I find it is important to be at these events because children’s ministers and church volunteers can impact a child of divorce in tremendous ways. Children of divorce should find hope, comfort and help in the church family. But the reality is many don’t.
I have just returned from an 8 day trip where I spoke at LifeWay KidMin conference in Nashville, TN and from there I went to Group KidMin conference in Columbus, OH. At both of these events it was confirmed to me over and over that our work in educating church leaders about the child of divorce is not finished and for many churches it is only the beginning. For several of the participants in my workshops, it was the first time they had ever been to a workshop about ministering to the child of divorce. The light bulbs were going off as they begin to realize the struggles the child of divorce faces each and every day.
Children’s ministers shared with me that they are just a little hesitant to minister to the child of divorce because they don’t know what to say; how to react and where to draw the line when it comes to conversing with these children. Some wondered how involved they should become in the kids’ lives.
I can understand those concerns because before I was divorced and started ministering to children of divorce I too didn’t know how to handle them. Over the years through working with these children and their parents, the Lord has blessed me with a passion to reach out not only to the child of divorce and their single parent but to children’s ministers, children’s church volunteers and just about anyone else who will listen.
I told several people just start by asking questions. When a child misses a week and you know they have visited the other parent, ask how the weekend went. “Hey Josh, how was you weekend with your dad? What did you guys do?” Many children need to talk about their time with the other parent but many don’t feel they can talk to the parent where they live so they keep everything bottled up inside. Church should be a place where children can share freely their concerns and their joys. Be brave – ask questions and make affirming statements. “Wow, you went fishing? That’s great. I hope you guys had a great time.”
Light bulb moment for many kidmin people: In order for a child to say “hello” to one parent, it means they have to say, “goodbye” to the other parent. And they do it week after week, month after month and year after year.”
This week I’ll be writing about some of the information I shared at these events. Stay tuned.