? Why?
Why did my dad have to get married?
I was hoping my mom and dad would get back together, but he had to go marry that woman. I don’t know if I even like her, and he told me I have to love her because he does and because she is now my stepmom. I’m not even sure what a stepmom does.
My mom is going to be bery mad!
My daddy told me I’m supposed to call Sara Mommy, but it’s going to make my real mommy bery bery mad. (a child so young he still struggled with his speech)
My dad moved to an apartment because he wants to get his act together.
I think he’ll only be gone for a few weeks or at the most a couple of months. Just all of a sudden, he said he didn’t want to be married to my mom, so he moved out. But he’ll be back home soon. I’m sure of it.
Know what happened? My mom moved because my dad hit her.
He said he is sorry, but my mom won’t come back home. Now I’m a little scared because what if he gets mad and hits me? I don’t know what to do, and I miss my mom. She took my sister with her.
How am I supposed to know who to choose when the judge asks me?
My mom told me that she and Daddy are going to court, and I have to go, too. The judge is going to ask me who I want to live with. I don’t know who to choose. If I say “Mom,” then my dad is going to be upset. If I say, “Dad,” then my mom is going to be mad at me. (This was a nine-year-old boy. He was not going to have to go to court to choose. The mom was using him as a pawn in her divorce game.)
I’m glad my parents are getting a divorce!
They fight all the time, and at least now, things are quiet at home. I am worried about when and if I’ll get to see my grandparents. They are pretty mad at my mom, and they think she kicked my dad out of the house.
My sister and I have to take care of our mother!
Our mother is so sad. We have to tell her when to get up, and if we don’t make sure she is up before we leave for school, she doesn’t make it to work. I worry all day and can’t concentrate on my schoolwork because I’m worried she won’t go to work, and she’ll lose her job. What will we do then?
I’m just going to run away.
It is so bad at my house that I just want to run away. Please, can I come live with you? You are nice to me.
When my dad got back from Iraq, he said he just needed time alone.
He said he was used to being by himself, and all the people in our house make him nervous. He just sits and stares into space, or he leaves. I’m not sure, but I think he is drinking. I know he is smoking because I can smell it. And in our house, we don’t believe in smoking. He told my mom he wants a divorce. I waited a whole year for him to come home, but he really has never come back home.
What would you say to some of these stories?
You and your church can become the village that surrounds these children and helps them grow, heal, and turn toward Christ.
One more word of caution: Be ready and be prepared for the tears that might spring to your eyes. More than one time, I’ve had to find a tissue.
This article is updated and adapted from an article originally published on the Kids & Divorce blog on October 1, 2014.
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