DC4K » Hurting kids

Have you ever played the Baggage Game?

Have you ever thought about the baggage a child of divorce carries around with them? I’m not talking about the backpacks or suitcases. I’m talking about the heavy stuff, the emotional stuff the things that weigh down their minds and make their hearts heavy. When I’m out doing workshops for children’s ministers and church leaders I like to have the participants play Read more…

Posted: February 18th, 2019 ˑ No Comments
Filled under: Attracting families, Conferences, Divorce Issues, Family Ministers, Grandparents, KidMin, Stress

Part One: Reasons we do what we do at Christmas and all year long

The little fellow stood off to the side of the room. Everyone was jumping up and down waiting for their special Christmas treat. As each child received their present one could hear laughter and squeals of delight. All this little boy wanted was for his mom to come home for Christmas. If she could just change her mind and come home even if Read more…

Posted: December 18th, 2018 ˑ 3 Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Family Ministers, Holidays, KidMin

Why the “Three Strikes and You’re Out” policy doesn’t work with the child of divorce

One popular discipline policy churches use is what is called the “Three Strikes and You’re Out” policy. In theory it sounds reasonable but for many hurting children it is not reasonable or even fair. It goes something like this; the child doesn’t obey the rules, is unruly or is disrespectful in some manner and the count down starts. Strike 1: The first time Read more…

Posted: November 28th, 2018 ˑ 1 Comment
Filled under: Brain Research, Co-parenting, Discipline, Divorce Issues, Single Parents

Children’s ministers have a HUGE responsibility

If the regular guy on the street knew all the responsibilities and tasks a children’s minister is responsible for, they would be singing “Hail to the King/Queen” every time you walked by. Your job includes the height, depth and width of building the Kingdom of God Height: The physical work is overwhelming. You spend hours setting up for Sunday and hours tearing down Read more…

Posted: April 18th, 2018 ˑ No Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Divorce Issues

10 Reasons why children of divorce don’t want to attend your church

“What will people at church think of me?” “I don’t want to be singled out.” These statements are only two of the many reasons children of divorce might not feel comfortable in your church. New environments are just hard for some kids to accept, but children of divorce have more reasons they don’t want to be in your church. In my work, I’ve Read more…

Posted: May 22nd, 2017 ˑ 1 Comment
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Attracting families, Divorce Issues, Emotions, Single Parents

3 essential words when ministering to kids from fractured families

In our world today the majority of kids coming to us from our communities live in some type of fractured family. These children come to church in a state of brokenness. Whether it’s the Child with newly divorced parents Child living with grandma or in kinship care Child in a blended family Child in foster care They will have issues that need to Read more…

Posted: January 30th, 2017 ˑ 4 Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Divorce Issues, Single Parents

Does divorce create behavior problems in children?

The answer to this question might depend on the person you ask. If you ask a parent who is barely surviving, that answer is going to be “no” simply because they can’t see the behavior problems standing in front of them. These parents are in a fog because it is just the best they can do at the moment. When the third Read more…

Posted: January 5th, 2017 ˑ No Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Discipline, Divorce Issues, School Issues, Whirlwind Kids

Is it better for parents to divorce when children are young or wait until the kids are older?

27071771 - studio shot of angry senior couple having an argument, isolated on white background marriage in crisis

There are no good or right times for parents to divorce. Research shows and my experience has been that the younger the child is the more times they will process the divorce. In other words if their parents divorce when they are preschool or younger upon entering the public school arena they may question why other kids live with two parents but Read more…

Posted: October 17th, 2016 ˑ No Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Preschool, Question of the week, Single Parents

Should single parents quiz their kids about life at the other parent’s home?

I caution single parents to be careful about questioning what goes on in the other home. Kids of divorce can very quickly discern they have the “power” and will use it as a game. They may delight in watching you squirm as they tattle on the other parent. They will do the same at the other home. If you have allowed this game to get started, Read more…

Posted: October 10th, 2016 ˑ 2 Comments
Filled under: Co-parenting, Divorce Issues, Question of the week, Single Parents

Helpful Tip #5 for starting the school year: When school causes separation anxiety for the younger child of divorce

Recently a friend of mine had a child start kindergarten. This past summer this family moved from one state to another. While everything seemed to be going great the first day of school brought tears, screams and an all out tantrum of “don’t leave me.” This mom was caught off guard and did not know what to do to help her child. Children Read more…

Posted: September 6th, 2016 ˑ No Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Divorce Issues, School Issues, Single Parents

“We don’t have any kids in our church from divorced families. Why would we need DivorceCare for Kids?”

You might be surprised to find children of divorce in your church. It might mean one has to look differently for children of divorce and in places you might not have considered. For example, ever thought about children in two-parent families being from a divorce? If you have any blended or step family situations then more than likely you have children of Read more…

Posted: July 25th, 2016 ˑ 4 Comments
Filled under: Attracting families, Divorce Issues, Modern families, Question of the week, Single Parents, Uncategorized

Question of the week: What were the top 3 reasons you created DivorceCare for Kids?

3689796 - three preteen friends enjoying summer outdoors on blue sky background

People often ask me why I created DC4K or DivorceCare for Kids. There are many reasons; hundreds of them, and they all have a name. They are boys and girls that I have known and worked with down through the years. The top 3 reasons I created DC4K, DivorceCare for Kids are: Reason #1 Approximately one million children a year see the Read more…

Posted: July 5th, 2016 ˑ No Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Divorce Issues, Question of the week

How infidelity between a parent and a family friend devastates the children

In the post How the Ashley Madison scandal will affect children I shared how that scandal might affect children. But is the impact the same, as when a parent has an extramarital affair with someone the child knows? Is it worse when it is someone the child is close to? Think about it for a moment. It is hard enough when a child Read more…

Posted: September 23rd, 2015 ˑ No Comments
Filled under: Divorce Issues, Emotions, Question of the week, School Issues, Single Parents, Step and blended families, Stress

Kids are blunt when they talk about why parents shouldn’t get divorced

I have worked with children of divorce for over forty years. I’ve heard some conversations that would curl your hair. I’ve also heard stories of tenderness and tales of heartbreak. Several times I have asked children of divorce, “If you had a chance to tell your parents, and other adults something about divorce, what would you say?” Some kids are blunt and say, “Don’t Read more…

Posted: August 26th, 2015 ˑ 7 Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Co-parenting, Divorce Issues, Emotions, Single Parents

Do elementary age children “cut” or self-harm? Part II

In my previous post, I alerted you to the increase of self-harm and cutting among elementary age children. This post explores why children self-harm and recognizing the signs of self-injury. Cutting and other forms of self-harm helps kids deal with frightening feelings they don’t understand and have no way of expressing in words. In other words developmentally they don’t have the language to express Read more…

Posted: March 31st, 2015 ˑ 1 Comment
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Brain Research, Divorce Issues, Emotions, School Issues, Single Parents, Stress, Trauma