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How Do You Help the Single Dads in Your Church?
When many people think “single parent” they automatically think of the single mom. While single moms do make up the majority of single parents, single dad households are on the rise. According to research published in 2013 and released by the Pew Research Social & Demographic Trends in the article “The Rise of Single Fathers” minor children living in a home headed by Read more…
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DivorceCare for Kids: how it meets a HUGE need at local churches
DivorceCare for Kids (DC4K) is a comprehensive, church-based program that equips local churches to help children of divorce. It’s designed to work in parallel with the adult DivorceCare program (although DC4K can also run as a stand-alone program). DC4K created this blog to help church leaders and volunteers understand the issues faced by kids caught in the crossfire of a family breakup. I Read more…
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Question of the week: Why don’t kids of divorce come to Sunday services consistently?
For weeks, I’ve been posting questions of the week. These are questions that have been asked by children’s leaders and ministers. If you have a specific question about children of divorce you’d like answered, email it to me at ljacobs@dc4k.org, and I’ll answer it. This week’s question: Why don’t divorced kids come to Sunday school consistently? When children visit the other parent Read more…
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Question of the week: Why do single parents identify life events as ‘before’ or ‘after’ divorce?
Many of the single parents you interact with are divorced. In their minds, and in their interactions with you, they draw a clear line defining life “before my divorce” and “after my divorce.” Is this healthy? Does labeling life “before the divorce” and “after the divorce” keep single parents from moving forward? Does it mean they are still struggling with their divorce and Read more…
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Question of the week: How long does it take a child to recover from the divorce of their parents?
The answer to this question can get complicated. Many divorcing parents think their children will get over the divorce fairly quickly. But what parents need to realize is while the adult life might go on and they will find a new partner, the children will never find another parent. The two parents will always be their parents. Most research shows that for adults Read more…
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Are children of divorce resilient?
Back in the seventies when the divorce rate skyrocketed everyone was saying, “Children are resilient.” Many parents banked on their kids being resilient. Now all these years later we are finding that many of those so-called “resilient kids” were not so resilient after all. Many of the kids of divorce from that era are now adults and they are struggling in their Read more…
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A single parent TV reality show at your church?
What if a divorced single parent family suddenly showed up at your church and un be known to you, they were involved in a T.V. reality show? When you found out, how would you handle things any differently than when you didn’t know? Stop and think about that for a few minutes. What attitude would you betray when you didn’t know? Most Read more…
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Overwhelmed & Frazzled Single Parents
Ministering to the children means knowing something about their single parent and understanding the family situation. Situations are not always what they appear to be. A couple of years ago a leader of a DivorceCare group contacted me. She had a lady from another church in her group and she had received a call from this participant’s pastor. While the pastor was appreciative Read more…
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How many churches have been equipped with the DC4K, (DivorceCare for Kids) materials?
My first answer to the question above is not nearly enough! DC4K was released twelve years ago and to date a little 3,700 churches have been equipped with the DC4K materials. That is almost one church a day that has been equipped with a DC4K kit. Many churches will run several 13-week sessions in a year. We know thousands of children are having Read more…
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How to reach out to the single parents in your church – even when you don’t have the time
You are already REALLY busy with your children’s ministry responsibilities (not to mention your life outside church). How you could possibly contribute to lives of the single parents in your church when you may be feeling overwhelmed yourself? It’s not as hard as you think. You don’t have to do it alone. Pray about what God wants from you. Maybe He wants Read more…
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Got missing kids this summer? How to stay in touch with them and the single parent
Many children’s ministers and church volunteers will notice there are some children that seem to drop out over the summer months. Perhaps these are children who miss periodically but this summer you haven’t seen them for four or five weeks. These might very well be the children of divorce. Many divorced parents take advantage of summer months to have their children come Read more…
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10 Tips for Vacation Planning for Children of Divorce
Our guest blogger today is Dr. Linda Mintle. Linda is also one of the experts on our DivorceCare series. The tips Linda shares are great tips for children’s ministers to pass forward to the single parents. Thank you Linda for sharing with us today. 10 Tips for Vacation Planning for Children of Divorce By Dr. Linda Mintle Summer and holidays can be a Read more…
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Why do some single parents seem to be frazzled?
Ever wonder why that kid who only comes every other week has a parent that never seems to know what is going on? They appear frazzled all the time. It is because there is just too much happening in his or her personal life. They are frazzled single parents. Single parents are strong people. They have to be in order to survive. However, Read more…
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The choices you make today affects a child tomorrow: Ministering to the child of divorce
The choices you make today in ministering to children of divorce can affect them for the rest of their lives. If the child of divorce finds….. Attention from church leaders, it might very well prevent that teen girl from getting pregnant. Value at church, it might prevent that teen boy from committing suicide. Someone who cares for them at church, it might prevent Read more…
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The Infiltration of Whirlwind Kids – What Do You Do?
Have you ever had a class or group and all was going well until …….. that one child walked through the doors? You know what I’m talking about. It’s the child that seems to bring a tornado into the room with them leaving a path of destruction all along the way. You may ask What causes a child to be a whirlwind kid? Read more…
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Think divorce doesn’t hurts kids? Think again.
Don’t think divorce hurts kids? Think again. Of all the ways a divorce negatively impacts a child’s life, the impact on their religious life may be the most detrimental of all. Church attendance and participation in church activities can be particularly cumbersome and tricky. Research shows most single parents drop out of church shortly after the divorce. While a child may want to Read more…
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Positive steps that make a HUGE difference to a child of divorce
Afraid of making a mistake with the child of divorce? Many children’s leaders have shared that they tend to hold back or shy away from children of divorce simply because they are afraid of making things worse for the child. Next time you face such fears, think to yourself, “How much worse can anything be than to watch the two people in Read more…
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Children of Divorce Deserve Better Treatment in Our Churches
How does a church, which focuses on traditional family ministry, minister to the child of divorce? This seems to be the question many churches are wrestling with as they try to define exactly what family ministry looks like. Divorcing families have indeed changed the landscape of what families look like within the church. Several years ago Amy Ziettlow and Elizabeth Marquardt, with the Read more…
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Planting shadows: generational consequences of divorce
Chinese proverb One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade. American proverb One generation gets a divorce; another gets to live in the shadows of confusion, loss of a marriage model, loss of trust in relationships, haphazard church involvement and the experience of living in fractured families.
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What Happens to The Child of Divorce During the “Switching Hour”?
Many have coined the time when children go from one home to another the “switching hour”. Evon Flesberg was the first expert to write about the switching hour in her book, “The Switching Hour, Kids of Divorce Say Good-Bye Again”[1]. I’ve watched children for years deal with this issue of switching back and forth between homes. Evon brings up an interesting point when Read more…
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What adult children of divorce want church leaders to know
After interviewing adult children of divorce I’ve learned they really want support and understanding in their church today. Even though many may have dropped out of church as a child, they know they want a relationship with Christ. Many of them want to serve in the church or in the least attend on a regular basis. Here are just a few of the Read more…
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Adult children of divorce: Time alone won’t heal childhood wounds
Divorce has life long consequences. If a person was young when their parents divorced they have had to face processing several childhood milestones with only one parent. If they were older, such as a teenager, their parent’s divorce may have them questioning their entire value system. Some research shows the younger a person is when the divorce happens, the more times they process Read more…
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Question of the week: What did you learn at CPC last week that was encouraging?
CPC is one of the premier children’s pastor’s conferences. It is hosted on the East Coast and also on the West Coast. Last week I was in Ontario, California for the West Coast conference. Even though I presented a workshop and did some coaching sessions I still learned a lot. The main thing that caught my attention: most children’s pastors still don’t focus Read more…
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Hey! There’s Paul!
Today’s post comes from guest writer, Linda Alderfer. Linda is the DC4K Director and Senior Consultant. Following is a story that comes from her own experience of running a DivorceCare for Kids group at her church. During an evening neighborhood walk, we passed the house of one of our DC4K students. It’s been a turbulent year for this 6 year old. Dad Read more…
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KidMin networking – see you there!
This fall several children’s ministers conferences are coming up. I’m excited about these interactions. It’s a great time to network, find out what’s going on in the KidMin world. Plus it is a celebration that says to KidMin people they matter! Wednesday I spent most of the morning getting ready for the LifeWay Children’s Ministers Conference. For any of you who know Read more…
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