DC4K » Rituals

Kids of divorce need predictability. How do you give them that?

Today, we continue our exploration about the importance of “rituals” for the child of divorce. This post will focus on the need for predictability in the lives of children of divorce. It’s very important that the child of divorce knows they can depend on specific things happening at specific times. They often have the perception that their lives are out of control and in disarray. Read more…

Posted: October 22nd, 2018 ˑ 1 Comment
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Brain Research, Divorce Issues, Emotions, Single Parents, Visitation

Help bring predictability to the child of divorce

Children of divorce need predictability in their lives. This means it’s very important that children of divorce know they can depend on specific things happening at specific times. They often perceive their lives as out of control and in disarray. Here’s why predictability is important: Predictability lends itself to security. Unlike routines, rituals involve a special feeling of connecting with another human being. Read more…

Posted: March 7th, 2018 ˑ No Comments
Filled under: Attracting families, Brain Research, Co-parenting, Divorce Issues, Emotions, Grandparents, Research, Single Parents, Step and blended families

A child carries the treasures of his life hidden in his pocket

When children lose connections with important people in their lives, they may become attached to their “things.” Things and possessions bring a sense of comfort, control, and order to children’s lives. These things become substitutes for deep connections with parents and other loved ones. They replace many of the rituals they held important before life changed. I had the privilege of knowing one Read more…

Posted: March 5th, 2018 ˑ 2 Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Co-parenting, Divorce Issues, Emotions, Grandparents, Preschool, Research, Single Parents, Stress, Trauma

Question of the week: What is the emotional glue that helps single parents stay connected to the kids?

“I’ve heard you speak at children’s ministry conferences about rituals and the child of divorce. What I want to know is why rituals are so important for the child of divorce.” Almost all children are ritual-makers. They automatically create rituals when they say hello or goodbye and in many other situations. Rituals help children connect with the people in their lives, whether Read more…

Posted: February 28th, 2018 ˑ No Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Brain Research, Co-parenting, Divorce Issues, Emotions, Grandparents, Question of the week, Single Parents, Step and blended families, Stress, Trauma

What to do when one child brings chaos to your class or group

Have you ever been teaching a class or had a group where everything was going smoothly, and then all of a sudden, that child showed up, and everything fell apart? You know what I’m talking about. The frenzied, chaotic child who breezes into your group and brings the outside chaos inside. All of a sudden, bedlam and pandemonium reign. Children of divorce live Read more…

Posted: October 4th, 2017 ˑ 7 Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Brain Research, Discipline, Divorce Issues, Stress

10 Suggestions to help children acclimate after returning home from visitation

Recently, I received the following question from a church leader who works with single parents and children: “I have a single mom whose young children, ages three and five, have been visiting their dad for the last six weeks. They come back Saturday. Do you have any advice I can give her as they transition back into her home?” First of all, I Read more…

Posted: August 7th, 2017 ˑ 2 Comments
Filled under: Divorce Issues, Preschool, Stress, Summer, Visitation

How can chaos in a child’s environment lead to behavior problems in kids of divorce?

“When my mom told me they were getting a divorce, I got confused. I didn’t understand what divorce was. I just knew my dad was moving out. I didn’t understand he was moving out – moving out. I thought he was visiting a friend for a few weeks. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me and my sister. I was Read more…

Posted: January 18th, 2017 ˑ No Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Brain Research, Discipline, Divorce Issues, Single Parents, Whirlwind Kids

How do I help single parents reduce stress for kids who have to switch homes during the holidays?

In your ministry, it’s likely that you’ve observed single parents and kids who develop a lot of anxiety about the process of shuttling the children between homes. This stress will be amplified during the holiday season. The switching hour, the time the kids switch between homes, can become less stressful if single parents work at making it normal. I’d like to give Read more…

Posted: November 28th, 2016 ˑ 8 Comments
Filled under: Divorce Issues, Holidays, Question of the week, Single Parents, Stress

Helpful tip #2 for starting the school year: Why rituals are important for the child of divorce

Stressed little girl with pile of books around

When parents divorce, children are more likely to lose their connections with those around them. Many of us in know that children are born to connect. We have observed and watched as children become disconnected. Many problems facing young people today are due in large part to our failure to meet the children’s most basic human need for connectedness. Divorce brings many changes Read more…

Posted: August 15th, 2016 ˑ 2 Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Brain Research, Divorce Issues, Single Parents

The importance of replacing “rituals” for the child of divorce

In a previous post we discuss the importance of rituals for the child of divorce. I shared that rituals help children connect to loved ones. It is important that church leaders, volunteers and ministers understand the role rituals play in the lives of children of divorce. When children lose rituals or connections with important people in their lives, they may become attached to Read more…

Posted: August 6th, 2014 ˑ No Comments
Filled under: Brain Research, Discipline, Research, Single Parents, Step and blended families, Visitation

Question of the week: Why are rituals important for the child of divorce?

“I’ve heard you speak at children’s ministry conferences about rituals and the child of divorce. What I want to know is why are rituals so important for the child of divorce?” Almost all children are ritual-makers. They automatically create rituals when they say hello or goodbye and for many other situations. Rituals help children connect with the people in their lives whether it Read more…

Posted: August 4th, 2014 ˑ 2 Comments
Filled under: Accept the Challenge, Divorce Issues, Single Parents